WWVaBeach Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him. "Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," th e man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?" He replied, "It feels great ......but my thumb still hurts like hell." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf. The pro asked, "Did you guys have a good game today?" The first old guy said, "Yes, I had three riders today." The second old guy said, "I had the most riders ever. I had five." The third old guy said, "I had 7 riders, the same as last time." The last old man said, "I beat my old record. I had 12 riders today." After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and said, "I have been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but what's a rider?" The pro said, "A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to get in the golf cart and ride to it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smokinandjokin Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 A married man has been having an affair with his secretary at work for several months. One day at the office, the passion overcomes them, so they leave and get a motel room. They proceed to have incredible sex all afternoon, eventually tiring out and falling asleep in each other's arms. Later, the man wakes up and shoots out of bed. He grabs his watch and sees that it's 9:30pm. Quickly, he starts rummaging around the room, gathering up his articles of clothing. His secretary gets out of bed and starts flirting with him again. "Not now," he says. "It's late, my wife is going to kill me. I've got to get out of here." His mistress starts trying to help him button his shirt, but he slaps her hand away. "Here," he says as he hands her his shoes. "Take these outside and rub them in the dirt. Get them grass stained and muddy." "But why would I..." she asks. "Please, just do it," the man replies. She does as he asks, and he continues to get dressed. She comes back in with the dirty shoes, and the man puts them on, gives her a kiss goodnight (and probably a smack on the ass) and heads for home. Sure enough, when he gets home, his wife sees his car pull in and is waiting for him at the door. She is pissed! "What the hell is this?" she scolds. "10PM? No phone call? I had dinner ready four hours ago!!! Where the hell have you been?" "Honey," the man says. "I cannot lie to you. I have been having an affair with my secretary for several months now. We went to a motel today and made love all afternoon, and then we fell asleep. I came home as soon as I woke up." His shocked wife stares at him, and then looks down and sees his dirty shoes. She looks up again, even more pissed than before. "Bullschit you lying bastard! You were playing golf!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuckincincy Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 This particular course had a hole that was in view of the highway. A foursome were putting out, and one of them said, "Look - there's a funeral procession". One fellow took is cap off, and bowed his head until the hearse and mourners passed. The others remarked, "How nice of you! He replied, "It's the least I could do for my wife". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Tomcat Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 A guy is getting ready to hit a ball from the ladies tee when a voice comes over the load speaker. "would the gentlemen hitting the ball from the ladies tee please hit from the white tees....." The guy steps back looks at the starter then readdresses his ball.. Again.."would the gentlemen hitting the ball from the ladies tee please hit from the white tees....." they guy turns around and yells...."shut the fu*& up, Im trying to hit my second shot....." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phlegm Alley Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 Two guys are playing golf late one evening and there is no one else on the course but them. On one of the last holes, one guy slices his drive into a patch of butter cups. As he is getting ready to hit his second shot, he hears a voice that says "don't mess up my butter cups". The guy looks around, sees that there is no one there and addresses his ball. Again, he hears the same voice. "Don't mess up my butter cups". The guy looks around, sees nobody, and considers the fact that he may be going crazy. He tries to address his second shot but again, he is disrupted by the voice that warns him not to mess up the butter cups. Finally, the guy throws his club down, looks up to the sky and asks "alright, who is that and why don't you want me to mess up your butter cups?" The voice replies "It is me God, and if you don't mess up my butter cups, I'll give you all the butter in the world". The golfer sighs and says "Great. Where were you last week when I was in the patch of pussywillows?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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