Late Monday Early Tuesday Joke of the day

[Fan in San Diego]

Do-It-Yourself Country-Western Song

 

 

I met her __________ _____; I can still recall _________

(1) (2) (3)

 

1. 2. 3.

on the highway in September that purple dress

in Sheboygan at McDonald's that little hat

outside Fresno ridin' shotgun that burlap bra

at a truck stop wrestlin' gators those training pants

on probation all hunched over the stolen goods

in a jail cell poppin' uppers that plastic nose

in a nightmare sort of pregnant the Stassin pin

incognito with joggers the neon sign

in the Stone Age stoned on oatmeal that creepy smile

in a treehouse with Merv Griffin the hearing aid

in a gay bar dead all over the boxer shorts

 

 

she wore; She was ______ _____,

(4) (5)

 

4. 5

sobbin' at the toll booth in the twilight

drinkin' Dr. Pepper but I loved her

weighted down with Twinkies by the off-ramp

breakin' out with acne near Poughkeepsie

crawlin' through the prairie with her cobra

smellin' kind of funny when she shot me

crashin' through the guardrail on her elbows

chewin' on a hangnail with Led-Zeppelin

talkin' in Swahili with Miss Piggy

drownin' in the quicksand with a wetback

slurpin' up linguini in her muu-muu

 

 

and I knew _______; _______ I'd ______ forever;

(6) (7) (8)

 

6. 7. 8.

no guy would ever love her more I promised her stay with her

that she would be an easy score I knew deep down warp her mind

she'd bought her dentures in a store She asked me if swear off booze

that she would be a crashing bore I told her shrink change my sex

I'd never rate her more than "4" The judge declared punch her out

they'd hate her guts in Baltimore My Pooh Bear said live off her

it was a raven, nothing more I shrieked in pain have my rash

we really lost the last World War The painters knew stay a dwarf

I'd have to scrape her off the floor A Klingon said hate her dog

what strong deodorants were for My hamster thought pick my nose

that she was rotten to the core The blood test showed play "Go Fish"

that I would upchuck on the floor Her rabbi said salivate

 

 

She said to me ____; But who'd have thought she'd _____

(9) (10)

 

9. 10.

our love would never die run off

there was no other guy wind up

man wasn't meant to fly boogie

that Nixon didn't lie yodel

her basset hound was shy sky dive

that Rolaids made her high turn green

she'd have a swiss on rye freak out

she loved my one blue eye blast off

her brother's name was Hy make it

she liked "Spy vs. Spy" black out

that birthdays made her cry bobsled

she couldn't stand my tie grovel

 

___________; _________ goodbye.

(11) (12)

 

11. 12.

with my best friend You'd think at least that she'd have said

in my Edsel I never had the chance to say

on a surfboard She told her fat friend Grace to say

on "The Gong Show" I now can kiss my credit cards

with her dentist I guess I was too smashed to say

on her "Workmate" I watched her melt away and sobbed

with a robot She fell beneath the wheels and cried

with no clothes on She sent a hired thug to say

at her health club She freaked out on the lawn and screamed

in her Maytag I pushed her off the bridge and waved

with her guru But that's the way that pygmies say

while in labor She sealed me in the vault and smirked