The Poojer Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 THE 6 BEST SMART ASS ANSWERS OF 2006 SMART ASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied. SMART ASS ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub." SMART ASS ANSWER #4 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.? She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"? The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." SMART ASS ANSWER #3 The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."? When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. SMART ASS ANSWER #2 A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas." SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006 A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.? I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bills_fan Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 Thats friggin funny!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buffan00 Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 THE 6 BEST SMART ASS ANSWERS OF 2006 SMART ASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied. SMART ASS ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub." SMART ASS ANSWER #4 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.? She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"? The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." SMART ASS ANSWER #3 The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."? When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. SMART ASS ANSWER #2 A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas." SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006 A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.? I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand." 867720[/snapback] pretty good! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tennesseeboy Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 I ran for political office many years ago and the Republican party bigwig had one of his rather dimwitted flunkies file an unfairlcampaign practice charge against me. I appeared before the board and the flunky came in represented by the Republican bigwig (a lawyer). He said..."I'm here representing "flunky" and I note that mr. tennesseeboy is representing himself. I hope he is aware of Abraham Lincoln's adage that a man who represents himself has a fool for a client." I responded.."I'm aware of the adage, Mr. Republican. I just wanted to make sure we started out even." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erynthered Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 I ran for political office many years ago and the Republican party bigwig had one of his rather dimwitted flunkies file an unfairlcampaign practice charge against me. I appeared before the board and the flunky came in represented by the Republican bigwig (a lawyer). He said..."I'm here representing "flunky" and I note that mr. tennesseeboy is representing himself. I hope he is aware of Abraham Lincoln's adage that a man who represents himself has a fool for a client." I responded.."I'm aware of the adage, Mr. Republican. I just wanted to make sure we started out even." 867742[/snapback] Then you proceded to get your Flunky ass beat in the election. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tennesseeboy Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 Then you proceded to get your Flunky ass beat in the election. 867748[/snapback] I always figure if you're going to criticize the bullfighter you better not be afraid to get into the ring. And you ran for office, when? Bullfight critics rank in rows, And crowd the large arena full But in the crowd there's one who knows, And that's the man who fights the bull. Kinda like combat, eryn...if you ain't played the game, don't be makin the rules. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
USMCBillsFan Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 The following 15 Police Comments were taken off of actual police car videos around the country. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- #15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile." #14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." #13 "If you run you'll only go to jail tired." #12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun." #11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?" #10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor; but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?" #9 "Warning? You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." #8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?" #7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey DOO." #6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." #5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC." #4 "Just how big were those two beers?" #3 "No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want." #2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail." And......... THE VERY BEST ONE !!!!!!! #1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here." OUCH! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guffalo Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 #6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." 867789[/snapback] Classic!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EndZoneCrew Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 The following 15 Police Comments were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- #11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?" #4 "Just how big were those two beers?" 867789[/snapback] I love these 2!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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