Fan in San Diego Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. > > > > 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. > > > > 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. > > > > 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and > apes? > > > > 5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad > girls live. > > > > 6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help > section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. > > > > 7. What if there were no hypothetical questions? > > > > 8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? > > > > 9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it > considered a hostage situation? > > > > 10. Is there another word for synonym? > > > > 11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" > > > > 12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered > plant? > > > > 13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? > > > > 14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk? > > > > 15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will > clean them? > > > > 16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? > > > > 17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? > > > > 18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to start > speaking? > > > > 19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? > > > > 20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs? > > > > 21. What was the best thing before sliced bread? > > > > 22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. > > > > 23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? > > > > 24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? > > > > 25. How is it possible to have a civil war? > > > > 26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too? > > > > 27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? > > > > 28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? > > > > 29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it? > > > > 30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"? > > > > 31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? > > > > 32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? > > > > 33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become > disoriented? > > > > 34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God? > >
Buffan00 Posted April 18, 2007 Posted April 18, 2007 1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.> > > > 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. > > > > 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. > > > > 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and > apes? > > > > 5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad > girls live. > > > > 6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help > section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. > > > > 7. What if there were no hypothetical questions? > > > > 8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? > > > > 9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it > considered a hostage situation? > > > > 10. Is there another word for synonym? > > > > 11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" > > > > 12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered > plant? > > > > 13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? > > > > 14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk? > > > > 15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will > clean them? > > > > 16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? > > > > 17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? > > > > 18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to start > speaking? > > > > 19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? > > > > 20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs? > > > > 21. What was the best thing before sliced bread? > > > > 22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. > > > > 23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? > > > > 24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? > > > > 25. How is it possible to have a civil war? > > > > 26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too? > > > > 27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? > > > > 28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? > > > > 29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it? > > > > 30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"? > > > > 31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? > > > > 32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? > > > > 33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become > disoriented? > > > > 34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God? > > Funny..i like em
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