ExWNYer Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 Happy offending, everybody (although none of these are any more offensive than some of the attitudes on this board). > What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? > > Juan on Juan. > >What is a Yankee? > > The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. > > What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? > > The position of the dirt bag. > > Why is divorce so expensive? > > Because it's worth it. > > What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth? > > One US leader. > > What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? > > Doughnuts. > > Why is air a lot like sex? > > Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. > > Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely? > > Because Janet Reno is her real father. > > What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room > together? > > 100 people who don't do dick. > > What do you call a smart blonde? > > A golden retriever. > > What do attorneys use for birth control? > > Their personalities. > > What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? > > 45 lbs. > > What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? > > 45 minutes. > > What's the fastest way to a man's heart? > > Through his chest with a sharp knife. > > Why do men want to marry virgins? > > They can't stand criticism. > > Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and > good-looking? > > Because those men already have boyfriends. > > What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? > > After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. > > What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? > > The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of > driving. > > A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the > biggest boobs? > > The blonde, because she's 18. > > Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? > > Because they have cotton balls. > > What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? > > A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. > > What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? > > Are you sure it's mine?" > > What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? > > Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck. > > Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? > > Mace will do that to you. > > Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? > > Breasts don't have eyes. > > Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? > > He walks around saying "Yo." > > Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on > Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? > > Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. > > What's the Cuban National Anthem? > > "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" > > Where does an Irish family go on vacation? > > A different bar. > > What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? > > A speech impediment. > > What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? > > They're hiring. > > What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? > > A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage > along with a recipe. > > How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word? > > Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! > > What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern > fairytale? > > A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." > > A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this stevestojan..."
aussiew Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 OMG - that was too funny. Thanks for the giggles.
Tux of Borg Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 > A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the> biggest boobs? > > The blonde, because she's 18. I've added yet another blonde joke to my collection.
CajunBillsBacker Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 > How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word? > > Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! haha, I told that one to my Mom, who is a bigtime bingo player, she loved it.
Griz Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?> > Because Janet Reno is her real father. <now cleaning coffee off the monitor...>
R. Rich Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 You forgot a few: Q: Why are aspirins white? A: Because they work. Q: How did the black girl know her mother was on the rag? A: Her brothers dick tasted funny. Q: What has six legs and goes: "Ho-de-do, ho-de-do, ho-de-do"? A: Three blacks running for the elevator. Q: What's the definition of the word "Confusion"? A: Father's day in Harlem. Q: Do you know why so many blacks were killed in Vietnam? A: Because every time the seargeant said: "Get down!" they stood up and started dancing. Q: What did God say when he saw the first black person? A: Ooops, I burnt one! Q: Why is Stevey Wonder Smiling all the time? A: He doesn't know he's black. Q: Blacks took over Toys R us. A: The renamed it to We B toys. Q: A black guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant. A: It's called Nacho Mama. Q: What do you get when you cross an Eskimo with a black person? A: A Snowblower that Doesn't work! Q: What do you call an Negro with a peg leg? A: stevestojan on a stick. Q: What does an apple and a Negro have in common? A: They both look soooo pretty hanging from a tree. Q: How do you starve a black man? A: Put his food stamps in his work boots. Q: Why don't blacks like Tylenol? A: They have to pick cotton to get to them. Q: What did the black women get for getting an abortion? A: Fat cash from crime stoppers. Q: What does a black person get for Christmas? A: Your bike!!! Q: How do you keep black people out of your back yard? A: Hang one in the front!! Q: What is the difference between a black and a bucket of stevestojan? A: The bucket. Q: Why do you never hit a black on a bike? A: Because it is probably your bike. Q: Why are black people so tall? A: Because their knee grows. Q: Why do black people wear hats covering their face? A: So the birds don't stevestojan on their lips. Q: What is white with a black !@#$? A: The A-Team Q: How many black people does it take to single a roof? A: Depends on how thin you slice um. Q: How many black people does it take to pave a road? A: Depends on how heavy the roller is. Q: When is the only time u concentrate on a black man. A: Behind the eyepiece of your rifle. Q: What's the difference between batman and a blackman? A: Batman can go to the store with out robin. Q: What's the difference between stevestojan and a black? A: Eventually stevestojan turns white and stops stinking. Q: Is it better to be born black or gay? A: Black - because you don't have to tell your folks. Q: How do they say "!@#$ you" in Los Angeles? A: Trust me. Q: What's black and white and red all over? A: An interracial couple in a car wreck. Q: How many blacks does it take to clean a toilet? A: None, it's a woman's job. Q: What's the definition of black foreplay? A: Don't scream or I'll kill you. Q: How do you know Adam and Eve weren't black? A: Ever try and take a rib from a black. Q: Who won the race down the tunnel, the black or the Pole? A: The Pole because the black had to stop to write "mother!@#$er" on the wall. Q: What do you get when you cross a black and a groundhog? A: 6 more weeks of basketball season. Q: Why do blacks always have sex on their minds? A: Because of the pubic hair on their heads. Q: Did you hear about the new black French restaurant? A: It's called Chez What. Q: What did Lincoln say after his five day drunk? A: I freed whom. Q: What's long, black and smelly? A: The unemployment line. Q: Why don't blacks like blowjobs? A: They don't like any jobs. Q: What do you get when you cross a black prostitute with a Chinese woman? A: A broad that sucks shirts. Q: Why do blacks raise chickens? A: To teach their kids how to walk. Q: How do you make a black nervous? A: Take him to an auction. Q: What do you call a black prostitute with braces? A: A black and Decker pecker wrecker. Q: What do you call a black test tube baby? A: Janitor in a drum. Q: Why do blacks smell so bad? A: So the blind can hate them too. Q: How did they invent break dancing? A: Trying to steal the hubcaps off a moving car. Q: Why did God invent golf? A: So white people could dress up like blacks. Q: What do you call a black man in Thailand? A: A tycoon. Q: Why do blacks keep their fly's open? A: In case they have to count to eleven. Q: What do you call a black man in a tree? A: A branch manager. Q: What's the most confusing day in Harlem? A: Father's day. Q: Who are the two most famous black women in history? A: Aunt Jemima and Mutha !@#$er. Q: How do you stop a black baby from crying? A: Wet his lips and stick him to the wall. Q: Did you hear that the KKK bought the movie rights to Roots? A: They're going to play it backwards so it has a happy ending. Q: What do you call 4 blacks in a 57 chevy? A: Blood vessel. Q: Why do blacks wear white gloves? A: So they don't bite their fingers eating tootsie rolls. Q: What is black and has four legs and goes Hol De Doe, Hol De Doe? A: Two blacks running for the elevator. Q: Why did God invent the climax? A: So blacks would know when to stop !@#$ing. Q: Why did so many blacks get killed in the war? A: When the Colonel yelled get down, they all got up and danced. Q: What's the definition of worthless? A: A 7'2" black man with a small prick, that can't play basketball. Q: What do you call a black with a new bike? A: A thief. Q: What do you call a black with a new caddie? A: A better thief. Q: Why don't black kids jump on their beds? A: Because they'll stick to the velcro on the ceiling. Q: How do you get them down once they're stuck? A: Tell Mexican kids they're pinatas. Q: Did you hear about Klu Klux Kneivel? A: He tried to jump over 8 blacks with a steam roller. Q: How can you tell when a black as been on your computer? A: It is not there. Q: What do you call a black with no arms? A: Trustworthy. Q: Why do black women where high heels? A: So their knuckles don't drag. Q: What do you call a black guys condom? A: A duffle bag. Q: Why are black guys eyes red after sex? A: From the pepper spray. Q: What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10,000 black guys? A: Warden. Q: What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10 black guys? A: The quarterback. Q: Whats wrong with 5 blacks driving a Cadillac off of a cliff? A: The car holds 6. Q: How do you get a black man out of a tree? A: Cut the rope. Q: What do you call a black person on birth-control? A: Crime prevention.
ch19079 Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 > Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? > > Mace will do that to you. damn funny
stevestojan Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 You forgot a few: Q: Why are aspirins white? A: Because they work. Q: How did the black girl know her mother was on the rag? A: Her brothers dick tasted funny. Q: What has six legs and goes: "Ho-de-do, ho-de-do, ho-de-do"? A: Three blacks running for the elevator. Q: What's the definition of the word "Confusion"? A: Father's day in Harlem. Q: Do you know why so many blacks were killed in Vietnam? A: Because every time the seargeant said: "Get down!" they stood up and started dancing. Q: What did God say when he saw the first black person? A: Ooops, I burnt one! Q: Why is Stevey Wonder Smiling all the time? A: He doesn't know he's black. Q: Blacks took over Toys R us. A: The renamed it to We B toys. Q: A black guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant. A: It's called Nacho Mama. Q: What do you get when you cross an Eskimo with a black person? A: A Snowblower that Doesn't work! Q: What do you call an Negro with a peg leg? A: stevestojan on a stick. Q: What does an apple and a Negro have in common? A: They both look soooo pretty hanging from a tree. Q: How do you starve a black man? A: Put his food stamps in his work boots. Q: Why don't blacks like Tylenol? A: They have to pick cotton to get to them. Q: What did the black women get for getting an abortion? A: Fat cash from crime stoppers. Q: What does a black person get for Christmas? A: Your bike!!! Q: How do you keep black people out of your back yard? A: Hang one in the front!! Q: What is the difference between a black and a bucket of stevestojan? A: The bucket. Q: Why do you never hit a black on a bike? A: Because it is probably your bike. Q: Why are black people so tall? A: Because their knee grows. Q: Why do black people wear hats covering their face? A: So the birds don't stevestojan on their lips. Q: What is white with a black !@#$? A: The A-Team Q: How many black people does it take to single a roof? A: Depends on how thin you slice um. Q: How many black people does it take to pave a road? A: Depends on how heavy the roller is. Q: When is the only time u concentrate on a black man. A: Behind the eyepiece of your rifle. Q: What's the difference between batman and a blackman? A: Batman can go to the store with out robin. Q: What's the difference between stevestojan and a black? A: Eventually stevestojan turns white and stops stinking. Q: Is it better to be born black or gay? A: Black - because you don't have to tell your folks. Q: How do they say "!@#$ you" in Los Angeles? A: Trust me. Q: What's black and white and red all over? A: An interracial couple in a car wreck. Q: How many blacks does it take to clean a toilet? A: None, it's a woman's job. Q: What's the definition of black foreplay? A: Don't scream or I'll kill you. Q: How do you know Adam and Eve weren't black? A: Ever try and take a rib from a black. Q: Who won the race down the tunnel, the black or the Pole? A: The Pole because the black had to stop to write "mother!@#$er" on the wall. Q: What do you get when you cross a black and a groundhog? A: 6 more weeks of basketball season. Q: Why do blacks always have sex on their minds? A: Because of the pubic hair on their heads. Q: Did you hear about the new black French restaurant? A: It's called Chez What. Q: What did Lincoln say after his five day drunk? A: I freed whom. Q: What's long, black and smelly? A: The unemployment line. Q: Why don't blacks like blowjobs? A: They don't like any jobs. Q: What do you get when you cross a black prostitute with a Chinese woman? A: A broad that sucks shirts. Q: Why do blacks raise chickens? A: To teach their kids how to walk. Q: How do you make a black nervous? A: Take him to an auction. Q: What do you call a black prostitute with braces? A: A black and Decker pecker wrecker. Q: What do you call a black test tube baby? A: Janitor in a drum. Q: Why do blacks smell so bad? A: So the blind can hate them too. Q: How did they invent break dancing? A: Trying to steal the hubcaps off a moving car. Q: Why did God invent golf? A: So white people could dress up like blacks. Q: What do you call a black man in Thailand? A: A tycoon. Q: Why do blacks keep their fly's open? A: In case they have to count to eleven. Q: What do you call a black man in a tree? A: A branch manager. Q: What's the most confusing day in Harlem? A: Father's day. Q: Who are the two most famous black women in history? A: Aunt Jemima and Mutha !@#$er. Q: How do you stop a black baby from crying? A: Wet his lips and stick him to the wall. Q: Did you hear that the KKK bought the movie rights to Roots? A: They're going to play it backwards so it has a happy ending. Q: What do you call 4 blacks in a 57 chevy? A: Blood vessel. Q: Why do blacks wear white gloves? A: So they don't bite their fingers eating tootsie rolls. Q: What is black and has four legs and goes Hol De Doe, Hol De Doe? A: Two blacks running for the elevator. Q: Why did God invent the climax? A: So blacks would know when to stop !@#$ing. Q: Why did so many blacks get killed in the war? A: When the Colonel yelled get down, they all got up and danced. Q: What's the definition of worthless? A: A 7'2" black man with a small prick, that can't play basketball. Q: What do you call a black with a new bike? A: A thief. Q: What do you call a black with a new caddie? A: A better thief. Q: Why don't black kids jump on their beds? A: Because they'll stick to the velcro on the ceiling. Q: How do you get them down once they're stuck? A: Tell Mexican kids they're pinatas. Q: Did you hear about Klu Klux Kneivel? A: He tried to jump over 8 blacks with a steam roller. Q: How can you tell when a black as been on your computer? A: It is not there. Q: What do you call a black with no arms? A: Trustworthy. Q: Why do black women where high heels? A: So their knuckles don't drag. Q: What do you call a black guys condom? A: A duffle bag. Q: Why are black guys eyes red after sex? A: From the pepper spray. Q: What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10,000 black guys? A: Warden. Q: What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10 black guys? A: The quarterback. Q: Whats wrong with 5 blacks driving a Cadillac off of a cliff? A: The car holds 6. Q: How do you get a black man out of a tree? A: Cut the rope. Q: What do you call a black person on birth-control? A: Crime prevention. 77255[/snapback] am i allowed to laugh at this?
ch19079 Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 Q: What does an apple and a Negro have in common? A: They both look soooo pretty hanging from a tree. damn. you might have to take that one off..... damn, i kept reading.... i dont think this post will be up much longer....
Movinon Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 As part of his parole agreement, Mike Tyson has to go back to school and finish grade 5. This is Mike's Ebonics homework assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence. 1. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody. 2. Dictate - My girlfriend say my dictate good. 3. Catacomb - I saw Don King at da fights the other night. Man, somebody get that catacomb. 4. Foreclose - If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose. 5. Rectum - I had two Cadillacs, but my B word rectum both. 6. Disappointment - My parole officer tol' me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint. 7. Penis - I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said penis. 8. Israel - Tito try to sell me a rolex. I say, "Man, it look fake." He say, "stevestojan, that watch Israel." 9. Undermine - There's a fine lookin' ho in the apartment undermine. 10. Acoustic - When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to the pool hall. 11. Iraq - When we got the poolhall, I tol' my uncle, "Iraq, you break." 12. Stain - My mother-in-law stopped by and I axed her, "Do you plan on stain for dinner?" 13. Fortify - I axed this ho on da street, "how much?" she say, "fortify". 14. Income - I just got in bed wif a ho and income my wife.
R. Rich Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 Even more: Q: Did you hear about the new tires, Firestein? A: They not only stop on a dime, they also pick it up! Q: What would you call a bloodthirsty Jew on a rampage? A: Genghis Cohen. Q: What did they call the new Jewish-Japanese restaurant? A: "So-Sue-Mi." Q: Define: Genius A: A "C" student with a Jewish mother. Jewish people are the most optimistic people in the world. They have some cut off before they even know how big it will get. Q: In the Jewish doctrine, when does a fetus become a human? A: When it graduates from med school. 5761 Year according to Jewish calendar 4698 Year according to Chinese calendar 1063 Total # of years that Jews went without Chinese food Q: What do you call ten Jewish women in a basement? A: A whine cellar. Q. What is the difference between a crucifixion and a circumcision? A. In a crucifixion, they throw out the whole Jew. Q: What's the definition of a queer Jew? A: Someone that likes girls more than money.
DRChicago Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 What was great about the first post in htis threar was the diversity of 'targets' and the generally good natured ribbing tone. The most venimous statements were aime at hte powerful and arrogant (BMW bit for example). Congratulations to R. Rich for his racist narrow list after posts here for years I have added someone to my ignore posts list list for the very first time. What a great feature. Can't wait to see Willis on the field in under three weeks when I make the treak to Buffalo
stevestojan Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 Congratulations to R. Rich for his racist narrow list 77308[/snapback] Now THAT'S funny!!!
JinVA Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 Now THAT'S funny!!! 77318[/snapback] That was funnier than all of the above
EndZoneCrew Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 I am offended by these jokes I am being sarcastic....I know people cannot pick that up sometimes
JinVA Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 Maybe its time to post the "official R Rich is a racist thread"
R. Rich Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 Isn't it obvious? There's nobody more racist than me.
stevestojan Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 Isn't it obvious? There's nobody more racist than me. 77344[/snapback] R. Rich actually burned a Menorah in my front yard last week. I didn't really understand it.
R. Rich Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 Oh, that was your place? I was looking for Jay Rosen.
stevestojan Posted October 20, 2004 Posted October 20, 2004 Oh, that was your place? I was looking for Jay Rosen. 77354[/snapback] Nah, some WASP named Rubeo moved into the old Rosen residence.
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