aussiew Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 With apologies in advance to my fellow TBD ladies who may not have a sense of humor. I thought this was really funny....especially #12 1. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it ------------------------------------------------------------------- 2. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. -------------------------------------------------------------------- 3. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. ------------------------------------------------------------------- 4. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..." ------------------------------------------------------------------- 5. How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. ------------------------------------------------------------------- 6. Why do men fart more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. ------------------------------------------------------------------- 7. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. ------------------------------------------------------------------- 8. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told ------------------------------------------------------------------- 9. I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. ------------------------------------------------------------------- 10. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake. ------------------------------------------------------------------- 11. Why do men die before their wives? They want to. - ------------------------------------------------------------------ 12. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. ------------------------------------------------------------------- 13. In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
inkman Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 12. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. 726021[/snapback] This one really seems to speak to me.
Beerball Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 This one really seems to speak to me. 726041[/snapback] I resemble that remark.
inkman Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 I resemble that remark. 726060[/snapback] Thank God shaving heads became "cool".
The Tomcat Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 On the same note... I recently went to my 20th class reunion and one of my classmates is a DJ on a local radio station. He went around to all the woman with a recorder and asked the question "what do woman want?" All the woman were answering like "true love", "a man that cares" yada yada yada... I chime in with this response..."what woman want is to thought off, remembered...like last year on my anniversary when I bought my wife the matching dust pan to the broom I bought her the year before! and what says I love you more than going to Sams Club and coming home with a 96 oz bottle of Downy!" Its being spliced and will be aired soon.....
aussiew Posted July 20, 2006 Author Posted July 20, 2006 Where were you 5 years ago? (before I met the love of my life, my beautiful wife) Married.
R. Rich Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 I love shaved heads. 726147[/snapback] I can't stand them.
ricojes Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 14. Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? A: Divorced. 15. Q: Why are hangovers better than women? A: Hangovers will go away 16. Q: Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter? A: Yeah, it fits right over her mouth. 17. My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food... She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
cåblelady Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Want to know why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage.
LabattBlue Posted July 20, 2006 Posted July 20, 2006 17. My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food... She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. 726346[/snapback]
/dev/null Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 15. Q: Why are hangovers better than women?A: Hangovers will go away 726346[/snapback] only problem is when she wants a ride home when you're hungover
Chilly Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 16. Q: Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter?A: Yeah, it fits right over her mouth. rol
BILLS4LIFE Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Want to know why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage. 726408[/snapback] Thank you for that!
Beerball Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Want to know why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage. 726408[/snapback]
tennesseeboy Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 What's it mean when a woman is standing over the bed and you're lying there out of breath and sweating profusely and saying her name over and over? She hadn't held the pillow over your face long enough!
aussiew Posted July 21, 2006 Author Posted July 21, 2006 Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Want to know why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage.
Gary M Posted July 21, 2006 Posted July 21, 2006 Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy that can carry six donuts and two cups of coffee. Who's the most popular woman? The one that can eat the last donut.
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