How To Get Busted In 6 Easy Steps!

[Steely Dan]

Linkage

 

DECEMBER 12--After a trio of Ohio women was busted earlier this week following a botched robbery attempt, cops searched the group's getaway car and discovered printed instructions downloaded from the Internet that detailed "How To Commit Armed Robbery In Six Easy Steps." The seized instructions, a copy of which you'll find below, were printed Monday morning at 10:16, about 11 hours before the women sought to hold up the Dollar Tree store in Bedford Heights. When a manager claimed that she could not open the store safe, the alleged robbers--Jocelyn Addison, 19; Nia McBrayer, 21; and Jenniffer Watson, 18--departed empty-handed. Though the downloaded list was clearly written tongue-in-cheek, the suspects, who had masks, a plan, and a bb gun, apparently followed some of its suggestions. According to a December 8 Bedford Police Department report, Addison, McBrayer, and Watson were apprehended in a vehicle about a mile from the convenience store. Each woman was charged with robbery.

[Steely Dan]

Step 1: Appropriate Gear

 

You can't pull off a successful heist without appropriate gear and apparel. The first thing every good crook needs is a ski mask. The ski mask (see fig. 1-1) gives you a badass look as wells as conceals your appearance. Another nice addition to the badass/concealing factor is sunglasses.

 

Now that your chances of being caught have reduce by .001% its time to move on to one of the most important aspects of your paraphernalia. The weapon! There are many weapons to choose from including bats, knifes, and guns. Although the gun is usually the best choice, go with the one that best fits your unique style as a criminal, or the "law-abiding challenged" as I like to say. Criminal is such a negative word. Although it will never go off in your pants, the finger in the pocket has been way over played and is no longer the threat it once was.

 

Next on the list is something to keep the money in. Your first instinct would be to just stuff the money in your pockets, but this is generally a bad idea. Think big! What every successful robber needs is a big sack, preferably with a dollar sign on it (see fig. 1-2) You know, like Scrooge McDuck off Duck Tales, he has lots of these and look how rich he is. (You can forget about it, McDuck's security is impenetrable)

 

 

Step 2: The Plan

 

Committing armed robbery is no simple task. It is a matter that takes much careful planning. There are a few steps to remember when designing a plan. First, make a map of the store/bank you intend to rob. Second design a route for the fastest getaway to your hideout. And third make a plan for your hideout. Your hideout should be filled with supplies such as water, food, and ammunition. Here is an example:

 

Read the rest here.

[ACor58]

Who needs a brain when you can just Google it.

[Steely Dan]

Who needs a brain when you can just Google it.

 

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