ieatcrayonz Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 I need a little help. This article talks about global warming. I have been wanting to make money off of this hooey for a long time now but the field is littered with competition. Al Gore is selling "carbon credits" which is like selling "nothing". He is getting rich and obviously eating well. More power to him. Anyway, the article talks about a new thing with global warming called "extinction". That is a long word and I don't really care what it means because it sounds like people will be scared of it. The question is how do I make money from it? I will pay you 1.4% if you come up with a sellable idea that I use. My first idea is to come out with some "extinction deodorant" because extinction has the word "stink" in it. If I use that I won't pay any royalties, but am open to better ideas because extinction deordorant has manufacturing costs. Maybe extinction insurance will work, but I don't want a rush of claims from smelly people like hippies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 I need a little help. This article talks about global warming. I have been wanting to make money off of this hooey for a long time now but the field is littered with competition. Al Gore is selling "carbon credits" which is like selling "nothing". He is getting rich and obviously eating well. More power to him. Anyway, the article talks about a new thing with global warming called "extinction". That is a long word and I don't really care what it means because it sounds like people will be scared of it. The question is how do I make money from it? I will pay you 1.4% if you come up with a sellable idea that I use. My first idea is to come out with some "extinction deodorant" because extinction has the word "stink" in it. If I use that I won't pay any royalties, but am open to better ideas because extinction deordorant has manufacturing costs. Maybe extinction insurance will work, but I don't want a rush of claims from smelly people like hippies. Extinction credits. Sell them to people who want to kill off darter snails or spotted owls or fiscally conservative Republicans or other rare species. Roll the proceeds into ecological and habitat funding to preserve ecosystems that harbor other rare species, so you can eventually sell of extinction credits on them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ieatcrayonz Posted August 11, 2008 Author Share Posted August 11, 2008 Extinction credits. Sell them to people who want to kill off darter snails or spotted owls or fiscally conservative Republicans or other rare species. Roll the proceeds into ecological and habitat funding to preserve ecosystems that harbor other rare species, so you can eventually sell of extinction credits on them. A couple of things. I'm pretty sure that snails, owls and Republicans all already stink. I'd have to charge VERY high premiums, which is ok, and/or pay out large benefits, which is NOT OK. Plus, the money won't be rolled into anything except for my pocket and maybe 1.4% of yours. I have to reject this idea but it shows enough promise that I hope you keep trying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
/dev/null Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 We could sell them "Fossil Credits" For a nominal fee of $10 Miiiilion dollars we can fossilize your remains and bury them plush Beverly Hills. In 50 million years or so, whatever the next species that evolves will find your remains, reconstruct them, and put you in a museum! For an additional $1 Miiiiilion dollars we can bury your remains in a unique location. This value added benefit will increase the odds that your remains stay together and do not get mismatched with someone else or even worse, with some Wal-Mart shopping Pleb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ieatcrayonz Posted August 11, 2008 Author Share Posted August 11, 2008 We could sell them "Fossil Credits" For a nominal fee of $1 Miiiilion dollars we can fossilize your remains and bury them plush Beverly Hills. In 50 million years or so, whatever the next species that evolves will find your remains, reconstruct them, and put you in a museum! For an additional $250 thousand dollars we can bury your remains in a unique location. This value added benefit will increase the odds that your remains stay together and do not get mismatched with someone else or even worse, with some Wal-Mart shopping Pleb Oh this would be a great idea if fossilizing someone properly didn't cost $4M. Plus I hardly think someone wants to get turned into a rock in order to avoid a little BO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
/dev/null Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 Oh this would be a great idea if fossilizing someone properly didn't cost $4M. Hadn't fleshed out all of the details when I suggested a strategery. I have updated the pricing scheme Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastaJoe Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 Get a radio talk show and pander to like-minded people who don't want to acknowledge there's a problem that needs to be dealt with. You can sell them chairs and t-shirts with your logo on them so they can show others they're "Proud to be a Global Warmer". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
/dev/null Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 Get a radio talk show and pander to like-minded people who don't want to acknowledge there's a problem that needs to be dealt with. You can sell them chairs and t-shirts with your logo on them so they can show others they're "Proud to be a Global Warmer". I don't know if that's possible in this economy. There's a credit crunch going on right now and the idiots who invested in Air America can't afford another stupid radio investment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ieatcrayonz Posted August 11, 2008 Author Share Posted August 11, 2008 Get a radio talk show and pander to like-minded people who don't want to acknowledge there's a problem that needs to be dealt with. You can sell them chairs and t-shirts with your logo on them so they can show others they're "Proud to be a Global Warmer". I'm trying to make money. What you describe is a secondary market. There are WAAAAAAAAAAY too many morons who think the world is getting hotter because they drove to work. Even if it went up a few degrees, people wouldn't get extinction, so selling the extinction insurance has low cost. Plus, how does one measure stink anyway? I can just tell them they smell fine or they stink for non-global warming reasons so their claim is invalid. After I get every last dime out of these complete morons I can go after the secondary market morons with t-shirts and stuff. On a side note, would you like to buy some insurance against extinction? If we keep polluting this planet you may have to buy more deodorant than usual because it will be hotter and you'll be even more sweaty. Deordorant can be costly, especially when the supply and demand gets all out of whack in the coming peril. For a small fee our policy covers deodorant overages and related costs such as additional medicine cabinet storage area. Basically you can consider yourself totally immune to the costs of extinction. This way if you become extinct, you will have no worries while all your neighbors will be scrambling around trying to reverse their extinction at their own expense. Our low introductory rate is $2,850 a month but it is less is February because that month is both cold and short. Say about $2,135. We accept Visa and cash. Let me know and I'll e-mail you a policy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In-A-Gadda-Levitre Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 Floating shelters that protect you from tsunamis (all the ice melting in the arctic), global warming temperatures and catastrophic weather. Optional oxygen systems and organic food supplies raise your profit margins. Annual service contracts, window cleaning, and docking fees provide long term revenue streams. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ieatcrayonz Posted August 11, 2008 Author Share Posted August 11, 2008 Floating shelters that protect you from tsunamis (all the ice melting in the arctic), global warming temperatures and catastrophic weather. Optional oxygen systems and organic food supplies raise your profit margins. Annual service contracts, window cleaning, and docking fees provide long term revenue streams. Other than docking fees on what is currently land, all of your proposals have costs. Keep in mind, I'm trying to make money from the loons that believe this hooey without actually doing anything. Think Al Gore. I'm trying to do that by "helping people cope with extinction". Thanks for helping though. Keep trying but just keep to my parameters. On a side note, would you like to buy some insurance against extinction? If we keep polluting this planet you may have to buy more deodorant than usual because it will be hotter and you'll be even more sweaty. Deordorant can be costly, especially when the supply and demand gets all out of whack in the coming peril. For a small fee our policy covers deodorant overages and related costs such as additional medicine cabinet storage area. Basically you can consider yourself totally immune to the costs of extinction. This way if you become extinct, you will have no worries while all your neighbors will be scrambling around trying to reverse their extinction at their own expense. Our low introductory rate is $2,850 a month but it is less is February because that month is both cold and short. Say about $2,135. We accept Visa and cash. Let me know and I'll e-mail you a policy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts