BUFFALOTONE Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem . While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land , for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?" The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance. The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded."Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any." The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £50. Go and buy yourself some underwear." Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies."Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?" She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me." He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!" Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. "Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?" She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any." The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb..... Tidy yerself up a bit. FLAT TUMMY A little boy walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen, she dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks "What were you and dad doing? " The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it." You're wasting your time." says the boy. Why is that? asked his mom, puzzled "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fan in San Diego Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Funny ! Got a chuckle ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheeseburger_in_paradise Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 How are a nine volt battery and a woman's !@#$ alike? Because even though you know it's wrong...sooner or later, your toung finds its way onto one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Movinon Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned Bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest. The bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, jostled the snake a bit. "Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact,since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am." "It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you and figure out What you are, so at least you'll have that going for you." "Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're Covered with soft fur, you have really long ears, your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit." "Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny then suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all Over with my paw and help you the same way you've helped me." So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're Smooth and slippery, you have a forked tongue, no apparent backbone, and no balls. I'd say you must be French." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BUFFALOTONE Posted March 21, 2007 Author Share Posted March 21, 2007 Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned Bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest. The bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, jostled the snake a bit. "Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact,since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am." "It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you and figure out What you are, so at least you'll have that going for you." "Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're Covered with soft fur, you have really long ears, your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit." "Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny then suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all Over with my paw and help you the same way you've helped me." So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're Smooth and slippery, you have a forked tongue, no apparent backbone, and no balls. I'd say you must be French." Very Nice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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