Johnny Coli Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 I see your point, but I think if you want to help her, the only way to do that is to tell her why she is no longer welcomed in your house when alone. Again, if your concern is strickly about not wanting her to pet sit anymore, then don't say a word. If you chose to help her for the long run, do so in a calm voice , not questioning your freindship,not questioning her, but just saying i cannot trust you alone anymore. She might start screaming, protesting her innocense etc. You must remain calm and tell her in calm voice we are still friends, just cannot trust you till you earn it. If you watch The Wire at all, very similiar to what Bubs sister did with him. Kept him in the basement for over a year till she was certain he was clean and sober. She knows, man. She's an alcoholic that was in the program. She knows exactly what she did, and confronting her isn't going to do a damn thing. Telling her she's not welcome and you don't trust her isn't going to stop her from drinking. Telling her she's not welcome and you don't trust her isn't going to make her want to get sober. You tell her roommate, someone who is in the program, and they try and get her sober and back into recovery. RtDB has given her chances, has been a friend, and she blew it. I know people like her. I have lived with people like her. I have lost trust in people like her. Confronting her isn't going to do anything. At some point you just have to get out of their way. I'm not saying RtDB should abandon her, I'm saying confronting her about what she knows she did isn't going to change anything, and it's not going to help her. She's an alcoholic. Don't ask her over to watch your place the next time you go away. She will know why. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plenzmd1 Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 She knows, man. She's an alcoholic that was in the program. She knows exactly what she did, and confronting her isn't going to do a damn thing. Telling her she's not welcome and you don't trust her isn't going to stop her from drinking. Telling her she's not welcome and you don't trust her isn't going to make her want to get sober. You tell her roommate, someone who is in the program, and they try and get her sober and back into recovery. RtDB has given her chances, has been a friend, and she blew it. I know people like her. I have lived with people like her. I have lost trust in people like her. Confronting her isn't going to do anything. At some point you just have to get out of their way. I'm not saying RtDB should abandon her, I'm saying confronting her about what she knows she did isn't going to change anything, and it's not going to help her. She's an alcoholic. Don't ask her over to watch your place the next time you go away. She will know why. Guess we both have had intimate knowledge of this. I have had two close people die from alcoholism, and a third now going through it. And i think we are saying the same thing here, just in slightly different ways. I agree a confrontation is not going to help. However, i am of the firm belief that this is still a friend and they are owed an explanantion. Johnny as you know, this problem can make people rationalize anything. If she went to rehab just to get people off her back, as most alcoholics do the first time, she may not yet think she has an issue. And she may never equate the fact that he no longer asks to pet sit with the fact she drank the booze and lost his trust. How can she know?? In our minds, that connection is easy, to a drunk maybe not so. Now, if it was an overt act out in the public that would be one thing, but she can never really be sure that me made the connection. After the first two, you tend to take a look back and question what you could have done to make a difference. Now granted these are family members and not friends, and that may make a difference. But i just felt that I never did enough on the first two. Never really helped them hit that rock bottom if that makes sence. Not that what i did would have made a difference, you just always wonder. So i think we are syaing the same thing, just get out of her way. I agree. I would just tell why I am getting out of her way and leave it at that I think in the end there is no right or wrong way, ya can only hope for the best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 I am sorry that this happened to you. There is lots of great advice in this thread. I think you are making the right call by speaking with her roommate and alerting her what happened. It is a sad story. I watch Intervention sometimes and that show is gut wrenching. You see these beautiful girls loaded with brains and talent- and just destroying themselves. Many people are their own worst enemies Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RuntheDamnBall Posted March 21, 2008 Author Share Posted March 21, 2008 Thanks, everyone. Think I'll close the thread because I think most of the good advice to give has been given, but I really do appreciate the thought on everyone's part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts