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;):blink::huh::D

 

"I had never seen a scarier group of people," said Raleigh resident Max Sherwood, who was enjoying a quiet, calm Raleigh evening in the park with his mother. "They all had scraggily looking beards and they reeked of sweat and alcohol. They were screaming things like 'We !@#$ing did it!' and 'Stanley!' When I politely asked them who Stanley was and not to cuss in front of my mother, well, that's when they came after us."

 

Sherwood suffered a mild concussion as well as facial lacerations after being forced to drink warm champagne out of "some type of weird birdbath."

Posted

""We couldn't believe what was happening," said Sam Weber, owner of Playmakers, a Raleigh sports bar. "I still don't understand it. We had a decent crowd here to watch the 1982 North Carolina vs. Georgetown NCAA Championship game on ESPN Classic when out of nowhere a lamppost comes crashing through the front window. Then these huge pasty white guys, all wearing, like, matching sweaters, run in screaming like madmen and holding this giant planter over their heads, which they demanded I fill with beer."

Posted

;) Got to love the Onion! How about these related storys-

 

Losing Super Bowl Team Gets Locker-Room Condolence Call From John Kerry

 

Dying Boy Brought In To Cheer Up Kansas City Royals

 

Tim Duncan Fires Up Teammates With Calm, Moderated, Three-Hour Pep Talk

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