bills_fan Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 DEMOCRATIC You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you. REPUBLICAN You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So? SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. COMMUNIST You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour. CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain. AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up. FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good. JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school. GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year. ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good. RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have. TALIBAN CORPORATION You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons. IRAQI CORPORATION You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing. POLISH CORPORATION You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them. BELGIAN CORPORATION You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy. FLORIDA CORPORATION You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow. CALIFORNIA CORPORATION You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegals. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungee Jumper Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 DEMOCRATIC You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you. REPUBLICAN You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So? SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. COMMUNIST You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour. CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain. AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up. FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good. JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school. GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year. ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good. RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have. TALIBAN CORPORATION You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons. IRAQI CORPORATION You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing. POLISH CORPORATION You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them. BELGIAN CORPORATION You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy. FLORIDA CORPORATION You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow. CALIFORNIA CORPORATION You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegals. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders 835311[/snapback] NEW YORK CORPORATION: You have a cow. Her husband used to be president... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bills_fan Posted November 13, 2006 Author Share Posted November 13, 2006 NEW YORK CORPORATION:You have a cow. Her husband used to be president... 835329[/snapback] Nice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ieatcrayonz Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 TBD Corporation: You have two Cows You milk them and they produce milk You kill them because it is not Capri Sun You are forced to buy more Capri Sun and Paper Towels Your thread gets deleted You still miss Sammy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungee Jumper Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 PPP: You have two cows. You never shut up about how their better than the other guys two cows. Neither one of you realizes they're the same !@#$ing cows. Alaska Darin: You have two lemmings... DC Tom: You have two cows. They're !@#$ing idiots. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ofiba Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 This thread has 1 cow. It is very long and boring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungee Jumper Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 ofiba: He has two cows. He wishes it were a duck... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chilly Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 Actually, Tom, this would be you (outside of this forum): Has two cows. Realizing that everyone else also has two cows, he sells his cows in order to invent a better way to collect and distribute milk. This he sells to the other people for a cow, and there by has more cows and better production then anyone else while getting to satisfy his natural craving for problems to solve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ieatcrayonz Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 Actually, Tom, this would be you (outside of this forum): Has two cows. Realizing that everyone else also has two cows, he sells his cows in order to invent a better way to collect and distribute milk. This he sells to the other people for a cow, and there by has more cows and better production then anyone else while getting to satisfy his natural craving for problems to solve. 835632[/snapback] The brown nosing thread is fourteen threads down. Good job though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungee Jumper Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 Actually, Tom, this would be you (outside of this forum): Has two cows. Realizing that everyone else also has two cows, he sells his cows in order to invent a better way to collect and distribute milk. This he sells to the other people for a cow, and there by has more cows and better production then anyone else while getting to satisfy his natural craving for problems to solve. 835632[/snapback] Outside this forum..I own cats. Holcomb's Arm: Owns three bulls. Claims 1.5 of them is error, since on average half of all cattle are cows. Insists he knows more about milking bulls than dairy farmers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chilly Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 The brown nosing thread is fourteen threads down. Good job though. 835642[/snapback] Outside this forum..I own cats.Holcomb's Arm: Owns three bulls. Claims 1.5 of them is error, since on average half of all cattle are bulls. Insists he knows more about milking bulls than dairy farmers. 835646[/snapback] Cats suck! The "true value" of any one cow is .5 since only half of them make milk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EC-Bills Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 Outside this forum..I own cats.Holcomb's Arm: Owns three bulls. Claims 1.5 of them is error, since on average half of all cattle are cows. Insists he knows more about milking bulls than dairy farmers. 835646[/snapback] Reminds me of the movie Kingpin Roy: Hey, I hope you don't mind, I got up a little early, so I took the liberty of milking your cow for you. Yeah, it took a little while to get her warmed up, she sure is a stubborn one, whew. [Takes a drink from the bucket] Mr. Boorg: We don't have a cow. We have a bull. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EC-Bills Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 Cats suck! 835658[/snapback] 7 trained attack cats at this house now have your name and address. Good luck... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chilly Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 That kingpin quote still makes me cringe, yet laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EC-Bills Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 That kingpin quote still makes me cringe, yet laugh. 835688[/snapback] Yeah, I remember seeing it in the theater, not a good movie for a first date. I have no clue about the Farelly brothers at that time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ieatcrayonz Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 Yeah, I remember seeing it in the theater, not a good movie for a first date. I have no clue about the Farley brothers at that time... 835701[/snapback] Now that Chris is dead, is the other one still putting out movies? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EC-Bills Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 Now that Chris is dead, is the other one still putting out movies? 835718[/snapback] Yes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ieatcrayonz Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 Yes 835729[/snapback] Cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orton's Arm Posted November 15, 2006 Share Posted November 15, 2006 Outside this forum..I own cats.Holcomb's Arm: Owns three bulls. Claims 1.5 of them is error, since on average half of all cattle are cows. Insists he knows more about milking bulls than dairy farmers. 835646[/snapback] Bungee Jumper: Owns three sheep, and three cattle. Claims that over the course of several generations, the sheep and cattle will regress toward a common average size. Insists he knows more about breeding sheep and cattle than shepherds or ranchers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
/dev/null Posted November 15, 2006 Share Posted November 15, 2006 TSW Owns a goat and 5 ducks. Thinks that if you put the goat behind the 5 ducks and throw them to the wolves enough times the goat will turn into a bull Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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