/dev/null Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 What's the square root of 69? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8 something
IDBillzFan Posted November 14, 2006 Posted November 14, 2006 There's nothing like a good joke. And that was nothing like a good joke.
UConn James Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 A man sold a religious horse. He explained to the buyer that since it was a religious horse, you had to say "Amen" to make the horse stop and say "Praise the Lord" to make the horse go. The buyer got on the horse and said "Praise the Lord" and the horse started trotting. "Praise the Lord" he said again and the horse began galloping. "Praise the Lord" a third time and the horse ran even faster. Suddenly, just up ahead was a cliff — "Whoa! Stop!" The rider yelled, but the horse kept running. "Amen!" he finally remembered. The horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff. The buyer took off his hat, wiped his brow, and said, "Praise the Lord!"
UConn James Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 An attorney got home late one evening, after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, James Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he got through the door at home, his wife started on him about, "What time of night do you call this? Where have you been?" and on and on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whisky and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks. While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, Mr. Wright, had been granted his stay of execution after all. Finally realizing what a day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs to give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband's rear end as he was bent over naked drying his legs and feet. "They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said. He whirled around and screamed, "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!!?"
JimBob2232 Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? A: Mace will do that to you.
WWVaBeach Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 Q: Why does the bride wear white? A: The dishwasher needs to match the stove and fridge.
tennesseeboy Posted November 15, 2006 Posted November 15, 2006 What do the dolphin cheerleaders put behind their ears to attract men? Their ankles!
TheMadCap Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 Q: Why does the bride wear white?A: The dishwasher needs to match the stove and fridge. 838086[/snapback]
tennesseeboy Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you, but you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got 3 people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves. George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil opened the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. He kept resurfacing over and over and over, gasping for air. Such was his fate in hell. No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time, and more rocks appeared. No! I've got this problem with my shoulder would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George. The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." "The devil smiled and said... "Monica, you're free to go!
stuckincincy Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 Superman was flying over the city and looked down and saw Wonder Woman naked and writhing with legs apart, atop a tall building. Seeing his chance, he dropped his drawers, swooped down and when he planted his Rod of Steel, and there was an ungodly yelp and he was tossed aside. He got up and said to Wonder Woman, "What was THAT???". She gave him a dirty look and replied. "THAT was the Invisible Man !".
Movinon Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 A hillbilly was stopped by a game warden in Kentucky recently with two ice chests of fish. He was leaving a cove well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" "Naw, sir, I ain't got none of them there licenses, no. You must understand these here are my pet fish." "Pet fish?" said the game warden. "Ya. Every night I take these here fish down to da lake and let them swim 'round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump rat back into this here ice chest and I take them home." "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" says the warden The hillbilly looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's the truth Mr.Government man, I'll show you. It really works." "Okay," said the game warden, " I've GOT to see this!" The hillbilly poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?" "Well, what?" said the hillbilly. The warden said, "When are you going to call them back?" The hillbilly said, "Call who back?" "The FISH!" replied the warden. "What fish?" answered the hillbilly. We in Kentucky may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we aren't as dumb as most government employees
C.Biscuit97 Posted November 16, 2006 Posted November 16, 2006 What's the difference between a refrigerator and Tom Brady? A refrigerator doesn't fart when you take the meat out. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
/dev/null Posted November 17, 2006 Author Posted November 17, 2006 George Bush has a heart attack and dies. ... "The devil smiled and said... "Monica, you're free to go! 838705[/snapback] I got another GW joke for ya. Its kind of out of date, but you'll get the point... Man walks into a bar and orders a drink. He looks around and to his surprise he sees Bush watching TV and Rumsfeld looking over some documents. Surprised, the man asks the bartender if that is who he thinks it is. The bartender informs him it is. The man gets up and walks over to Bush and says what an honor it is to meet the President of the United States. The President thanks him and they make idle conversation for awhile. Eventually the man asks the President what they're doing there. Bush replies, "See here now, we're planning our strategery in the War on Terror. Rummy has a great idea, we're gonna kill 10 million Muslims and a blonde with big breasts" Surprised, the man asks "Why kill a blonde with big breasts?" Rumsfeld looks up from his papers to the President and remarks "See, I told you nobody would care about 10 million Muslims"
ricojes Posted November 17, 2006 Posted November 17, 2006 What's the square root of 69?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8 something 837087[/snapback] Actually it's "ate something".... Now tell the funny one your heard...
Nanker Posted November 18, 2006 Posted November 18, 2006 JP's going into the Pro Football Hall of Fame.
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