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(Humor) Dick Jauron interview


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Article by: John Doe

 

On the Monday morning after the draft, I drove to the corner of Abbot and Bills Drive to interview Jauron. Instead of taking me into his office, he sat down with me in a quiet corner.

 

Interviewer: Could you touch on the Bills' plans for Toronto?

 

Jauron: We just want to keep our options open, rather than painting ourselves into a corner.

 

Interviewer: Describe the preparation that goes into the draft.

 

Jauron: We send scouts to the four corners of the earth to search for football talent.

 

Interviewer: How soon before some of those draft picks become regular contributors on offense and defense?

 

Jauron: Big days from our draft picks are just around the corner.

 

Interviewer: What's the one thing you look for the most in a draft pick?

 

Jauron: When you talk to him, does he look you in the eye, or do his eyes wander to every corner of the room? Everything else is secondary.

 

Interviewer: You've gone 7-9 in each of the previous two seasons in Buffalo. How do you think you'll do this year?

 

Jauron: I think we'll turn the corner.

 

Interviewer: The Dolphins have improved themselves in the off-season. How do you think you'll do against them?

 

Jauron: We've got them backed into a corner. (The corners of his mouth curved upward in a smile when he said this.)

 

Interviewer: Describe your relationship with Bills' fans.

 

Jauron: I'm glad they're in our corner.

 

Interviewer: Head coaches get paid pretty well, and it must be nice to be able to afford any car you want. What's the single most important feature you look for in a car?

 

Jauron: How well it handles corners.

 

Interviewer: Your attention seems to be focused on a particular position. Would you care to elaborate on that?

 

Jauron: No.

 

Interviewer: Why not?

 

Jauron: Because I'd feel like I was cornered.

 

Interviewer: What's your least favorite shape?

 

Jauron: The circle.

 

Interviewer: Why?

 

Jauron: Because a circle doesn't have any . . . oh, never mind.

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