SABURZFAN Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Nah, I didn't even know that he was feeling me like that, it kinda weirded me out when he did tell me. Trust me, when I'm flirting w/ a guy he will DEFINATELY know it! on the flipside, younger guys can also be immature about things like that too. i don't know both of your ages but that could be a possibility as well.
buckeyemike Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 The older I get, the more I find this answer to be "NO". 15 years ago, when I was still single and wanted a girlfriend more than anything else on earth, I read a very funny book called "Nice Guys Don't Get Laid". I realized that I had approached everything exactly the wrong way, trying to be a gentleman (read: acting like a whiny puppy dog toward women) when I should have been feigning disinterest. I put that principle to use, and had three steady girlfriends in the four years before I met Kim. Obviously, none of the others worked out long term (the longest was just over a year). But Kim and I have been together going on 11 years now. I like to think that I played my cards exactly right with the woman who would become my wife...but another part of me thinks I just got lucky. Today, I prefer not to be close friends with other women. You find yourself fantasizing what it would be like to be with them, and that creates a disservice to your wife, the one you're pledged to.
GoodBye Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 This is sure a "hot" topic for some. I respect your "chemistry" thought; it's either there or it isn't. Some people I have known do get the "spark" much later after meeting each other. But being gunshy may make you averse to the "chemistry" when you do find it! You're right, relationships are tough, and you gotta work at them (i.e. put up with their s&%t, as they put up with yours). FYI, I saw previews for a new flick about this very topic. It stars the guy from Enchanted and Grey's Anatomy (can't think of his name now). He loves screwing as many woman as possible but never commits. He has an attractive long-term "friend" that he dates regularly, and when she becomes engaged, he freaks out and tries to stop the wedding. They are so close that SHE asks HIM to be her maid of honor. I think the title is "Made of Honor". It looks funny for a "chick flick", though. Patrick Dempsey The person that wants more out of the friendship is the one that ends up getting hurt. So I'd say, probably not. Depends on the people too. Hard to say.
CosmicBills Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 ... For example I have a female cousin who is very attractive ... Am I the only one that started hearing dueling banjos at this point in the thread?
billsdiva007 Posted April 6, 2008 Author Posted April 6, 2008 OK everyone, what do you all think about this one? 1 of my best friends is a guy & we have been friends since high school back in the day. He's a great guy, but a few years ago he suggested that we become more than friends & I declined because I wasn't feeling dude like that plus he's like a brother 2 me. Needless to say, he didn't agree & we ended up having a big argument about it & not speaking for years. Fast forward to the present, we talked & got everything out in the open & now we are cool, but our friendship is different & kinda distant now. What should I do? I value our friendship, but I don't want him getting the wrong idea. Well, if anyone cares, me & dude are still friends & he seems to understand that is all we'll ever be. so I guess it all worked out for the best.
KD in CA Posted April 6, 2008 Posted April 6, 2008 Well, if anyone cares, me & dude are still friends & he seems to understand that is all we'll ever be. so I guess it all worked out for the best. That's even worse. That means he's in love with you.
inkman Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Many men see "flirty" in things that you don't have any intention as being flirty. Yep. Hey that girl is smiling at me, she must want to !@#$ me. Hey that girl is talking to me, she must want to !@#$ me. Hey that girl has a restraining order against me, she must want to !@#$ me. That's pretty much how most dudes work.
Swift Sylvan Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Well, if anyone cares, me & dude are still friends & he seems to understand that is all we'll ever be. so I guess it all worked out for the best. I'm a boy, early 20's, and have a friend who I really like that just wants to be friends. From the view of a guy I have some female friends who are just friends because I'm not attracted to. Some female friends I am attracted to, but I don't like their personalities enough to ever seriously consider anything beyond fantasy, then there are the rest. I asked out my friend who I liked and she turned me down. So, you need to be very careful because being in his situation potentially, when she shows affection or interest in me it makes me think maybe she is reconsidering. Then I see her interested in someone else, mentally call myself an idiot and act moody around her because I blame her for something that isn't her fault. And I'm more thoughtful than the average guy. Basically it would appear that your friend likes you enough that he doesn't want to upset you even over his own desire to be with you. That is really dangerous, because that means that this guy might not only really like you, but really care about you too, but not in the ONLY way you want him to. One good way you could try to lessen some of the tension is...well talk to him about other girls, he must be at least interested in others. If not, he's crazy. If you truly have no attraction to him, then what do you care if he starts seeing other girls. If the thought of him spending most of/all of his time with other girls bugs you, then you're not being entirely honest with yourself and you're holding yourself back. The girl I like goes out of her way sometimes to put me down. Not so much to be mean, but more so because I think deep down she wants to make sure she doesn't like me and make sure she isn't making she won't regret not being with me later down the line. She's very good at sending mixed messages and does just enough to make me think she might be interested. This boy was brave enough to put himself on the line and tell you how he feels. Make sure you are consistent and only act as a friend to him. Don't be flirty, don't run to him when you have a bad day, because my guess is he still really likes you and has just accepted the feelings aren't mutual.
ieatcrayonz Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Am I the only one that started hearing dueling banjos at this point in the thread? It depends on what kind of cousin. I once have a fling with my tied-for-fifth cousin Brenda. We had a pregnancy scare. We were worried like anyone else would be but not about the cousin part of it. I think anything 3rd cousin or past is ok, but tied for 5th is fine for sure.
ieatcrayonz Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 I'm pretty sure Trent Edwards has lots of friends that are women. That is how he does such a nice job picking out gloves.
inkman Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 I do believe that men and women can have relationships WITH an attraction towards each other and NOT act on it, given their maturity level, and having partners of their own that they love (among other things). But these relationships are almost always casual or professional (as in coworker). This reminds me. I have a buddy, that is married, who seemingly always has inappropriate relationships with the women we work with. Heavy flirting, touchy feely kinda stuff, of which he has been warned about, and general childish stuff that I wouldn't expect out of grown ass married people. I know his wife, and while she's not the hottest woman is just about the nicest person I've met. I've showed my disdain for this behavior in the past and even dropped some hints as to the scumbagery of his actions but he seems to not care in the least. I guess I'm just trying to understand his perspective. Is he trying to get laid or do these inappropriate relationships satiate some need of his?
The_Philster Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 I have MANY hot female friends. Some, given the opportunity, I might get involved with, others I wouldn't. In fact, I have turned down sex with several (a couple I wish I hadn't .) I think Dibs has it right when he says that most (not ALL) straight men don't seem to be capable of this. In my experience most men are dogs...but not all of them. As to your question, my suggestion is this: Be open and honest...but REALLY honest. And, if it gets uncomfortable, be BRUTALLY honest, if necessary. In my experience, most men are not very good at subtlety. Also, most women are not really straight forward. The interaction of women "trying to be nice" and men thinking that "nice" means "she digs me" is a brutal concoction. I agree. The sad thing is, a lot of guys think it's just not normal or natural to be friends with an attractive woman without ulterior motives. Those are the ones who are the least evolved, IMO. The responses from the men on this thread remind me of why I usually hang around with women. lol..no kidding Ya see, that's not the reason I prefer to hang with women. Most men are dopes and kitty hounds. I just can't tolerate hanging with a guy who is always trying to get laid...who thinks the waitress is flirting with him...who thinks a smile from a cute girl is a come-on, etc. I like hanging with interesting intelligent, thoughtful and stimulating people. Women seem to be able to do that better than dudes, in my experience. Honestly, I wonder if a part of that is because you're a guy. Guys usually talk with other guys about who they find hot and wanna bang..but they rarely say that same kind of stuff around female friends. I have to think that women are the same way sometimes...only talking about guys around female friends. At the same time, I don't think women are usually as crude or obvious about it for the most part. I have some friends who will see a hot female I'm friends with and not be very good at holding his tongue around me. exactly. It is tough to be friends with a beautiful women- and not try and bang her Evolve! I think that's it right there. A lot of guys can't control their hormones and think with their small head way too much. I don't find it that hard to admit that a female friend is smoking hot...but still be able to view her as just a friend. Whether it's simple evolution, maturity, or maybe just a case of not being used to having a lot of hot female friends
SABURZFAN Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 Well, if anyone cares, me & dude are still friends & he seems to understand that is all we'll ever be. so I guess it all worked out for the best. tell him that you're dating The_Philster. if we're lucky, dude will snap and go to Jamestown to look for him.
The_Philster Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 tell him that you're dating The_Philster. if we're lucky, dude will snap and go to Jamestown to look for him. typical...can't make a comment without taking a potshot at someone for no reason
SABURZFAN Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 typical...can't make a comment without taking a potshot at someone for no reason cry us a river........
Whites Bay Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 Well, if anyone cares, me & dude are still friends & he seems to understand that is all we'll ever be. so I guess it all worked out for the best. A million years ago, I had a wonderful female friend in college whom I'd always considered a FRIEND for YEARS. Period. It didn't stay that way, at least on my part - biology calls, and men answer. Things never went anywhere after I made a pass at her, and once we had our "meeting of the minds", we reverted to friends, and it stayed that way. It was, I'm proud to say, the single time I've been able to exert that level of self-control in an effort to preserve a beautiful relationship. I believe, however, that I'm an exception, either through good upbringing or cowardice. I never repeated the attempt, and things settled out. Until one night on mushrooms two years later in grad school. My point, young lady, is that it never stops. This guy had the hots for you, he has them now, and he'll have them in the future. A guy always carries the torch. Much of what you've read herein is fairly accurate. Keep the flirtation to a zero-minimum, watch the alcohol (or other mind-altering substance) intake, be cautious about putting yourself into not-so-accidentally-pleasantly intimate settings like walks on a beach, moonlight, close dancing. Because it never stops.
billsdiva007 Posted April 8, 2008 Author Posted April 8, 2008 I'm a boy, early 20's, and have a friend who I really like that just wants to be friends. From the view of a guy I have some female friends who are just friends because I'm not attracted to. Some female friends I am attracted to, but I don't like their personalities enough to ever seriously consider anything beyond fantasy, then there are the rest. I asked out my friend who I liked and she turned me down. So, you need to be very careful because being in his situation potentially, when she shows affection or interest in me it makes me think maybe she is reconsidering. Then I see her interested in someone else, mentally call myself an idiot and act moody around her because I blame her for something that isn't her fault. And I'm more thoughtful than the average guy. Basically it would appear that your friend likes you enough that he doesn't want to upset you even over his own desire to be with you. That is really dangerous, because that means that this guy might not only really like you, but really care about you too, but not in the ONLY way you want him to. One good way you could try to lessen some of the tension is...well talk to him about other girls, he must be at least interested in others. If not, he's crazy. If you truly have no attraction to him, then what do you care if he starts seeing other girls. If the thought of him spending most of/all of his time with other girls bugs you, then you're not being entirely honest with yourself and you're holding yourself back. The girl I like goes out of her way sometimes to put me down. Not so much to be mean, but more so because I think deep down she wants to make sure she doesn't like me and make sure she isn't making she won't regret not being with me later down the line. She's very good at sending mixed messages and does just enough to make me think she might be interested. This boy was brave enough to put himself on the line and tell you how he feels. Make sure you are consistent and only act as a friend to him. Don't be flirty, don't run to him when you have a bad day, because my guess is he still really likes you and has just accepted the feelings aren't mutual. Wow, you are really wise beyond your years young man & I appreciate your input! Don't put up with the girl you like putting you down either, dude where were you when I was my 20's?
billsdiva007 Posted April 8, 2008 Author Posted April 8, 2008 That's even worse. That means he's in love with you. No way, U really think so?
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