Fan in San Diego Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him. To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree." With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay. The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BUFFALOTONE Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 OK San Diego. I like the joke of the day premise but you have to come up with some racier stuff than this. I mean whats next knock-knock jokes. C'mon man your better than that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayFinkle Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 I'll try to help a brother out: A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery." The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?" "Just rub toilet paper between them." Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?" "I don't know, but it worked for your ass." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Movinon Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 As part of his parole agreement, Mike Tyson has to go back to school and finish grade 5. This is Mike's homework assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence. 1. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody. 2. Dictate - My girlfriend say my dictate good. 3. Catacomb - I saw Don King at da fights the other night. Man, somebody get that catacomb. 4. Foreclose - If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose. 5. Rectum - I had two Cadillacs, but my B word rectum both. 6. Disappointment - My parole officer tol' me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint. 7. Penis - I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said penis. 8. Israel - Tito try to sell me a rolex. I say, "Man, it look fake." He say, "Bull*&^*, that watch Israel." 9. Undermine - There's a fine lookin' ho in the apartment undermine. 10. Acoustic - When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to the pool hall. 11. Iraq - When we got the poolhall, I tol' my uncle, "Iraq, you break." 12. Stain - My mother-in-law stopped by and I axed her, "Do you plan on stain for dinner?" 13. Fortify - I axed this ho on da street, "how much?" she say, "fortify". 14. Income - I just got in bed wif a ho and income my wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayFinkle Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!" The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!" The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first". Dude, you need to come up with some new ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary M Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!" The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first". ROTFLMAO I never heard that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HopsGuy Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 ROTFLMAO I never heard that one. Oh, you gotta be kidding me! I heard a guy tell that in a comedy club in Minneapolis in '95. He said, "My grandfather told me this one..." Gary, you need to get out of Hornell more often. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fan in San Diego Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 OK San Diego. I like the joke of the day premise but you have to come up with some racier stuff than this. I mean whats next knock-knock jokes. C'mon man your better than that. Ok, I'll step it up ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BUFFALOTONE Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Ok, I'll step it up ! Thats all I ask my friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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