Pulled Hammies Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Golf Poem In My Hand I Hold A Ball, White And Dimpled, Rather Small. Oh, How Bland It Does Appear, This Harmless Looking Little Sphere. By Its Size I Could Not Guess, The Awesome Strength It Does Possess. But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell, I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell. My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same, Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game. It Rules My Mind For Hours On End, A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend. It Has Made Me Yell, Curse And Cry, I Hate Myself And Want To Die. It Promises A Thing Called Par, If I Can Hit It Straight And Far. To Master Such A Tiny Ball, Should Not Be Very Hard At All. But My Desires The Ball Refuses, And Does Exactly As It Chooses. It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies, And Even Disappears Before My Eyes. Often It Will Have A Whim, To Hit A Tree Or ! Take A Swim. With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land, It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand. Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul, If Only It Would Find The Hole. It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup, And Swear That I Will Give It Up. And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow, But The Ball Knows ... I'll Be Back Tomorrow. Stand proud you noble swingers of clubs and losers of balls.... A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a Year. That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ricojes Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I like it, here's a new book on GOLF giving readers valuable playing tips and Insider information that has been gained through years of struggles and experience: Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Nike from the Rough, when You Hit a Titelist From the Tee Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker Chapter 4 - How to Get More Distance off the Shank Chapter 5 - When to Give the Ranger the Finger Chapter 6 - Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings Chapter 7 - When to Implement Handicap Management Chapter 8 - Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m. Chapter 9 - How to Rationalize a 6 Hour Round Chapter 10- When Does A Divot become classified as Sod Chapter 11 - How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water Chapter 12 - Why your Spouse Doesn't Care That You Birdied the 5th... Chapter 13 - Using Curse words Creatively to Control Ball Flight Chapter 14 - When to Let a Foursome Play through Your Twosome Chapter 15 - How to Relax When You Are Hitting five off the Tee Chapter 16 - When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent Chapter 17 - God and the Meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey Three Putt Chapter 18 - When to Regrip Your Ball Retriever Chapter 19- Throwing Your Clubs: An Effective Stress-Reduction Technique Chapter 20 - Can You Purchase a Better Golf Game? Chapter 21 - Why Male Golfers Will Pay $5.00 a Beer from the Cart Girl And give her a $3 Tip, but will balk at $4.50 at the 19th Hole and Stiff The Bartender. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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