Indy Dave Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 Jerry to Newman, while standing in line at Kenny Roger's Chicken... Newman, you wouldn't eat broccoli if it was deep-fried in chocolate sauce. Then Newman responds, "I happen to love broccoli," and then takes a bite, spits it out of his mouth and yells "Vile weed!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KD in CA Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 Then Newman responds, "I happen to love broccoli," and then takes a bite, spits it out of his mouth and yells "Vile weed!" "honey mustard! quick!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EndZoneCrew Posted October 7, 2008 Author Share Posted October 7, 2008 KRAMER: Mr. O'Neill? O'NEILL: Yeah. KRAMER: Yeah, uh, look, you don't know me. O'NEILL: I can give you an autograph there, but my pen's kind of screwed up. You'd only like half a "P" or something. KRAMER: No, it's uh, not that see,. It's about a little boy in a hospital. I was wondering if you could do something to lift his spirits. O'NEILL: Sure, I could help you there. KRAMER: Sure, well I promised you would hit him two home runs. O'NEILL: Say what? KRAMER: You know, Klick!. A couple of dingers. O'NEILL: You promised a kid in the hospital that I would hit two home runs? KRAMER: Yeah, well, no good? O'NEILL: Yeah. That's no good. It's terrible. You don't hit home runs like that. It's hard to hit home runs. And where the heck did you get two from? KRAMER: Two is better than one. O'NEILL: That, that's ridiculous. I'm not a home run hitter. KRAMER: Well, Babe Ruth did it. O'NEILL: He did not. KRAMER: Oh, do you say that Babe Ruth is a liar? O'NEILL: I'm not calling him a liar but he was not stupid enough to promise two. KRAMER: Well, maybe I did overextend myself. O'NEILL: How the heck did you get in here anyway? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LewPort71 Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 Elaine: I've yada yada'd sex. George: Really? Elaine: Yeah. I met this lawyer, we went out to dinner, I had the lobster bisque, we went back to my place, yada yada yada, I never heard from him again. Jerry: But you yada yada'd over the best part. Elaine: No, I mentioned the bisque. This is one of my favorite Seinfeld lines also... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steely Dan Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 My favorite is the short and concise: "That's a shame." Frank Costanza when George gets arrested for bootlegging movies and they are at the precinct and he and Elaine are arguing: Frank: "Who put you up to this? My boys not smart enough to hatch a scheme like this" Elaine: "You got that right!" Frank: "What the hell does that mean?" Elaine: "It means whatever the hell you want it to mean." Frank: "Are you saying....... you want a piece of me?" Elaine: "I could drop you like a bag of dirt." Frank: " You want a piece of me?!! ...........You got it!!" The out takes of that scene are hilarious. The outtakes are amazingly funny. It's hard not laugh at Jerry Stiller. Jerry: Can't you see what's going on here...no boxers, no briefs....say it ain't so... Kramer: Oh it's be so...I'm out there Jerry and I'm LOVING every minute of it!! I'm free, I'm unfettered...I'm like an innocent naked boy roaming the countryside!" Kramer had put all his underwear on Jerry's table because he wasn't going to use it anymore. Jerry says to Elaine while looking at the table: "That's it I'm gonna have to move!" I could do this all day . . . George: The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to return soup at a deli! That is classic. Is anyone here a marine biologist?!?? Definitely my favorite line and one of the best written episodes. But the best rant was Kramers' in the Engagement episode, just after Jerry and George made the 'pact': Jerry: I had a very interesting lunch with George Costanza. Kramer: Really? Jerry: We were talking about our lives, and we both kind of realized we're kids; we're not men. Kramer: So then you asked yourselves, "Isn't there something more to life?" Jerry: Yes! We did! Kramer: Yeah, well, let me clue you in on something: there isn't. Jerry: There isn't? Kramer: Absolutely not. I mean, what are you thinking about Jerry? Marriage? Family? Jerry: Well ... Kramer: They're prisons! Man-made prisons. You're doing time! You get up in the morning, she's there. You go to sleep at night, she's there. It's like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. (pleading voice) "Is it all right if I use the bathroom now?" Jerry: Really? Kramer: Yeah, and you can forget about watching TV while you're eating. Jerry: I can? Kramer: Oh, yeah! You know why? Because it's dinner time. And you know what you do at dinner? Jerry: What? Kramer: You talk about your day! "How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it? I don't know, how 'bout you, how was your day?" Jerry: Boy! Kramer: It's sad, Jerry. It's a sad state of affairs. Jerry: I'm glad we had this talk. Kramer: Oh, you have no idea! I called a friend a few years ago and invited him to come over for a heavyweight fight in a couple of weeks. He said he had to ask his wife first. She wouldn't let him go for some reason or another and while he's telling me he can't come I hear that exact scene in the background and he just starts laughing. One of my favorite lines comes from the episode where Steinbrenner thinks there is a bomb in George's desk. The bomb squad sends in a robot, mounted with a camera, to examine it. Watching from Steinbrenner's office, the squad has the robot open up the top drawer in George's desk, revealing a Snickers bar and a copy of Playboy. And Steinbrenner utters: "Empty calories and male curiosity, eh Georgie?" Trivia some might not know: Larry David is the voice of Steinbrenner. Cosmo Kramer: The bus is outta control. So I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel, and now I'm driving the bus. Jerry: Wow. George Costanza: You're Batman. Cosmo Kramer: Yeah, yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to and he starts choking me. So I'm fighting him off with one hand and I kept driving the bus with the other, ya know. Then I managed to open up the door and I kicked him out the door, ya know, with my foot, ya know, at the next stop. Jerry: You kept making all the stops? Cosmo Kramer: Well, people kept ringing the bell! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steely Dan Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 Elaine: Ugh, I hate people. Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KD in CA Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 Trivia some might not know: Larry David is the voice of Steinbrenner. LD was the off camera voice in many episodes. It never really dawned on me until I started watching Curb Your Enthusiasm and recognized his voice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steely Dan Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 LD was the off camera voice in many episodes. It never really dawned on me until I started watching Curb Your Enthusiasm and recognized his voice. In the episode where George is convinced the diner lady stole his $20 LD is the guy at the very end who tells His Majesty (George) that they don't take bills with lipstick on them. Elaine: You know what your problem is? Your standards are too high. Jerry: I went out with you. Elaine: That's because my standards are too low. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steely Dan Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 Another interesting piece of trivia is that Dick Jauron played in the NFL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dean Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 Elaine: Perhaps one day when the pigmen roam free it will be stopped. Until then, off with their heads. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dean Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 Another interesting piece of trivia is that Dick Jauron played in the NFL. That's the spirit! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JÂy RÛßeÒ Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 "I'm out!" "These pretzels are making me thirsty!" "I HATE The Drake" "Why don't you just tell me what movie you want to see?" "Anybody can TAKE a reservation. The key is HOLDING the reservation" Mulva Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acantha Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpbillsfan Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 Stan The Caddie to Kramer "Go for the green". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Senator Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 ELAINE: So, you think you're sponge-worthy? link Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattyT Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 "I'm out!" :worthy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wacka Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 "My Boys need a house!" "Up here, I'm already gone!" and the best: "I'm Cosmo Kramer, the Assman!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steely Dan Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 "I'm out!" "These pretzels are making me thirsty!" "I HATE The Drake" "Why don't you just tell me what movie you want to see?" "Anybody can TAKE a reservation. The key is HOLDING the reservation" Mulva ************************************************************ Rental Car Agent: Would you like insurance? Jerry: Yeah, you better give me the insurance. Because I'm gonna beat the hell out of this car. ************************************************ That is awesome! Unfortunately I have yet come across a situation to use it. ELAINE: So, you think you're sponge-worthy? link I love it when he looks into the woman's closet and she has cases of sponges!! ******************************************* [At Yankees batting practice] George Costanza: Guys, hitting is not about muscle. It's simple physics. Calculate the velocity, v, in relation to the trajectory, t, in which g, gravity, of course remains a constant. [Hits a home run] George Costanza: It's not complicated. Derek Jeter: Now, who are you again? George Costanza: George Costanza, assistant to the traveling secretary. Bernie Williams: Are you the guy who put us in that Ramada in Milwaukee? George Costanza: Do you wanna talk about hotels, or do you wanna win some ball games? Derek Jeter: We won the World Series. George Costanza: In six games. ************************************************** George Costanza: Well then, from out of nowhere, a huge tidal wave lifted me, tossed me like a cork, and I found myself right on top of him - face to face with the blowhole. I could barely see from the waves crashing down upon me but I knew something was there. So I reached my hand in, felt around, and pulled out the obstruction. [George reveals the obstruction to be a golf ball] Cosmo Kramer: What is that, a Titleist? [George nods] Cosmo Kramer: Hole in one, huh? ********************************************* George Costanza: I want to make a good entrance. I never makes good entrances. Jerry: You have made some good exits. ********************************************* Noel: I am breaking up with YOU. George Costanza: You can't break up with me, I've got Hand. Noel: And you're going to need it... I gotta stop I could go on all night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tcali Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 Frank Costanza when George gets arrested for bootlegging movies and they are at the precinct and he and Elaine are arguing: Frank: "Who put you up to this? My boys not smart enough to hatch a scheme like this" Elaine: "You got that right!" Frank: "What the hell does that mean?" Elaine: "It means whatever the hell you want it to mean." Frank: "Are you saying....... you want a piece of me?" Elaine: "I could drop you like a bag of dirt." Frank: " You want a piece of me?!! ...........You got it!!" The out takes of that scene are hilarious. lol.......great scene Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steely Dan Posted October 8, 2008 Share Posted October 8, 2008 Alright, here's more: Jerry: This isn't a good time. Telemarketer: When would be a good time to call back, sir? Jerry: I have an idea, why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you back later? Telemarketer: Umm, we're not allowed to do that. Jerry: Oh, I guess because you don't want strangers calling you at home. Telemarketer: Umm, no. Jerry: Well, now you know how I feel. [hangs up phone] ************************************************** Jerry: I can't take it anymore! She's driving me crazy! I can't sleep, I can't leave the house, and I'm here, I'm climbin' the walls. Meanwhile, I'm dating a virgin, I'm in this contest - something's gotta give! ************************************************** Susan Biddle Ross: I don't see why you can't just use a condom. George Costanza: Uh uh, no. Condoms are for single men. The day we got engaged, I said goodbye to the condom forever. Susan Biddle Ross: Why? George Costanza: I can never get the package open in time. It's like "Beat the Clock." ***************************************************** Jerry: But are you still master of your domain? George Costanza: I'm king of the county. You? Jerry: I'm lord of the manor. ***************************************************** Jerry: Is that your "chicken" making all that noise? Cosmo Kramer: Oh, Little Jerry loves the morning. Jerry: Who? Cosmo Kramer: Little Jerry Seinfeld. Yeah I named my chicken after you. Jerry: Thanks, that's very sweet, but that is not a chicken. Cosmo Kramer: Of course it is. I picked it out myself. Jerry: Well, you picked out a rooster. Cosmo Kramer: Well, that would explain Little Jerry's poor egg production. ********************************************* George Costanza: They gave me my own personal Rascal, Jerry. Jerry: Well, it's comforting to know that you'll be going straight to hell at no more than three miles per hour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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