\GoBillsInDallas/ Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 http://timesunion.com/AspStories/story.asp?storyID=582552 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steely Dan Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 If I had a nickel for everytime I've had to fight off Grandma*, I'd be a millionaire. We've come to fisticuffs over the last turkey leg almost every thanksgiving. She may be 85 but she's spry man, she's got a killer left hook. At the home she's constantly knocking down the other residents and taking their lunch money. I can understand this completely. I'm sick of these fricking old bastards and their "Oh I'm so old don't hurt me." and then it's a hard kick to the nuts! I was almost run off the road by a gang of old ladies on Vincent Black Shadows. They tried to pop my tires with knitting needles being thrown on the road in front of my car. Thank God for run flats! I found out they were fixing the local Bingo game and using the money to fund illegal hemp quilting bees. My Grandma's Rascal has 200hp. She ran over the neighbors cat and couldn't stop laughing for an hour. Last year she was caught smuggling Viagra in through the border. Turns out she's been turning tricks on the side at the home. The nurses don't do anything about it either. It keeps the men calm. Then they offer you pie laced with roofies. Disgusting man, disgusting. The cops don't take you seriously when you complain they just laugh and look at you like your a wimp or that you started the whole thing. Man, let me tell you if they saw them flippin them off as they walked away I think they'd look at it a little differently. They shoplift and use the "I'm old I didn't know what I was doing!" defense. One old lady on the street told me her cat would claw my eyes out if I didn't hand over my wallet. That cat was mean looking too. She obviously had trained it to fight. Needless to say I'm one wallet lighter, man. Don't be fooled this old bag might have deserved it. We, as a society need to start taking this crap seriously. (Is it too soon to write something like this?) *The designation "Grandma" and "My Grandma" are just fictional characters not meant to degrade my Grandmother's who were saints. They were really sweet and I loved them dearly. So don't take it literally. It's merely a character used to further the humor. That is if you find humor in this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tennesseeboy Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 I had to whoop my grandma once when she refused to take her hat off for the national anthem. I felt bad, but she put up a good fight...and it was for a good cause. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steely Dan Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 I had to whoop my grandma once when she refused to take her hat off for the national anthem. I felt bad, but she put up a good fight...and it was for a good cause. Brother's in arms! We need more people like you! NO MORE THEATRICS DOWN WITH GERIATRICS!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dean Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 A thread about beating up grandmothers? That's my kind of thread!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fezmid Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 True story: A few years ago, someone broke into my grandmother's house (she lives in a (now) crappy part of Niagara Falls, but won't move since she's lived there for ~50 years). Anyway, she grabbed one of her large kitchen knives and cornered the scum in a room and then stabbed him with the knife! She's very lucky that all he did was push her out of the way and run. The cops caught the scumbag a few blocks away My grandmother was upset because the police had to keep the knife for about a year as evidence. Go grandma!!! (personally, I would throw the knife away, but hey). CW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dean Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 True story: A few years ago, someone broke into my grandmother's house (she lives in a (now) crappy part of Niagara Falls, but won't move since she's lived there for ~50 years). Anyway, she grabbed one of her large kitchen knives and cornered the scum in a room and then stabbed him with the knife! She's very lucky that all he did was push her out of the way and run. The cops caught the scumbag a few blocks away My grandmother was upset because the police had to keep the knife for about a year as evidence. Go grandma!!! (personally, I would throw the knife away, but hey). CW Awesome! Congrats to your granny. Clearly a feisty old broad. I LOVE she wanted her knife back. On a not-so-positive note, my Godmother ( a grandmother, herself) was murdered in her home in DeVaux a year, or so, ago. A guy she hired to cut her lawn ended up doing the dirty deed. The Falls...what has it become? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fezmid Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 Awesome! Congrats to your granny. Clearly a feisty old broad. I LOVE she wanted her knife back. On a not-so-positive note, my Godmother ( a grandmother, herself) was murdered in her home in DeVaux a year, or so, ago. A guy she hired to cut her lawn ended up doing the dirty deed. The Falls...what has it become? Thanks I can't wait to see her again at the end of May. That really sucks about your Godmother. I can't believe how crime-ridden the city is nowadays (and I was only 19 when I moved out of state in '94...). My parents live in the LaSalle area, and even that's getting a bit rundown. Sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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