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Posted
Give me Boardwalk, damn it! *punches in the head*

 

:doh:

 

 

Can I get serious here guys ... I certainly hope to win this ... I have so few things in my life worth living for, so this would really mean so much to me. A few anecdotes from my life should help explain why.

 

It all started when I met this woman. She certainly seemed interested in me. Though she was attractive, she was also, in fact, a Nazi.

 

Another time, at the beach, the water that I had been swimming in was very cold ... and when I dropped the towel there had been significant shrinkage. My parents were looking at me. So there I was ... with the marble rye hanging from the end of a fishing pole.

 

In closing, these stories have not been embellished ... because they need no embellishment. They are simply, horrifyingly, the story of my life ... as a short, stocky, slow-witted bald man.

 

Thank you. Oh, also...

 

My fiance died from licking toxic envelopes that I picked out.

 

Thanks again.

 

 

No, STFU!

Posted
Cats suck, except in General Tso's "Chicken"

 

That's good eatin right there.....little spicy....but hungry two hours later

Posted
Damj: So, BLZFAN4LIFE, how could it take you 33 minutes to cook your rice when it takes the entire rice eating world 15 minutes?

BLZFAN4LIFE: I don't know, I'm a slow cook I guess.

Damj: I'm sorry I was all the way over here I couldn't hear you did you say you were a slow cook, that's it?

BLZFAN4LIFE: Yeah.

Damj: Are we to believe that boiling water soaks into rice slower in your kitchen than anywhere else on the face of the earth?

BLZFAN4LIFE: I don't know.

Damj: Well, I guess the laws of physics cease to exist on top of your stove. Was this magic rice? Did you buy it from the same guy who sold Jack his beanstalk beans?

 

Wait ... I think we covered this movie yesterday ...

 

Damj: BLZFAN4LIFE, did you cook your rice in 15 minutes?!?

Steely Dan: You don't have to answer that question!

BLZFAN4LIFE: I'll answer the question!

[to Damj]

BLZFAN4LIFE: You want answers?

Damj: I think I'm entitled.

BLZFAN4LIFE: You want answers?

Damj: I want the truth!

BLZFAN4LIFE: You can't handle the truth!

 

You sir, are one funny mutherfocker.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anyone ready for some more White Stripes?

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