Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Posted
I couldn't help myself, I placed one of the "extra "p"s on the fridge, and spun it upside down, she looked at me like I had just invented cancer.

so this lady can't mind her p's & d's but she dint have trouble with the q's and b's?

 

And, just to get this straight...did you invent cancer or a cure?

Posted
I almost dropped my cell phone into a urinal once.

 

I was holding the phone to my ear with my left shoulder and it slipped out headed straight for the urinal cake. I released my little buddy who was in mid stream with my right hand and made a quick swatting motion. My hope was to just hit the phone out of the air and have it land on the floor. Anyplace but directly in the urinal. As I made the swatting motion, somehow I caught the phone in mid air just an inch from the urinal cake.

 

It was some true ninja like sh-t.

 

Don't get me wrong, it's great that you've befriended a little person. I just don't think it's necessary that you accompany the little guy to the bathroom.

Posted
so this lady can't mind her p's & d's but she dint have trouble with the q's and b's?

 

And, just to get this straight...did you invent cancer or a cure?

Apprently the q's and b's seemed to fall out of the bag in proper alignment, but those damn d's were giving her problems.

 

I neither invented nor cured cancer, just try to avoid it whenever possible

Posted

Backstory: I work for a company that installs security products at nursing homes and hospitals to keep the alzheimer and dementia residents from getting out, and prevent infant abductions.

 

So a couple years ago we're installing a system at a health care facility, and they decided to write up a letter to the resident families explaining the new system that would be in place. They placed a stack of these letters near the main entrance for families to pick up on their way in/out. This was also an area were residents could come and sit also. The stupid part? The letters contained the code to disable the system. Any resident that could read, can now get out.

Posted

So I'm with some military folks today.

 

A Navy Lieutenant, his Chief, his IT1, and a couple other enlisted folks. The LT asks something and prefaces...Hey I got a dumb question

 

One of the enlisted guys responds, prefacing with "there's no dumb questions"...

 

I blurt out...there are no dumb questions. Just dumb people who ask questions

 

:doh:

Posted
So I'm with some military folks today.

 

A Navy Lieutenant, his Chief, his IT1, and a couple other enlisted folks. The LT asks something and prefaces...Hey I got a dumb question

 

One of the enlisted guys responds, prefacing with "there's no dumb questions"...

 

I blurt out...there are no dumb questions. Just dumb people who ask questions

 

:doh:

Well you were with a bunch of squids. I mean come on how stupid do you have to be to join a service where you where a cracker jack outfit. :doh:

Posted
I mean come on how stupid do you have to be to join a service where you where a cracker jack outfit. :doh:

 

Where you _____ a cracker jack outfit? :doh:

 

Reminds me of a joke...

Marine and a squid walk into the head.

 

Marine finishes his business and washes his hands

Squid finishes his business and walks to the door

 

Marine cracks...The Corps taught us to wash our hands

Squid replies...The Navy taught us not to pee on our hands

Posted
I almost dropped my cell phone into a urinal once.

 

I was holding the phone to my ear with my left shoulder and it slipped out headed straight for the urinal cake. I released my little buddy who was in mid stream with my right hand and made a quick swatting motion. My hope was to just hit the phone out of the air and have it land on the floor. Anyplace but directly in the urinal. As I made the swatting motion, somehow I caught the phone in mid air just an inch from the urinal cake.

 

It was some true ninja like sh-t.

 

:rolleyes:

 

I just fixed myself a bowl of ice cream and on the cover under the picture of the ice cream it says; "Enlarged to show texture". I can't even imagine the idiocy that made them have to do that.

×
×
  • Create New...