DrDawkinstein Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 a woman goes to the gynecologist. the doctor starts to examine her and goes "WHAT A HOLE!... WHAT A HOLE!" the woman says "You didnt have to say it twice" doc says "it was an echo"
Joe Miner Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 What's the difference between a Ferrari and 1,000 dead babies/ I don't have a Ferrari in my garage. What's the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Oh great dead baby jokes: What's the difference between a dead baby and a bathtub? You can't screw a bathtub.
DrDawkinstein Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 whats the best way to pick up chicks at an abortion clinic? forceps
DrDawkinstein Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 a bear and a rabbit are taking a sh-- in the woods the bear says to the rabbit "Do you have trouble with sh-- sticking to your fur?" the rabbit says "Not at all" so the bear, wipes his ass with the rabbit
The Dean Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 This isn't for everyone. I like it though, a good delivery always helps: A man takes his cat to the vet. The vet, never having seen the gentleman or cat before inquires, "What seems to be the problem with your cat, sir?" "Well, doc," the man replies, "I think my cat is turning gay." "Turning gay?", the doc asks. "What makes you think your cat is turning gay?" The man confides, "Well, lately, when I fu#k him, he kinda relaxes."
Philly McButterpants Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 This isn't for everyone. I like it though, a good delivery always helps: A man takes his cat to the vet. The vet, never having seen the gentleman or cat before inquires, "What seems to be the problem with your cat, sir?" "Well, doc," the man replies, "I think my cat is turning gay." "Turning gay?", the doc asks. "What makes you think your cat is turning gay?" The man confides, "Well, lately, when I fu#k him, he kinda relaxes." Appropriately sick . . .
mtdoak Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Whats the difference between a hooker and an onion? Nobody cries when you slice up a hooker.
Philly McButterpants Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Bad Pun Time!!!! What's the difference between a prestidigitator and a prostitute? A Prestidigitator has cunning stunts and feats.
The Dean Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Bad Pun Time!!!! What's the difference between a prestidigitator and a prostitute? A Prestidigitator has cunning stunts and feats. What's the difference between a women's track team, and Pygmy hunters? Pygmy hunters are a bunch of cunning runts. What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches. What's the difference between an epileptic clam digger and a prostitute with diarrhea? An epileptic clam digger shucks between fits.
VOR Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Bad Pun Time!!!! What's the difference between a prestidigitator and a prostitute? A Prestidigitator has cunning stunts and feats. A variation: What's the difference between Evel Knievel and the Rockettes? Evel Knievel had a cunning array of stunts.
BLZFAN4LIFE Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Steely Dan walks into a gay bar, Dev/Null comes up and offers to push his stool in. Here's one for the PETA crowd. A baby seal walks into a club...
The Dean Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Back at the Vet's office, a teenage girl and a more mature woman, with dogs start up a conversation. "What a beautiful dog" remarked the girl to the woman sitting next to her with a giant Great Dane, "What's his name?" "Thanks", came the reply, "this is Buster." "Why is Buster here today?" inquired the teen. "Well, yesterday I took a bath, and accidentally left the bathroom door open. As I was bent over the tub, pulling the drain, Buster mounted me from behind, and had his way with me." "My, heavens" said the teenager. "I can understand why you have to get him fixed, right away." "Fixed? Who said anything about getting him fixed", replied the women. "I'm here to get his nails clipped."
bladiebla Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 This isn't for everyone. WTF is with the disclaimer...
dib Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Oh well What's the difference between p*ssy and parsley? Nobody eats parsley Whats the difference between the cha cha and pea green pant anybody can cha cha
drinkTHEkoolaid Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Over drinks one afternoon a buddy of mine and I were discussing former "loves". I told him that I once broke-up with a girl long ago because she had a seemingly incurable speech impediment. George said, "Jimmy, I'm shocked. I never know you to be one to be prejudiced against handicaps. What was the girl's problem?" Taking a sip, I paused and reflected. "She couldn't say 'yes'." How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your d!(k. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a n!pple on it. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? Money. An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an 21 year old stunning bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a beaver appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the beaver and squeezed the handle." "And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried. Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No". The doctor continued, "The beaver dropped dead in front of him" "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that beaver." "That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.
erynthered Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 A mother and her 5-year-old son were flying Southwest Airlines from Denver to Dallas . The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, 'If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the little guy walks up to the galley and asks the flight attendant, 'If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?" The boy said, "Yes, she did..." "Well, then, please tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls away on time. Have her explain that to you."
erynthered Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a Pit Bull dog on a leash. Behind her were 200 women walking single file. The woman couldn't stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?" The woman replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my husband." "What happened to him?" The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him." She inquired further, "Well who is in the second hearse?" "His mistress... She tried to help my husband, then the dog turned on her." A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two women. "Can I borrow the dog?" The first woman asked. "Get in line," said the second woman.
drinkTHEkoolaid Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 a young attractive stewardess was riding up front talking with the pilot as their aircraft began to have mechanical trouble, as it lost both engines over the ocean at 38,000 feet it began to lose altitude.... the stewerdess began to panic and said to the pilot, well since were going to die i want to be treated like a woman one last time and she began to undress... the pilot watched for a few seconds and smiled at her. he took his shirt off and threw it onto the floor and replied... "ok now iron my shirt b1t(h!"
dib Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Guy enters a bar and tells the bartender to give him champagne Bartender asks WHat's the occaision? Guy replies: "I just rescued a woman from the railroad tracks and had sex with her. Bartender asks: "Was she attractive?" Guy replies: "I dont know I couldnt find her head."
Guffalo Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. > >He had a large pond in the back.. > >It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with >picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees. > >One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he >hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. > >He grabbed a five- gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. > >As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. > >As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women >skinny-dipping in his pond. > >He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. > >One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!' > >The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies >swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.' > >Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.' > >Some old men can still think fast. >
Recommended Posts