SUW: Ramius's Rumblings and Randomness

[Ramius]

Ok, so its been a while since anyone made an SUW, so here goes: Feel free to comment my randomness and ramblings, add in some of your own, or add me to your ignore list. If theres enough of a response, maybe I’ll do this weekly.

 

1. Really smart people: I was recently in Chicago at a conference. A few of us were in the lobby one evening waiting to meet some people for dinner. As we waited, we started watching people going through the front revolving door. This was one of the big 2 compartment revolving doors with the automated door that stops if you get too close. We noticed a trend. Instead of waiting the 2 seconds it took for the other compartment to open up, most people would try and squeeze in the first compartment at the very last second when it was about to close, thereby tripping the sensor and causing the entire door to stop for 5-10 seconds, and trapping them inside. Yes people, sometimes it pays to be patient.

 

2. Airports: I only fly a few times per year, mostly at Christmas and over the summer to go home, and when I have an occasional work conference. In the past few years tho, I feel like I have missed out on some great new discovery. Apparently, when they start boarding, even if they haven’t called your specific zone to board yet, the thing to do is stand and crowd in front of the jetway. Obviously this MUST speed up the boarding process. Otherwise why would everyone do it? The only logical conclusion I can come up with is that everyone gets on the plane faster when they all crowd in front of the jetway.

 

3. Wal-Mart: As anyone who frequents a wal-mart knows, especially a super wal-mart (the kind with the grocery store inside) rednecks and hicks love it. The wal-mart super center is always populated with large numbers of rednecks, thus causing long lines at the checkouts. (Why wal-mart has 20 registers, but never more than 5 open at a given time is another quandary for another day). I have learned one VITAL fact when shopping to shave your wait time:

 

Use the self-checkout. Rednecks are deathly afraid of the self checkout. Perhaps there are too many lights, too many buttons to push, or maybe its too tough to scan your own items. Whatever the reason, rednecks avoid the self checkout like the plague. I’ll watch someone with 2 items wait for 30 minutes in a cashier line while theres NO ONE at the 4 self-checkout stations. Works for me. Then on my way out the door, I get looked at as some type of diety, because I understand the workings and magic of the mystical “self-checkout”.

 

OT: at wal-mart yesterday, I saw this 30 something woman pushing a baby with the most enormous cans I have ever seen. Had to be F’s or FF’s They were literally basketball size. I don’t think the baby could see mommy’s face from the cart, they were that big.

[smokinandjokin]

If it's a penny for your thoughts, then why do I have to put my two cents in?

[Ramius]

If it's a penny for your thoughts, then why do I have to put my two cents in?

816553[/snapback]

 

If you paid a penny for MY thoughts, you got screwed.

[IDBillzFan]

2. Airports: I only fly a few times per year, mostly at Christmas and over the summer to go home, and when I have an occasional work conference. In the past few years tho, I feel like I have missed out on some great new discovery. Apparently, when they start boarding, even if they haven’t called your specific zone to board yet, the thing to do is stand and crowd in front of the jetway. Obviously this MUST speed up the boarding process. Otherwise why would everyone do it? The only logical conclusion I can come up with is that everyone gets on the plane faster when they all crowd in front of the jetway.

816552[/snapback]

Up until a couple of years ago, I spent eight years on a plane heading somewhere at least every other week. The one thing that has always amazed me is how the simple task of walking onto a plane, finding your seat, putting your bag overhead, sitting down and buckling up becomes the most excruciatingly painful thing for people to do. They will stand in the aisle and rifle through their bags so they have their drink, their reading material, their snack, their laptop, etc, as if they won't be able to stand up once the plane is in the air.

[Cugalabanza]

Up until a couple of years ago, I spent eight years on a plane heading somewhere at least every other week. The one thing that has always amazed me is how the simple task of walking onto a plane, finding your seat, putting your bag overhead, sitting down and buckling up becomes the most excruciatingly painful thing for people to do. They will stand in the aisle and rifle through their bags so they have their drink, their reading material, their snack, their laptop, etc, as if they won't be able to stand up once the plane is in the air.

816602[/snapback]

Everytime I fly, it's the same way and I always feel the same desire to secede from the human race.

[JoeFerguson]

Up until a couple of years ago, I spent eight years on a plane heading somewhere at least every other week. The one thing that has always amazed me is how the simple task of walking onto a plane, finding your seat, putting your bag overhead, sitting down and buckling up becomes the most excruciatingly painful thing for people to do. They will stand in the aisle and rifle through their bags so they have their drink, their reading material, their snack, their laptop, etc, as if they won't be able to stand up once the plane is in the air.

816602[/snapback]

 

You took the words right out of my mouth. I love the people who neatly fold their sport coat and put it in the overhead compartment, only to have it crushed and wrinkled by everyone else's bag.

[Alaska Darin]

a baby with the most enormous cans I have ever seen. Had to be F’s or FF’s

816552[/snapback]

Nice grammar. Still, I laughed pretty hard at the thought of a baby with FF "cans".

[justnzane]

OT: at wal-mart yesterday, I saw this 30 something woman pushing a baby with the most enormous cans I have ever seen. Had to be F’s or FF’s They were literally basketball size. I don’t think the baby could see mommy’s face from the cart, they were that big.

816552[/snapback]

 

ok, so here is the real question. Is she a MILF ?

[buckeyemike]

Everytime I fly, it's the same way and I always feel the same desire to secede from the human race.

816611[/snapback]

 

Reason No. 526 on why I hate to fly: The planes now have walkways narrower than a Greyhound bus...or your average subway train.

 

I've always felt like saying MOO!! whenever I board a plane.

[Fezmid]

2. Airports: I only fly a few times per year, mostly at Christmas and over the summer to go home, and when I have an occasional work conference. In the past few years tho, I feel like I have missed out on some great new discovery. Apparently, when they start boarding, even if they haven’t called your specific zone to board yet, the thing to do is stand and crowd in front of the jetway. Obviously this MUST speed up the boarding process. Otherwise why would everyone do it? The only logical conclusion I can come up with is that everyone gets on the plane faster when they all crowd in front of the jetway.

Northwest Airlines actually lets first class on and then everybody else after that, regardless of row. They claim it speeds things up, but I don't see how. The few times I've flown, I've found it annoying when people in the front of the plane are doing their thing in the aisle, causing everyone else to have to wait for them.

 

NWA says that it's sped up boarding by something like 10 minutes or so. Go figure.

[RayFinkle]

Southwest is the only way to fly. Boarding by groups, print up you boarding pass at home the night before you leave, pick your own seat...

[GoodBye]

Southwest is the only way to fly. Boarding by groups, print up you boarding pass at home the night before you leave, pick your own seat...

816965[/snapback]

Delta does that too.

[GoodBye]

3. Wal-Mart: As anyone who frequents a wal-mart knows, especially a super wal-mart (the kind with the grocery store inside) rednecks and hicks love it. The wal-mart super center is always populated with large numbers of rednecks, thus causing long lines at the checkouts. (Why wal-mart has 20 registers, but never more than 5 open at a given time is another quandary for another day). I have learned one VITAL fact when shopping to shave your wait time:

 

Use the self-checkout. Rednecks are deathly afraid of the self checkout. Perhaps there are too many lights, too many buttons to push, or maybe its too tough to scan your own items. Whatever the reason, rednecks avoid the self checkout like the plague. I’ll watch someone with 2 items wait for 30 minutes in a cashier line while theres NO ONE at the 4 self-checkout stations. Works for me. Then on my way out the door, I get looked at as some type of diety, because I understand the workings and magic of the mystical “self-checkout”.

 

 

816552[/snapback]

I think some people avoid the self check out lines cause they think "they pay the cashiers to check us why should I have to do it myself?"

[Bungee Jumper]

I think some people avoid the self check out lines cause they think "they pay the cashiers to check us why should I have to do it myself?" 

817003[/snapback]

 

That, and there's a surprising number of people who are just incapable of scanning a UPC code across a laser.

[bartshan-83]

Ramius and LA, right on about the fking airlines. I'll add to that...

 

1.) People who put tiny bags or purses in the overhead bin on an airplane. Thanks for being so stunningly self-absorbed, dickwad. There are only 150 people on this goddamn plane and it’s not like we all have fking luggage too. I have a standard sized carry-on suitcase, which is just small enough to fit in the overhead. And oh how it makes my day when I have to walk all the way back to the front of the plane, against traffic, to give the stewardess my bag because there is no place to put it. All because some selfish B word decided they couldn’t be bothered to put his camera bag underneath the seat in front of them. Wouldn’t want to interfere with your foot-room would we? It’s not like you are sharing this plane with other people now.

 

2.)People who “accidentally” sit in your seat and then act all exasperated when you ask them to move. First of all, these people know what they are doing. They know they have the shtty middle seat and they want my window. I find it hard to believe that people could have such trouble deciphering the complex ‘A-B-C code’ airplanes have to determine which seat is what. I get a window seat for two reasons: I like to rest my head against the wall and sleep and I don’t want to sit in between two disgusting people. I don’t get the aisle because I don’t really need Mr. Overactive Bladder to shove his ass in my face while he squeezes by me every 3 minutes to go to the bathroom. So don’t act like I’m the @sshole because I want the seat I paid for. You are the stupid one for sitting in the wrong seat so pack up your laptop and your precious blackberry and move out of the way.

 

3.) People sitting in a row behind me who think they are so important that they can get off the plane before me. This applies to buses or any other type of transportation where people sit in rows. We all learned in kindergarten the dynamic of waiting your fking turn. Look, if you have a connecting flight to catch, no problem, I’ve been there. Say something and I’m happy to let you by me. But if that’s not the case, what makes you think you are so special that you don’t have to wait in line like the rest of us? When I see one of these princes standing in the aisle waiting to pounce, I try so hard to resist snatching his silly hands-free cell phone kit and tossing it 10 rows back. One day I’ll do it. I promise.

[VABills]

Delta does that too. 

816993[/snapback]

Have you confirmed with Edward. After all delta doesn't give free drinks to first class and serves unshelled peanuts. A girl that actually talked to him, told him that so it must be true.

[IndyMark]

Up until a couple of years ago, I spent eight years on a plane heading somewhere at least every other week. The one thing that has always amazed me is how the simple task of walking onto a plane, finding your seat, putting your bag overhead, sitting down and buckling up becomes the most excruciatingly painful thing for people to do. They will stand in the aisle and rifle through their bags so they have their drink, their reading material, their snack, their laptop, etc, as if they won't be able to stand up once the plane is in the air.

816602[/snapback]

 

Ironically, up until about 5 years ago I almost never travelled by plane. Last year alone, I traveled by air 26 out of 52 weeks.

 

Lessons learned:

(a) If someone is wearing a hip sack, a polo shirt, and looks 10 months pregnant, they are going to Las Vegas from <insert midwestern city here - Columbus, Des Moines, Indianapolis, St. Louis, etc> .

 

(b) There are a ridiculously high number of travellers who think if their flight is cancelled due to poor weather they should be entitled to a free night at a Hotel at the expense of the airline; in addition, they let everyone know about it within a two block radius.

 

©The number of people who start drinking liqour at or before 9:00 am is striking. I am not judging, I am just sayin'.

 

(d) I am still not sure how the shoe shiners stay in business.

 

(e) TSA attracts really interesting 'personalities' that work for them. Again, not being condescending - I am just stating the facts.

 

(f) Pilots have a really witty sense of humor.

 

(g) Flight attendants have to be underpaid.

 

(h) NYC taxi drivers and Orange County super shuttle drivers must be trained at the same NASCAR training facility (slight contact during a lane change is ok).

 

(i) All planes should pipe in some type of nice scent to balance out the skank of people mixed with the high octane fuel. Airliners just plain stink by default.

 

(j) It is amusing that the simply social acts of making eye contact and small talk are both super high risk while, ironically, sitting real close to others in the normal course of travel (as in on the airplane or in a really crowded terminal).

 

(h) It is amazing how boredom makes sudko seem interesting and challenging.

 

(i) People watching and being engrossed in a good book make waiting at an airport almost bearable.

 

(j) I need to own a long-term parking lot near an airport.

 

[VABills]

(b) There are a ridiculously high number of travellers who think if their flight is cancelled due to poor weather they should be entitled to a free night at a Hotel at the expense of the airline;  in addition, they let everyone know about it within a two block radius.  

 

(e) TSA attracts really interesting 'personalities' that work for them.  Again, not being condescending - I am just stating the facts.

 

817149[/snapback]

 

Couple of comments on these.

 

First I have always been offered a free hotel and meals when a flight is cancelled. I don't know the rule, and I've never had to ask, but they have always offered.

 

On the second, isn't it scary. We fired one of our customer service phone support guys a few years back. Well lo and behold the boss saw him working as a the xray scanner guy at Dulles about 2 months later. Of yeah leaning back in his seat very tired looking. Needless to say he wasn't too comfortable about security on his flight that day.

[TheMadCap]

What seems to annoy the piss out of me about airports/airlines:

 

1. people who want to shove the giant carryon in the tiny overhead bin. THis is ususally because they have three plastic bags filled with schitt, and everyother thing in thier house with them on the plane.

 

2. People who take 100 years to get the fukk off the plane after it lands. I always sit in front, never take a carryon that I can't keep in my lap, and never check bagage if I can help it, just to get away from people.

 

I can conclude the following:

 

This world would be great if not for the fukking people....

[GoodBye]

Have you confirmed with Edward.  After all delta doesn't give free drinks to first class and serves unshelled peanuts.  A girl that actually talked to him, told him that so it must be true. 

817147[/snapback]

Huh?