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American Idol Roundup


John Adams

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I suffered through all the weeks of auditions, or most of them, to finally see what American Idol calls the Semi-Finals. Never mind that in every other sport, the semifinalists are grouped into fours: Idol redefines Semifinals to a group of 3. With 12 people in each group. 3 of whom advance to the final 9...Finalists? THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL!

 

Before I get to the reviews, what have we learned about Season 8 so far.

 

First, the new judge Kara (you figure out how to say it...I say it car-uhh). Yeah, she's a total !@#$. And not in a good way. She sees any woman with talent or beauty as a threat. The annoying bikini-girl in the auditions was a preview of things to come. Just watch: Kara will hate every pretty woman. What's worse though, is she adds less than Randy. Dog.

 

Second, ahh, who cares? Let's get to the reviews.

 

Untied high top girl. Leather high-waisted pants and untied high tops are back? Hey Hollywood: Dust off that Who's the Boss movie script you've been sitting on. The first singer of the night won't be a pop star but she could definitely play the Alyssa Milano character. She sucked but gets 2 golden parachute pants for making me nostalgic for the 80s.

 

Thin guy in purple suede jacket. This dude is a crooner. Great voice. The judges didn't want to prematurely shoot their load praising him (10 more people were coming up) but he was just about top dog. Dog.

 

The Whore Wannabe. I think her name is Alexis. Or Alecia. Whoever she is, Idol is making a huge deal about how the judges told her that if she wants to get ahead, she needs to be a slut. This is usually solid advice. The problem here is that you can only whore it up if you're kind of a whore. This chick looks like that little girl who was in the Parent Trap remake, but with too much makeup and if she was sleeping around. Not a good analogy? Well, you get the idea. If the analogy was better, the point would be right. She's a goody 2 shoes and looks stupid in the whore clothes. But she can sing! Awesome voice--best of the night. Kara won't feel threatened by her (not pretty enough) and thus loved the performance.

 

Country guy with big dimples. This guy was the most entertaining of the night. His song was something about living "In a hick town," which I'm guessing is a country anthem. I dug his modern country groove but the judges hated it.

 

Young Stevie sneakers. If there's anything I've learned in life it's this: When you want to look hot in pants: don't wear sneakers. True no matter what sex you are. Speaking of sex, yes, "sex" is the proper word there. Don't be distracted by gender. Gender relates to characteristics that a society or culture delineates as masculine or feminine. That little grammar lesson was more fun than little Stevie's performance. She's cute but she was a nervous kid and it showed.

 

Indian man. This guy has an amazing voice. Of all the contestants, he may have the biggest and best pipes. And he's likable. His obstacle: Is America ready for an Indian Idol? No !@#$in' way. Here in America, we allow one minority to move forward every 10 years or so. Don't blame me Indian guy, blame Obama. He won't advance. (But he should.)

 

Sting train wreck. I don't know what to say. I want this woman's face out of my mind. She was off key. She couldn't move. She had these kind of boots on. I am ready for a lot of things to cycle back into fashion from the 80s...but not these. You gotta be !@#$ing kidding me.

 

Football oil rigger dude. America is rooting for this guy. How can you not like the roughneck with the big voice. I thought he did well but he picked a bad song that highlighted the backup singers more than him. Paula was right (!) to point out that he bounced the mic back and forth between his hands too much. He looked like a woman in the middle of the icky kind of threesome.

 

You make me feel a natural woman. I didn't have much on this chick. She was serious. She sang a song. Have a nice life. I'll never think of you again.

 

Michael Jackson. There's one King of Pop. If you're going to try to copy him, you must have serious chops. This guy had dick. Simon was right, "Too bad you remembered the words tonight."

 

Tatiana. I remember this lunatic's name from all the auditions. She's boil-the-rabbit-batshit nuts. Her withdrawn persona tonight was creepier than the giggly one from the auditions. Stunningly, she delivered one of the better performances in a really tough Whitney song (channeling Houston's crazy energy). The judges panned her just because she's a kook and that's OK but it's not honest. She was one of the better singers.

 

Danny Gokey. !@#$ this guy. Everyone but Simon gobbled his knob but he was only OK. How in the hell can anyone think THAT was one of the best of the night? He's got a good voice, and he sings on key. But he doesn't have a big voice. He's got no personality. If all the American women didn't get all weepy about the dead wife thing, he'd be just some guy. I don't get it.

 

Top 3: Suede jacket, Indian man, and wannabe whore.

 

(Some multimedia in the blog in my sig.)

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The one guy I want to see go far is Matt Giraud (sp?). He's been the most talented contestant so far this season, IMO. He's bringin back the YAMIN, BABY!

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I was thinking they said last night that when the top 9 were voted in by the fans and than the judges were going too vote 3 more in as the wild card spots.That makes top 12.

 

The odds of me catching that kind of detail are slim. I was TiVoing to the performances. Ryan Seacrest hurts me.

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Why do all you losers spend time watching this crap?

 

The only one I ever saw was where William Haung sang "She Bangs", because I heard how bad it was.

 

 

Why you wanna piss in our wheaties? If you're not interested why pick on us losers?

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Top 3: Suede jacket, Indian man, and wannabe whore.

I really don't like the way they're doing the Top 32 this year. Having said that........2 of the 3 I wanted got in. Anoop-dawg was the only one that didn't make it. I have a feeling we'll be seeing him in the wild card round though. <_<

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I really don't like the way they're doing the Top 32 this year. Having said that........2 of the 3 I wanted got in. Anoop-dawg was the only one that didn't make it. I have a feeling we'll be seeing him in the wild card round though. <_<

I sure hope so. I was disappointed to see him voted out. :(

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