Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Posted

Nothing today. I'm marching in the parade.

 

Nothing afterwards either. I have to go back to work after the parade. :lol:

Posted
Its St. Patricks day. How smashed are you on this day of solemn religious observance?

 

 

Unfortunately my boss and the civil authorities (given that i will be driving) require sobriety. Happy St. Pat's

Posted

Oh, he doesn't smell like Irish spring, and he never taught me anything,

But still I slap my chest and sing of my drunken Irish dad.

Oh, his face looks like a railroad map and he never shuts his freakin' trap,

But all the ladies catch the clap from your drunken Irish dad.

 

Ask-a Hennessey, Tennessee, Morrison, Shaunesy, Riven and Rudy,

They'll tell you the same.

McNolte, Mulrooney, and Carter and Clooney,

All feel the same mixture of pride and of shame.

 

Finnegan, Hannegan, Cally and Fannigan,

Look to the ground when their Dad passes by.

Halferty, Rafferty, Joyce and O'Lafferty,

Fight for his honour and then start to cry...

 

 

Oh, we Irish lads are all infirm, and our moods infect us like a germ,

Cause we're all a spawn of a pickled sperm, (and we don't tan well either)...

From a drunken Irish dad!

Posted

A guy spots a nice looking girl in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name.

 

"Carmen," she replied.

 

That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"

 

"No, I named myself, she answered.

 

"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"

 

"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.

 

"Beersex."

 

 

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

 

A guy walks into a bar and asks for three beers. The bartender puts them up and then watches the guy go through a peculiar ritual. "Happy Birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday" Each time he says the word he drinks the beer. Then he pays and walks out.

 

One year later he enters the bar again and orders the same thing. The bartender watches him go through the same ritual. Curious, he asks the bloke why.

 

"Well" the guy says, "I have a friend in Ireland and a friend in Australia. We have our birthdays on the same day. We can't be together so we have agreed that on this day we will each go into our local pub and have a round of drinks for each other. We have been doing this for 55 years since we were 18."

 

The next year the man comes in and asks the bartender for two beers. The bartender, a bit taken aback, places two beers in front of the guy and watches him say "happy birthday, happy birthday!"

 

The bartender asks "So which one died?"

 

"No one."

 

"But you only ordered two drinks!"

 

"Yeah, well, I've given up drinking."

 

 

 

A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls.

He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first."

 

 

 

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --Henny Youngman

 

 

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Benjamin Franklin

Posted

Let's get this thing rollin' on St. Paddy's Day!!!

 

"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."

-Humphrey Bogart

 

"Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me."

-Winston Churchill

 

"Make sure that the beer - four pints a week - goes to the troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a drop."

-Winston Churchill to his Secretary of War, 1944

 

"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her."

-W.C. Fields

 

"Everybody has to believe in something.....I believe I'll have another drink."

-W.C. Fields

 

"Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine."

-David Moulton

 

"May your glass be ever full. May the roof over your head be always strong. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead."

-Old Irish Toast

Posted

LK:Ko djeiow dopop'e opewfopop oeopeope. Pjfdjwq ksiosop

 

ksdkdsj vjvijvjd ]p[ww s;s;'s'sd[poi s;s;s;weer

 

 

;ll;sl;kssdlkdldi oiep[pq[[,, qwwe[ppsd

dspds

 

ksdkl;dskl;

 

 

ei903 0emcfklsda as;o0-1 dkdedppw

 

 

og nmio

×
×
  • Create New...