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Mel Brooks Movie One Liners


Chef Jim

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Gabby Johnson: I wash born here, an I wash raished here, and dad gum it, I am gonna die here, an no sidewindin' bushwackin', hornswagglin' cracker croaker is gonna rouin me bishen cutter.

 

 

Not only was it authentic frontier gibberish, but it expresses a courage little seen in this day and age! --Olson Johnson

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There's so many to choose from, especially 'tween Young Frankenstsin and Blazing Saddles. But, a scene I particularly like is from High Anxiety. When Brophy, Dr Thorndyke's driver/photographer, figures out that Thorndyke didn't kill that guy in the hotel lobby and then is caught by Nurse Diesel and Dr Montague. Montague comes up w/ the ridiculous idea of buying every paper in San Fransisco to cover up their plan. The looks on everyone's face, including Brophy's (the guy they're kidnapping), as he's laying out this "plan" is hilarious. Afterward, Montague sheepishly says that, "I guess it isn't such a good plan", to which Nurse Diesel replies, "It sucks." Classic scene.

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"There wolf. There castle"

 

Igor.

 

"Why are you talking like that?"

"I don't know, I thought you wanted to."

"No, I don't."

"Suit yourself, I'm easy."

 

[Froederick and Igor are exhuming a dead criminal]

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What a filthy job.

Igor: Could be worse.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: How?

Igor: Could be raining.

[it starts to pour]

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Dark Helmet: Who is he?

Colonel Sandurz: He's an **** sir.

Dark Helmet: I know that! What's his name?

Colonel Sandurz: That is his name sir. !@#$, Major ****!

Dark Helmet: And his cousin?

Colonel Sandurz: He's an **** too sir. Gunner's mate First Class Philip ****!

Dark Helmet: How many azzholes do we have on this ship, anyway?

[Entire bridge crew stands up and raises a hand]

Entire Bridge Crew: Yo!

Dark Helmet: I knew it. I'm surrounded by azzholes!

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Nothing from this classic?:

 

Springtime for Hitler

 

And now it's...

Springtime for Hitler and Germany

Deutschland is happy and gay!

We're marching to a faster pace

Look out, here comes the master race!

Springtime for Hitler and Germany

Rhineland's a fine land once more!

Springtime for Hitler and Germany

Watch out, Europe

We're going on tour!

Springtime for Hitler and Germany.

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"I want rustlers, cutthroats, murders, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con-men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglars, horse thieves, bull-dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, sh**-kickers, and Methodists!"

 

-Hedy (That's Hedley!) Lamar

 

 

 

 

"Here we are. Top floor. Top of the hotel.

You can't get any higher. We're pretty high."

 

-Dennis

 

 

 

 

 

"What do you want me to do? Kill him?

 

If you want me to kill him, I'll kill him.

 

I don't have to kill him,

but I'd like to kill him.

 

I killed Ashley and Wentworth. Another

killing or two won't make any difference.

 

It would make me happy.

I'd like to kill them both.

 

I think it would be better

if I killed them both.

 

Well, let me kill just one, then.

 

Whichever one you want.

 

All right. I'll wait.

 

But the minute you say kill them,

I'll kill them.

 

I'd love to kill them.

 

It would give me immense pleasure."

 

-The Killer

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"I want rustlers, cutthroats, murders, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con-men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglars, horse thieves, bull-dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, sh**-kickers, and Methodists!"

 

-Hedy (That's Hedley!) Lamar

 

 

 

 

"Here we are. Top floor. Top of the hotel.

You can't get any higher. We're pretty high."

 

-Dennis

 

 

 

 

 

"What do you want me to do? Kill him?

 

If you want me to kill him, I'll kill him.

 

I don't have to kill him,

but I'd like to kill him.

 

I killed Ashley and Wentworth. Another

killing or two won't make any difference.

 

It would make me happy.

I'd like to kill them both.

 

I think it would be better

if I killed them both.

 

Well, let me kill just one, then.

 

Whichever one you want.

 

All right. I'll wait.

 

But the minute you say kill them,

I'll kill them.

 

I'd love to kill them.

 

It would give me immense pleasure."

 

-The Killer

 

 

High Anxiety is an underappreciated favorite of mine.

 

"Forget 'bout the Wentworth murder...accident, I said accident!"

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