ieatcrayonz Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 http://thegoodreverend.blogspot.com/2005/07/cat-killing.html Cat Killing? By now I'm sure you're familiar with the age-old adage, "Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten." When my doctor said this to me the other day, it made me think: can the statement really be true? Although the idiom implies a causal link, let's take it at face value and assume that it is merely observing a correlation between the kitten mortality rate and the masturbation rate. Does such a correlation exist? Approximately 70,000 dogs and cats are born in the U.S. each day, or 25,567,500 each year. Of these, roughly 54%, or 13,806,450, are cats. Since 34.5% of cats don't live to see their first birthday, we can assume that about 4,763,225 kittens die each year in the United States alone. We'll take for granted that God in His divine Wisdom purposely smote each of these kittens. Let's assume that the idiom is talking only about male masturbation. Let's further assume, highly conservatively, that males do not start masturbating until they reach age 15. Of the total U.S. male population, 107,199,356 would then be masturbation-age males. Again, let's conservatively estimate that teenagers masturbate no more frequently than adults, and that all men masturbate an average of 20 times each month or 240 times per year. This means that each man in the United States masturbates approximately every 1.5 days. It also means that there are approximately 25,727,845,440 male masturbation sessions in the United States each year. There are nearly 26 billion male masturbation sessions in the U.S., yet there are fewer than five million kitten deaths annually. Far from a one-to-one correlation, there are 5401.5 masturbation sessions for every single kitten death. This means that the average American man can masturbate regularly for 22.5 years before he is responsible for the death of a single kitten. Indeed, with a life expectancy of less than 75 years, the average man will be responsible for only two or three kitten deaths in a lifetime of vigorous masturbation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buffan00 Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 http://thegoodreverend.blogspot.com/2005/07/cat-killing.html Cat Killing? By now I'm sure you're familiar with the age-old adage, "Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten." When my doctor said this to me the other day, it made me think: can the statement really be true? Although the idiom implies a causal link, let's take it at face value and assume that it is merely observing a correlation between the kitten mortality rate and the masturbation rate. Does such a correlation exist? Approximately 70,000 dogs and cats are born in the U.S. each day, or 25,567,500 each year. Of these, roughly 54%, or 13,806,450, are cats. Since 34.5% of cats don't live to see their first birthday, we can assume that about 4,763,225 kittens die each year in the United States alone. We'll take for granted that God in His divine Wisdom purposely smote each of these kittens. Let's assume that the idiom is talking only about male masturbation. Let's further assume, highly conservatively, that males do not start masturbating until they reach age 15. Of the total U.S. male population, 107,199,356 would then be masturbation-age males. Again, let's conservatively estimate that teenagers masturbate no more frequently than adults, and that all men masturbate an average of 20 times each month or 240 times per year. This means that each man in the United States masturbates approximately every 1.5 days. It also means that there are approximately 25,727,845,440 male masturbation sessions in the United States each year. There are nearly 26 billion male masturbation sessions in the U.S., yet there are fewer than five million kitten deaths annually. Far from a one-to-one correlation, there are 5401.5 masturbation sessions for every single kitten death. This means that the average American man can masturbate regularly for 22.5 years before he is responsible for the death of a single kitten. Indeed, with a life expectancy of less than 75 years, the average man will be responsible for only two or three kitten deaths in a lifetime of vigorous masturbation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 it appears that someone is not taking into account that cats have 9 lives...not sure how that math plays out...but I bet it gets closer....and "...means that each man in the United States masturbates approximately every 1.5 days............" Puh-leeze....... http://thegoodreverend.blogspot.com/2005/07/cat-killing.html Cat Killing? By now I'm sure you're familiar with the age-old adage, "Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten." When my doctor said this to me the other day, it made me think: can the statement really be true? Although the idiom implies a causal link, let's take it at face value and assume that it is merely observing a correlation between the kitten mortality rate and the masturbation rate. Does such a correlation exist? Approximately 70,000 dogs and cats are born in the U.S. each day, or 25,567,500 each year. Of these, roughly 54%, or 13,806,450, are cats. Since 34.5% of cats don't live to see their first birthday, we can assume that about 4,763,225 kittens die each year in the United States alone. We'll take for granted that God in His divine Wisdom purposely smote each of these kittens. Let's assume that the idiom is talking only about male masturbation. Let's further assume, highly conservatively, that males do not start masturbating until they reach age 15. Of the total U.S. male population, 107,199,356 would then be masturbation-age males. Again, let's conservatively estimate that teenagers masturbate no more frequently than adults, and that all men masturbate an average of 20 times each month or 240 times per year. This means that each man in the United States masturbates approximately every 1.5 days. It also means that there are approximately 25,727,845,440 male masturbation sessions in the United States each year. There are nearly 26 billion male masturbation sessions in the U.S., yet there are fewer than five million kitten deaths annually. Far from a one-to-one correlation, there are 5401.5 masturbation sessions for every single kitten death. This means that the average American man can masturbate regularly for 22.5 years before he is responsible for the death of a single kitten. Indeed, with a life expectancy of less than 75 years, the average man will be responsible for only two or three kitten deaths in a lifetime of vigorous masturbation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelly the Dog Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 The numbers are probably correct because it's actually, "every time a Christian masturbates, God kills a kitten." And they should actually feel lucky that He didn't kill them for committing such a heinous sin. He doesn't care about heathens, as they are no longer His children. Unless, of course, in jail or on their deathbed, they see the light. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sketch Soland Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 One dead kitten is worth all the masturbation, imo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cugalabanza Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 kittens masturbating god Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sketch Soland Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 kittens masturbating god :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dib Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Do you need glasses? Are your palms hairy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
X. Benedict Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Stop messing around with anal folks, that's why we see so few ferrets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwight Drane Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Stop messing around with anal folks, that's why we see so few ferrets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tennesseeboy Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 I think you have it backwards...whenever God kills a kitten...we masturbate... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mead107 Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 ONE TIME a day keeps the doctor away Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
generaLee83 Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 http://thegoodreverend.blogspot.com/2005/07/cat-killing.html Cat Killing? By now I'm sure you're familiar with the age-old adage, "Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten." When my doctor said this to me the other day, it made me think: can the statement really be true? Although the idiom implies a causal link, let's take it at face value and assume that it is merely observing a correlation between the kitten mortality rate and the masturbation rate. Does such a correlation exist? Approximately 70,000 dogs and cats are born in the U.S. each day, or 25,567,500 each year. Of these, roughly 54%, or 13,806,450, are cats. Since 34.5% of cats don't live to see their first birthday, we can assume that about 4,763,225 kittens die each year in the United States alone. We'll take for granted that God in His divine Wisdom purposely smote each of these kittens. Let's assume that the idiom is talking only about male masturbation. Let's further assume, highly conservatively, that males do not start masturbating until they reach age 15. Of the total U.S. male population, 107,199,356 would then be masturbation-age males. Again, let's conservatively estimate that teenagers masturbate no more frequently than adults, and that all men masturbate an average of 20 times each month or 240 times per year. This means that each man in the United States masturbates approximately every 1.5 days. It also means that there are approximately 25,727,845,440 male masturbation sessions in the United States each year. There are nearly 26 billion male masturbation sessions in the U.S., yet there are fewer than five million kitten deaths annually. Far from a one-to-one correlation, there are 5401.5 masturbation sessions for every single kitten death. This means that the average American man can masturbate regularly for 22.5 years before he is responsible for the death of a single kitten. Indeed, with a life expectancy of less than 75 years, the average man will be responsible for only two or three kitten deaths in a lifetime of vigorous masturbation. Definitely just got me in the mood to wack my 'tomater Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
generaLee83 Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 kittens masturbating god effing quote of the year right there gringo!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
X. Benedict Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 effing quote of the year right there gringo!!!! Bob Barker has his way, and he has his. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuckincincy Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 god Why? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cornerville Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 kittens masturbating god people that have nothing to backup their hatred for God Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
X. Benedict Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 people that have nothing to backup their hatred for God What God you talking about, the false god of auto-erotic felinocide? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sketch Soland Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 people that have nothing to backup their hatred for God As opposed to what you have to "backup" your belief in God? silly wabbit! you phrased your post poorly! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
X. Benedict Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 As opposed to what you have to "backup" your belief in God? silly wabbit! you phrased your post poorly! are you shaking your fist at an empty hole in the sky again? Temper your rage man, temper your rage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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