ACor58 Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 http://www.thebrushback.com/bears_full.htm CHICAGO--Fed up with the Korean dictator’s blatant disregard for international law, the Chicago Bears defense, the most feared, hard-hitting defense in the NFL, told Kim Jong Il today to “cut the sh--” or they would travel to Korea and rip his head off. “Kim Jong Il really just needs to cut the sh--,” said linebacker Brian Urlacher. “He talks real tough, but we’re not intimidated by him. In fact, if he doesn’t stop with all the nuclear weapons-building, me and a few friends of mine I like to refer to as ‘the Bears defense’ are going to hop on a plane to North Korea or South Korea or wherever the hell he lives and snap his little neck. We will not let him threaten this nation, and we will not let him draw attention away from our undefeated season.” Defensive tackle Tommie Harris, who has 5 sacks this year, also had a little message for the communist dictator. “Cease and desist, man. Stop with the games,” Harris said at a press conference Sunday. “You’re threatening global stability. If we have to come over there, little man, it’s not going to be pretty. Blood will be shed. Heads will be slammed in car doors. Just ask JP Losman. We made his life miserable today, and his only crime was that he’s kind of a pretty boy.” The Bears defense has terrorized the NFL this year, allowing just 7.2 points per game after 5 games. Their roster boasts some of the hardest hitters in the league, such as Urlacher, Harris, and defensive end Alex Brown. Losman, who left Sunday’s game battered, bruised, and demoralized, wasn’t surprised that the Bears decided to send a message to Kim Jong Il. “They are an aggressive, in-your-face defense,” Losman said. “I would certainly take them seriously if I was that Korean guy. I mean, I’m not sure how they’d manage to get into the country since its such a reclusive regime, but they did get into our backfield so I guess anything’s possible. Of course, to get into our backfield all you have to do is make a menacing face at the lineman and then walk by him.” Hours after the Bears warned North Korea, South Koreans officials reported mysterious troops movements near the country’s border. An unidentified South Korean diplomat said the country may be preparing for another nuclear test in order to “flex its muscles” in response to Urlacher’s and Harris’s statements. “North Korea right now is responding to what it perceives to be aggressive statements by the Chicago Bears defense,” the diplomat said. “They want everybody to know that if the Bears follow through with their threats they have the capability to respond. The situation is now worse than it was before. Thanks a lot, !@#$s. Maybe you should wait till you've played a few more decent offense before you start making threats.” Unfortunately, the Bears would not back down from their statements. This time it was linebacker Lance Briggs who threw down the gauntlet. “Oh, what, they’re going to test another nuclear bomb now? Big deal,” he said. “They barely even got the first test right. You tell that little troll that if he wants to mix it up, we’re ready for him. We don’t back down from anybody. We didn’t back down from the Buffalo Bills, the Seattle Seahawks, or the Minnesota Vikings. And those guys at least had some semblance of a game plan. Well, not the Bills, unless you consider falling down a game plan.”
Buftex Posted October 13, 2006 Posted October 13, 2006 Funny suff! So, if the Bears defeat Lil' Kim, do you think folks on TSW will start realizing that they are "for real"? BTW, the Brushback article, from this past offseason, when the Bills signed Peerless Price is still one of the funniest things I have ever read...not trying to stir anything up at all (I like Price!), but it was a funny read, made even funnier when so many here took it seriously: BILLS TO PLACE PRICE ON PRACTICE SQUAD UNTIL CONTRACT YEAR ORCHARD PARK, NY--The Buffalo Bills signed wide receiver Peerless Price to a four-year contract worth more than $10 million yesterday, three years after he forced a trade from Buffalo to the Atlanta Falcons. The team then announced they would place him on the practice squad for the first three years of his deal and promote him to a starter during his contract year. Price’s 2002 season with the Bills, by far the best he’s had as a pro, was also a contract year. “We’re thrilled to have Peerless back in the fold,” said general manager Marv Levy “As we saw in 2002, he can be a very, very productive receiver in this league. But as we saw in the following years, he tends to do poorly directly after signing a big contract. Hey, it’s understandable. If I just signed a big, lucrative contract, I wouldn’t give a flying !@#$ what happened the next few years either.” Price was signed after disgruntled receiver Eric Moulds orchestrated a trade to the Texans. In three years, Price will be made the number two receiver, or possibly even number one. “We knew when Eric left we would need someone else,” said Levy. “And Peerless is going to be that someone else in a few years. We’ll start him off as the second option, but who knows? He could end up forcing his way into the number one spot. He’s got that kind of tenacity, that kind of do-or-die mentality that every player has when he’s in the last year of his contract. That’s exactly what we’re looking for here: desperately greedy people who will sacrifice their bodies for money.” After Price joined Atlanta in 2003, his career went steadily downhill. During two years with the Falcons, he netted only 1,413 receiving yards as quarterback Michael Vick was unable to get him the ball. In his one year with the Cowboys, Price caught 6 passes for a grand total of 96 yards. Still, that didn’t dissuade the Bills from giving him $10 million plus bonus incentives. “Peerless was a great receiver when I was here and I’m sure he can be great again,” said offensive coordinator Steve Fairchild. “ In Atlanta he was in an offense that wasn’t tailored to his skills. Same thing with Dallas. Here in Buffalo, however, we’ve got all the ingredients: a shaky offensive line, a decent but not great running game, and a quarterback who looks like Rob Johnson, throws like Rob Johnson, and basically is Rob Johnson – only not as good. So he should be pretty excited to be back.” In Dallas, however, many of Price’s old teammates disputed the notion that he was in “the wrong offense” or that he just needed a change of scenery. According to quarterback Drew Bledsoe, who openly campaigned for the Price signing, he just wasn’t good enough. “I really wanted Peerless to be here, because I remembered what a good receiver he was in Buffalo,” said Bledsoe. “But something happened to him. He couldn’t catch the ball, he was slow, and he couldn’t get open. He had 96 receiving yards all season. There are cornerbacks in our division that I threw to for more than 96 yards last year.” For his part, Price is thrilled to be back with the team that gave him his start. His best years were in Buffalo and now he’s hoping to recapture the form that made him incredibly wealthy. “It’s funny sometimes the way life comes full circle,” said Price. “When I had my big year in 2002, I did the honorable thing and forced a trade to a team that was willing to overpay me. But now I’m back. It’s been a tough few years. I guess what they say is true: the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. But it doesn’t really matter because the money is really good over there.”
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