Fan in San Diego Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Steven Wright on dogs The other day, I was walking my dog around my building...on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. I had a dog once. I spilled spot remover on him, and now he's gone. I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. He's an East German Shepherd Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mead107 Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duey Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Wuff...tough crowd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChevyVanMiller Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Steven Wright's stuff is only funny when Steven Wright does it. Without his deadpan monotone it comes off really plain on the written page. Same goes for Bill Engval's "Here's your sign" bits. Here's a joke that's good spoken or written: A newly married couple falls on hard financial times and the husband spends hours trying to balance their budget. Finally, he calls in his bride and breaks the bad news to her that the only way they'll be able to make ends meet until he lands a job is if she turns some tricks. Being a dutiful woman, the man's (very good looking) wife agrees. That night, the husband tricks out his wife and pulls up to a seedy street corner on the wrong side of town. "Now remember," he tells his wife. "I'll be here in the car just around the corner if you have any problems." The wife goes and stands on the corner and within seconds a car pulls over. "Want a date?" she asks the driver. "How much for straight sex?" he inquires. "I'll be right back," she tells the man and totters around the corner on her 6-inch heels back to her husband's car. "He wants to know how much for straight sex." "Tell him $100.00," replies her husband. Making her way back to the man she gives him the price, but he says he doesn't have that much. "How much for oral?" he asks. "I'll be right back," she tells the man and again makes her way back to her husband's car. "He wants to know how much for oral." "Tell him $40.00," says her hubby. She goes back and tells the man, who quickly agrees. She gets in his car and they pull over into a parking spot and the man takes down his pants to expose the biggest example of manhood the woman has ever seen. "I'll be right back," she says to the befuddled man and makes her way back to her husband. "Now what?" her husband asks. "Sweetie, can we loan this guy $60.00?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fan in San Diego Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 Steven Wright's stuff is only funny when Steven Wright does it. Without his deadpan monotone it comes off really plain on the written page. Same goes for Bill Engval's "Here's your sign" bits. Here's a joke that's good spoken or written: A newly married couple falls on hard financial times and the husband spends hours trying to balance their budget. Finally, he calls in his bride and breaks the bad news to her that the only way they'll be able to make ends meet until he lands a job is if she turns some tricks. Being a dutiful woman, the man's (very good looking) wife agrees. That night, the husband tricks out his wife and pulls up to a seedy street corner on the wrong side of town. "Now remember," he tells his wife. "I'll be here in the car just around the corner if you have any problems." The wife goes and stands on the corner and within seconds a car pulls over. "Want a date?" she asks the driver. "How much for straight sex?" he inquires. "I'll be right back," she tells the man and totters around the corner on her 6-inch heels back to her husbands car. "He wants to know how much for straight sex." "Tell him $100.00," replies her husband. Making her way back to the man she gives him the price, but he says he doesn't have that much. "How much for oral?" he asks. "I'll be right back," she tells the man and again makes her waytotters around the corner back to her husbands car. "He wants to know how much for oral." "Tell him $40.00," says her hubby. She goes back and tells the man, who quickly agrees. She gets in his car and they pull over into a parking spot and the man takes down his pants to expose the biggest example of manhood the woman had ever seen. "I'll be right back," she says to the befuddled man and makes her way back to her husband. "Now what?" he husband asks. "Sweetie, can we loan this guy $60.00?" Funny stuff ! Got a chuckle from me ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BUFFALOTONE Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Steven Wright's stuff is only funny when Steven Wright does it. Without his deadpan monotone it comes off really plain on the written page. Same goes for Bill Engval's "Here's your sign" bits. Here's a joke that's good spoken or written: A newly married couple falls on hard financial times and the husband spends hours trying to balance their budget. Finally, he calls in his bride and breaks the bad news to her that the only way they'll be able to make ends meet until he lands a job is if she turns some tricks. Being a dutiful woman, the man's (very good looking) wife agrees. That night, the husband tricks out his wife and pulls up to a seedy street corner on the wrong side of town. "Now remember," he tells his wife. "I'll be here in the car just around the corner if you have any problems." The wife goes and stands on the corner and within seconds a car pulls over. "Want a date?" she asks the driver. "How much for straight sex?" he inquires. "I'll be right back," she tells the man and totters around the corner on her 6-inch heels back to her husbands car. "He wants to know how much for straight sex." "Tell him $100.00," replies her husband. Making her way back to the man she gives him the price, but he says he doesn't have that much. "How much for oral?" he asks. "I'll be right back," she tells the man and again makes her waytotters around the corner back to her husbands car. "He wants to know how much for oral." "Tell him $40.00," says her hubby. She goes back and tells the man, who quickly agrees. She gets in his car and they pull over into a parking spot and the man takes down his pants to expose the biggest example of manhood the woman had ever seen. "I'll be right back," she says to the befuddled man and makes her way back to her husband. "Now what?" he husband asks. "Sweetie, can we loan this guy $60.00?" Nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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