Picnic table F'er sentenced

[drnykterstein]

nah my job is corrupting the youth of america by sending them pro-brussels cows propaganda

 

Just don't let them wear any picnic table costumes!!

[Just Jack]

Maybe the picnic table was dressed really sexily. A nice 48" tablecloth, with drawings of hamburgers and hotdogs, maybe some potato salad also.

[Philly McButterpants]

On four occasions, Price is seen naked and masturbating in the rear room near the open doorway; he then comes out to the deck. He tilts the metal round picnic table on its side and lays up against it and has sexual intercourse with the table. Afterwards he cleans the table and the deck.

 

At least he's tidy. . .

[Beerball]

Maybe the picnic table was dressed really sexily. A nice 48" tablecloth, with drawings of hamburgers and hotdogs, maybe some potato salad also.

so you're saying the table was asking for it? friggin neanderthal.

[Guffalo]

I do agree with you on that point, It is strange that someone would witness and record this guy for so long before doing something about it. I'm glad to see you conclude that this guy is out of his mind. That pretty much sums it up for me. Usually when it comes to deviant behavior like this, it tends to escalate. IMO, that's what makes a guy like this dangerous. Had he gotten away with this stuff, it very well may have increased to rape or even worse.

 

 

Everyone has an opinion, but if you could see what the poor table went through it is sad. As a young table, it was happy to frolic with the children, play games and be part of the family.

 

In its formative years, it was a sturdy, useful piece of furniture that served the family well. After the defendant corrupted the poor thing it spent its later years broken down and nothing more than a used up attention starved piece of furniture. Sad to see what had been a wonderfully useful table has gone on to be a two bit "whore-table" that takes on all comers. I think the sentence is too light after see the havoc this man has done to that poor, innocent table.

[Beerball]

Everyone has an opinion, but if you could see what the poor table went through it is sad. As a young table, it was happy to frolic with the children, play games and be part of the family.

 

In its formative years, it was a sturdy, useful piece of furniture that served the family well. After the defendant corrupted the poor thing it spent its later years broken down and nothing more than a used up attention starved piece of furniture. Sad to see what had been a wonderfully useful table has gone on to be a two bit "whore-table" that takes on all comers. I think the sentence is too light after see the havoc this man has done to that poor, innocent table.

(that's really funny)

 

Listen, we can't take care of every single table that is a victim of abuse. It was washed, it was sanded and it was refinished. What more do we owe the table? Is society expected to fund counseling that will have the table on the couch for the rest of its natural life? Sooner or later self pride has to come into the equation. It's time for the table to pull itself up by its cloth straps and move on with its life.

[BLZFAN4LIFE]

Perhaps Artie was

.

[BLZFAN4LIFE]

I didn't understand why people made such a big deal about this before, and I don't understand why people are making a big deal about it now.

 

So much for the privacy of your own home.

If it happened in the privacy of his own home than it would be a non-issue.

[Fezmid]

If it happened in the privacy of his own home than it would be a non-issue.

 

Umm, it DID happen in his own home:

 

"Price is seen naked and masturbating in the rear room near the open doorway; he then comes out to the deck. "

What's this neighbor doing recording things that are happening inside of his neighbor's house? Previous articles make it sound like only the neighbor would have a view to see this guy.

 

And you still haven't shown me any causation, let alone correlation, between "deviant acts" and escalated crimes.

[JoeF]

Today it's a picnic table. Tomorrow, he's got the entire patio display at Wal-Mart held at gunpoint.

 

"I'm gonna !@#$ this firepit, man, and if anyone moves, the orange-handled Rachel Ray-designed BBQ serving set with free baster is gonna learn what it's like to be my bittch.

.

 

Classic. Just classic. Thank you.

 

Peep show at Home Depot...Peep Show at Home Depot....

[DC Tom]

"Had sex with" a table? He masturbated with it. How the !@#$ do you "have sex with" a table? Take it out for dinner, pour a few drinks in it, get it home, put on a little Barry White...?

[BLZFAN4LIFE]

Would you care to show some scientific proof about that please?

 

It's true that deviant activities, such as killing animals, leads to sociopathic tendencies later in life. But I haven't read any research indicating masterbation via inanimate objects is considered deviant and leads to anything worse.

 

There's a lot of REALLY weird sexual stuff out there that, to me, seems far more deviant, but I'd never think it's going to escalate to anything.

First of all, if you have to READ SOMETHING to tell you that F'ing a picnic table is deviant than you are clearly a little slow on the uptake Fez.

Secondly, I was using what I know of serial killers (as you point out) and applying it to this case. I think APJ has demonstrated that he was on a path of increased depravity and perhaps the police nipped a potentially dangerous perp in the bud. According to the story, first he was seen masturbating inside of his house within view an open doorway, then with the table inside, and when that wasn't fun enough, he moved his act outside in view of his neighbors and close to an elementary school. If you are so certain that this wouldn't escalate to anything, then why not prepare your guest bedroom for a visitor in 6 months?

[BLZFAN4LIFE]

And dude ... you need to chill. Like, seriously. Deep breaths. To the undiscerning eye this looks like you're just repressed and/or jealous. The question is whether or not you're jealous of the guy or the picnic table.

 

To quote someone far wiser:

 

"Who cares what coupling gives any consenting adults pleasure? All we should care about is people are going home and getting off somehow, with something, some one, anyone because a person who gets off tends not to be a nut who gets off OFFING people."

 

So chill. Or go get your own picnic table.

yeaahhh, NO, not jealous or repressed, I gits mine dog! But I will bite, who penned that profoundly philosophical quote?

[CosmicBills]

First of all, if you have to READ SOMETHING to tell you that F'ing a picnic table is deviant than you are clearly a little slow on the uptake Fez.

Secondly, I was using what I know of serial killers (as you point out) and applying it to this case. I think APJ has demonstrated that he was on a path of increased depravity and perhaps the police nipped a potentially dangerous perp in the bud. According to the story, first he was seen masturbating inside of his house within view an open doorway, then with the table inside, and when that wasn't fun enough, he moved his act outside in view of his neighbors and close to an elementary school. If you are so certain that this wouldn't escalate to anything, then why not prepare your guest bedroom for a visitor in 6 months?

Now you're stretching.

 

He moved close to an elementary school? No. His house is just NEAR an elementary school. That is soooooo not the same thing. Who cares what he does in his own home so long as he's not injuring anyone. There are lots of freaks in the world, and most of them are anything but dangerous.

 

But you're right. Let's hold a public hearing on picnic table abuse. Let's flush more of the citizen's tax dollars down the drain to incarcerate the dangerous picnic table fu*ker before he moves on to beach chairs. We'll get Congress to hold hearings and fund studies! Let it be known that if anyone gets off in a way that you find "odd" they should be locked up forever! We'll make sure people only have sex the way God intended: Man on top, woman on bottom (not speaking or moving of course).

 

That'll teach 'em.

[BLZFAN4LIFE]

Now you're stretching.

 

He moved close to an elementary school? No. His house is just NEAR an elementary school. That is soooooo not the same thing. Who cares what he does in his own home so long as he's not injuring anyone. There are lots of freaks in the world, and most of them are anything but dangerous.

 

But you're right. Let's hold a public hearing on picnic table abuse. Let's flush more of the citizen's tax dollars down the drain to incarcerate the dangerous picnic table fu*ker before he moves on to beach chairs. We'll get Congress to hold hearings and fund studies! Let it be known that if anyone gets off in a way that you find "odd" they should be locked up forever! We'll make sure people only have sex the way God intended: Man on top, woman on bottom (not speaking or moving of course).

 

That'll teach 'em.

I see you're from LA, that explains a lot. I suppose you would rather throw a parade for Art. After all, it must have taken a lot of COURAGE for Artie to come out of the closet and put his picnic table love on display for all to see. This guy is just a brave pioneer worthy of adoration!

[/dev/null]

Maybe the picnic table was dressed really sexily. A nice 48" tablecloth, with drawings of hamburgers and hotdogs, maybe some potato salad also.

How old was the picnic table? If the table was less than 18 years old the F'er could also face statutory rape charges and whoever filmed it could be charged with kiddie porn

[Fezmid]

First of all, if you have to READ SOMETHING to tell you that F'ing a picnic table is deviant than you are clearly a little slow on the uptake Fez.

 

Picking your nose is deviant activity too... Maybe we should nip that in the bud and arrest anyone who does that too?

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deviant_behavior

 

Should we lock people up who do Pony Play as well? That's deviant.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_animal_roleplay

 

Some people like having sex dressed as stuffed animals. We should arrest them too.

 

Good dialog from an episode of CSI (I never thought I'd quote that show... )

 

Catherine: Okay... Well, I have heard of some guys getting off in some weird ways... but humping an animal suit? Whatever happened to normal sex?

Grissom: What is normal sex?

Catherine: Uh... you think it's normal for a grown human to only be intimate with a talking animal?

Grissom: Well, Freud said that the only unusual sexual behavior was not to have any at all. After that, it was only a matter of opportunity and preference. Some people obviously prefer the feel of fur to the texture of human skin.

Catherine: Well, I like a hairy chest, but that doesn't mean I'm going to go bop a six-foot weasel.

 

And hey, since you seem to think people who sex with inanimate objects are evil would-be rapists, why not arrest everyone coming out of a sex toy store? That'll teach 'em!

 

Have you ever had sex in anything other than the missionary position? That was considered deviant throughout most of history as well (and still illegal in many states!)

 

Secondly, I was using what I know of serial killers (as you point out) and applying it to this case.

 

But they're COMPLETELY different topics. One is violence. One is sexual gratification. Not like he was having sex with his pet cat, then killing it. He was getting off on a table ON HIS OWN PROPERTY. Big deal.

 

I think APJ has demonstrated that he was on a path of increased depravity and perhaps the police nipped a potentially dangerous perpin the bud.

 

Well that's good -- let's arrest people who MIGHT be dangerous. That'll teach 'em!

 

According to the story, first he was seen masturbating inside of his house within view an open doorway, then with the table inside, and when that wasn't fun enough, he moved his act outside in view of his neighbors and close to an elementary school.

Where in the article does it say he did anything with the table inside his house, then moved it outside? It doesn't.

 

Also, it wasn't in view of his neighbors -- only this ONE neighbor. The guy was on his deck, and as I said before, a previous article made it pretty clear that it wasn't in view of anyone but this one nosy neighbor who was spying on his with a video camera.

 

As for "close to an elementary school," give me a break. Most residential areas are close to an elementary school, especially since "close" is usually defined as "within a few miles." But the media loves the, "Think of the children!!!!" line.

 

CW

[CosmicBills]

I see you're from LA, that explains a lot. I suppose you would rather throw a parade for Art. After all, it must have taken a lot of COURAGE for Artie to come out of the closet and put his picnic table love on display for all to see. This guy is just a brave pioneer worthy of adoration!

 

Yes. You're right. Got me!

 

Look, you're uptight about sex. I got it. You see or hear someone who does something "different" than your routine and you freak instead of doing what God intended ... LAUGH at it all.

 

Why judge sexual preferences if no one is being hurt? What was that little rule we all learned growing up? Judge not lest ye be judged? Something like that ... And to care this much about someone sexual preferences rather than see it as the cosmic joke it is, is just hilarious to me.

 

I'll dig out the old quote bin on sex once more for ya ... though this is not in reference to picnic tables, it still fits pretty well.

 

"Live and let live, folks. Let your neighbor come home, get out of his car, waive happily at you as he goes into his home, then you know something? FORGET about him or her. Let it go.

 

Why do we try to intellectualize sex anyway? It resides in an exulted position in the visceral pantheon because it is the great unfigurable. We don’t know much about it but we do know that the orgasm never disappoints. You’ve never come and though, “oh, sh*t, what was that?” It is always there for you.

 

You know that incredible feeling when you’re in the midst of one of those Santino Corleone door banging froths, one of those Arthur C Clark memorial fu*ks, where you look down at the bottom of the bed and see that big monolith and you don’t have any idea what it means but you know something really, really important is about to happen. And the guy’s got that Eddie Vedder headshake thing going, and the woman’s muttering under her breath like Donovan singing “Herty Gerty Man” and you realize at that precise moment you are at the pleasurable epicenter of the milky way galaxy.

 

And then, as so frequently happens in human endeavors, one or the other sexual partners inadvertently hurts the other person by accidentally elbowing them or leaning on their hair. The pain breaks the sexual frame of reference, we begin to decompress and intellectualize again. When you consider sex from that narrow perspective you see that it’s really such an odd, quarky little exercise, isn’t it?

 

And the woman is just about to kiss her own tit and she sees you looking at her with that tilt head look like your dog at his bowl when you change his food on him, she realizes you’re no longer in the throws of it, she tries to smooth her way out but she knows you’ve caught her and she looks at you and says, “If you ever mention it, I’ll kill you in your sleep, you treacherous co*ksucker.”

 

And that is sex. So leave it at that, and don’t even try to figure it out."

[gmac17]

Yeah, banging a picnic table is a bit strange - but have you ever surfed the internet dude? there is a lot stranger stuff than that out there. If he was on his front porch yelling and asking for people to watch I'd be all for throwing him in jail, but it sounds like he was not trying to make a public display out of it in which case he's just a whack job.

[thebug]

Was this a Canadian table? If so, it is obviously to blame. (likely drunk as well) and was it dark and rainy? I guess we will have to wait for the press conference before we will know all the facts.