BoondckCL Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 Last night after getting off of work, i learned that a friend of mine from high school committed suicide early on Monday. Since high school, he had apparently "come out of the closet". I am not absolutely sure if this was the reason for this, but it serves mentioning. Parents, teach kids tolerence of others. I often joke about homosexuality, but all deserve to be treated equal and as human beings. Hug your kids and tell them you love them, let them know that they can turn to you for support about anything that may trouble them. Patrick Calvin Breslin RIP
RuntheDamnBall Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 Condolences, man. Nobody should be thinking it's over that young. There's so much good ahead. I'm sorry for your loss.
Tolstoy Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 My condolences to you, and prayers for his family. It is a horrible thing. People who take their own lives have been failed by the rest of us. They needed help and we didn't listen. However, (and you know much more about the situation than me) I take issue with your assumption that that this tragedy happened because the individual was shown a lack of tolerance for his sexuality. He may well have been confused about his identity, including his sexual identity, and may have been uncomfortable with himself. That probably contributed more to this tragedy than any kind of outright injustice others may have shown him. People are badly treated all over the world, every day, but don't destroy themselves: it is our ability to trust our own judgment of ourselves that enables us to push on despite the naysayers. I guess what I am taking issue with is your inference that proceeds as such: (1) One individual committed suicide because he was gay, and no one accepted him. (2) Therefore, we should all accept homosexuality as a healthy alternative sexuality, so that we don't push gay people into killing themselves. I don't think (1) is necessarily true, or that (2) follows from (1).
mead107 Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 sorry for your loss will have to ask my son if he knew him from crew .family name is not ringing a bell at this time . have to ask my wife if she knew the family .
RuntheDamnBall Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 My condolences to you, and prayers for his family. It is a horrible thing. People who take their own lives have been failed by the rest of us. They needed help and we didn't listen. However, (and you know much more about the situation than me) I take issue with your assumption that that this tragedy happened because the individual was shown a lack of tolerance for his sexuality. He may well have been confused about his identity, including his sexual identity, and may have been uncomfortable with himself. That probably contributed more to this tragedy than any kind of outright injustice others may have shown him. People are badly treated all over the world, every day, but don't destroy themselves: it is our ability to trust our own judgment of ourselves that enables us to push on despite the naysayers. I guess what I am taking issue with is your inference that proceeds as such: (1) One individual committed suicide because he was gay, and no one accepted him. (2) Therefore, we should all accept homosexuality as a healthy alternative sexuality, so that we don't push gay people into killing themselves. I don't think (1) is necessarily true, or that (2) follows from (1). 780335[/snapback] I'm not sure this assessment was really necessary. In fact, I'm certain this is the kind of thing nobody who's just lost a friend needs to hear.
Movinon Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 I'm not sure this assessment was really necessary. In fact, I'm certain this is the kind of thing nobody who's just lost a friend needs to hear. 780374[/snapback] Agreed - and the assertion that they needed help and nobody listened is preposterous. Not every person that is suicidal reaches out for help. Many victims suffer in silence.
KRC Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 Agreed - and the assertion that they needed help and nobody listened is preposterous. Not every person that is suicidal reaches out for help. Many victims suffer in silence. 780380[/snapback] You also have the situation where people reach out to help, but the person pushes them away. I have personally been through that with two people I knew who committed suicide.
buckeyemike Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 Only 19...I'm so sorry. Recently, a friend of mine was admitted to a psychiatric hospital after a suicide attempt. I don't know exactly what happened, and he's 39 with a wife, three kids and what I thought was a thriving business. I am thankful he is now getting the help he needs.
crackur Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 You also have the situation where people reach out to help, but the person pushes them away. I have personally been through that with two people I knew who committed suicide. 780383[/snapback] yes, most people who talk about killing themselves, will never do it......it's the ones that you have to rip the idea out of them..... Bless him and the family
IBTG81 Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 Only 19...I'm so sorry. Recently, a friend of mine was admitted to a psychiatric hospital after a suicide attempt. I don't know exactly what happened, and he's 39 with a wife, three kids and what I thought was a thriving business. I am thankful he is now getting the help he needs. 780409[/snapback] I'm a social worker and sadly, I see this crap all of the time. You'd be surprised at some of the things we see.
aussiew Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 I wish that just once I could meet someone who survived a real suicde attempt and that they would sit down with me and explain WHY. I know about some really painful times.... I know about trying to go to sleep and praying to die during the night so that I wouldn't have to face the next day. But where do they get the strength to actually do it? For me, this will be one of life's unexplained mysteries. This poor, tortured kid has my prayers.
Gavin in Va Beach Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 I wish that just once I could meet someone who survived a real suicde attempt and that they would sit down with me and explain WHY. I know about some really painful times.... I know about trying to go to sleep and praying to die during the night so that I wouldn't have to face the next day. But where do they get the strength to actually do it? For me, this will be one of life's unexplained mysteries. This poor, tortured kid has my prayers. 780442[/snapback] As one who considered it many times in high school, why is very simple. Sometimes dying seems a lot easier then living.
RuntheDamnBall Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 I wish that just once I could meet someone who survived a real suicde attempt and that they would sit down with me and explain WHY. I know about some really painful times.... I know about trying to go to sleep and praying to die during the night so that I wouldn't have to face the next day. But where do they get the strength to actually do it? For me, this will be one of life's unexplained mysteries. This poor, tortured kid has my prayers. 780442[/snapback] aussie, I have to second Gavin's sentiments. And add this: a kid these days is the center of his/her own earth and I think that any healthy process of growing up is a process of growing out of this and understanding just how big the world is, how unalone one is, how human all of our feelings are -- they are not feelings of isolation. They are feelings we all have at one point or another and it's something we can work through if we begin to understand this. If we cave in to the center -- for really the ultimate loneliness is an ultimate self-centeredness -- it's over. I don't mean that it's a selfishness, though suicide has often been called that, because that's to imply one wouldn't think of others, even knowing they were there. Self-centeredness means the idea that no one else is there. For someone contemplating suicide, the idea can be that "No one has ever felt this bad," "I'm alone where I stand," and "feeling like this is just not worth it." Obviously, it's so short-sighted, but it's a situation that takes both the individual's snapping out of it -- at least in small part -- and a lot of help from friends. If those friends aren't around or they're being shut down, it's all the more difficult.
Tolstoy Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 I'm not sure this assessment was really necessary. In fact, I'm certain this is the kind of thing nobody who's just lost a friend needs to hear. 780374[/snapback] I appreciate your gentle remonstrance, but I think you suffer from misplaced sensitivity here, and did not read the original post carefully enough. Note that the author says "Since high school, he had apparently "come out of the closet". I am not absolutely sure if this was the reason for this, but it serves mentioning." The author of this post apparently had little, if any, contact with the individual in question since high school, a period of apparently 2 or more years. My assumption (justifiable) was that this was not a close friend at all (especially since he had little or no knowledge of his struggles with his sexual identity). So while the author might certainly be suffering pain upon learning of this tragedy, it was not so much to stop him from publicly airing it on this type of board, nor was it enough to stop him from attaching a moral lesson to it. Again, I offered my condolences to the author, but I gently pointed out that this is an improper manner in which to demonstrate that we must all be accepting of homosexuality.
RuntheDamnBall Posted September 20, 2006 Posted September 20, 2006 I appreciate your gentle remonstrance, but I think you suffer from misplaced sensitivity here, and did not read the original post carefully enough. Note that the author says "Since high school, he had apparently "come out of the closet". I am not absolutely sure if this was the reason for this, but it serves mentioning." The author of this post apparently had little, if any, contact with the individual in question since high school, a period of apparently 2 or more years. My assumption (justifiable) was that this was not a close friend at all (especially since he had little or no knowledge of his struggles with his sexual identity). So while the author might certainly be suffering pain upon learning of this tragedy, it was not so much to stop him from publicly airing it on this type of board, nor was it enough to stop him from attaching a moral lesson to it. Again, I offered my condolences to the author, but I gently pointed out that this is an improper manner in which to demonstrate that we must all be accepting of homosexuality. 780719[/snapback] He didn't say "accept homosexuality." He said "I often joke about homosexuality, but all deserve to be treated equal and as human beings." You're inferring an awful lot about the poster, who merely said that this was the kind of thing he doesn't usually post. Obviously the loss of this friend meant enough for him to air it out in public. There are times to keep thoughts of debate to oneself, and this is one of them.
BoondckCL Posted September 21, 2006 Author Posted September 21, 2006 I appreciate your gentle remonstrance, but I think you suffer from misplaced sensitivity here, and did not read the original post carefully enough. Note that the author says "Since high school, he had apparently "come out of the closet". I am not absolutely sure if this was the reason for this, but it serves mentioning." The author of this post apparently had little, if any, contact with the individual in question since high school, a period of apparently 2 or more years. My assumption (justifiable) was that this was not a close friend at all (especially since he had little or no knowledge of his struggles with his sexual identity). So while the author might certainly be suffering pain upon learning of this tragedy, it was not so much to stop him from publicly airing it on this type of board, nor was it enough to stop him from attaching a moral lesson to it. Again, I offered my condolences to the author, but I gently pointed out that this is an improper manner in which to demonstrate that we must all be accepting of homosexuality. 780719[/snapback] In a way you are right. I did not always have contact with Pat after high school, or much after i got kicked out of high school for that matter. I was friends with him in middle school really, when people aren't really sure what their sexual preferance is anyway, which serves for the fact that i would not really know about his sexual identity struggle. It's really one of those things that when you see that an old friend died, you are going to become somber, i don't care who you are, its going to happen. Do i know that his sexual identity was the reason for this? No, i don't. When he came out i know his parents purchased objects for him or something to that effect, but maybe that is not the kind of support he was looking for. If anything I would say that there is a chance that he did it because of his sexual identity. Read the obituary, there was nothing wrong with the kid. Absolutely nothing wrong. Just a kid who liked slasher films and got me to watch them when i was younger. But this is not the debate that one should have at a time like this.
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