billsfanforever Posted August 27, 2004 Posted August 27, 2004 Miami, FL – Already reeling from the sudden, shocking retirement of weed-freak RB Ricky Williams and the season-ending knee injury to newly acquired WR David Boston, the Miami Dolphins suffered another hit yesterday when the NFL announced that it is fining Dolphins head coach Dave Wannstedt $250,000 for having a “porno ‘stache”. Wannstedt’s fine is the second-largest in NFL history, topped only by the $300,000 fine given to Wayne Chrebet in 1999 for wearing his left sock 1/10th of an inch too far below his right knee in a game vs. New England. NFL Uniform and Hygiene Director Alan Sharpelton announced the fine at a press conference at NFL headquarters in New York yesterday afternoon. Said Mr. Sharpelton, “Dave Wannstedt has been repeatedly warned that the appearance of his mustache violates NFL hygiene regulations. He chose to ignore those warnings, leaving us no choice but to impose this fine upon him.” Sharpleton also added that, “This is the NFL, not some dingy porno-filming studio in Burbank. Our head coaches are the faces of the NFL. We do not want the face of the NFL to look like Ron Jeremy, not that I even know who that is,” Sharpelton added sheepishly. Wannstedt plans to appeal the fine and insists that his mustache is “tasteful” and that it “makes me look rugged and handsome, while covering up a scar on my upper lip at the same time.” Wannstedt, entering his fifth year as head coach of the Dolphins, said, “This is a clear violation of my civil rights. I will be exploring my legal options at this point.” Wannstedt also questions the timing of the fine. “I coached the Chicago Bears for six seasons. I had the exact same mustache in Chicago. Never once was I fined or warned that I would be fined if I didn’t change the mustache,” said coach Wannstedt. NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue disagrees with Wannstedt. “That is an outright lie,” Tagliabue said. “When Dave coached the Bears…terribly, I might add… we e-mailed him monthly about his mustache’s porno-like appearance. In fact his e-mail address while with the Bears was porno-‘stache@chicagobears.com. It was almost like he was proud of the fact. He looks like Schneider from One Day at a Time for Christsake!” The other mustachioed head coaches fear that they may be the next to be fined by the NFL. A group has been organized by Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Bill Cowher, called Mustachioed Coaches Coming Together (MCCT). Cowher’s group includes five other head coaches: Jeff Fisher (Tennessee Titans), Andy Reid (Philadelphia Eagles), Mike Holmgren (Seattle Seahawks), Dennis Green (Arizona Cardinals), and Tony Dungy (Indianapolis Colts). Said Cowher, “An injustice against one of us is an injustice against all of us. This will not stand.” Cowher then went into a confusing and rambling explanation about how the group was going to “…go after Tagliabue with a 3-4, blitzing, two-gap scheme.” Tagliabue said that the $250,000 fine will go to NFL Charities, and will be spent on mustache education and counseling for those who cannot grow a mustache properly. “There are regions in Southeast Asia where men………” Tagliabue then became choked-up. “….men cannot grow a single hair above their lips,” he finished. Wannstedt remains unconvinced that he has done anything wrong. “Would the league prefer that I trim my ‘stache to look like Hitler’s?” he asked aloud. “All I’m saying is this: judge me by my record, not by…….actually, don’t judge me by my record…….judge me by the fact that I used to work under Jimmy Johnson,” said Wannstedt. http://www.fantasyology.com/
billsfanforever Posted August 27, 2004 Author Posted August 27, 2004 he got that goofy looking musstache from licky Ricky Willilams ASS after trying to get him back from the poppy fields in south east asia.
billsfanforever Posted August 27, 2004 Author Posted August 27, 2004 dolphin fans are a bunch of girls in drag and wanstant is there leader
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