obie_wan Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 Brushback First Round Draft Analysis Pick Team Pos. Player College Class 1 DE Mario Williams NC State JR Before you criticize the Texans, consider this: Mario Williams has been compared favorably to Jevon Kearse. Ok, now you can criticize them, because I wouldn’t give Jevon Kearse $54 million if he was holding my baby for ransom. 2 RB Reggie Bush USC JR The Saints were just sitting there, minding their own business, when all of a sudden Reggie Bush dropped into their laps. The same thing happened to me, but it was at a nightclub and Bush was hammered on seven Zimas. Heavy son of a B word, too. 3 QB Vince Young Texas SR Throwing the ball sidearm can actually be pretty effective if you’re playing baseball because it upsets the batter’s timing. In football, it tends to result in passes wedged in the linebacker’s face mask. 4 OT D'Brickashaw Ferguson Virginia SR The Jets desperately needed a tackle here and they got the best one in the draft in Ferguson. Yes, they could’ve gone with Matt Leinart, but the scouts weren’t sold on his pass-blocking skills. 5 LB AJ Hawk Ohio State SR AJ Hawk is a real character guy who can get in there and make all the little plays. Translation: he’s white. 6 TE Vernon Davis Maryland JR Vernon Davis has great hands and provides a really big target for a quarterback. He still might not be big enough for Alex Smith, though. Maybe he can have another tight end stand on his shoulders. 7 S Michael Huff Texas SR Safety is an important position, but couldn’t they have filled it later in the draft? I’m sure there was a tight end in the late rounds capable of standing downfield and waiting around for someone to tackle. 8 S Donte Whitner Ohio State JR The Bills did a good job selecting someone who isn’t that good, so they don’t have to pay him millions of dollars and put up with his cocky attitude. 9 LB Ernie Sims FSU SR The Lions took several players in the draft, apparently signaling the end of their current roster. If those guys were all so good, they would never have bothered looking for replacements, would they? 10 QB Matt Leinart USC SR Leinart made the right decision in not entering the draft after last season. Sure he would’ve been the top pick in the draft, but he never would’ve had a chance to lose the Rose Bowl. 11 QB Jay Cutler Vanderbilt SR The Broncos just found Jake Plummer’s replacement. Cutler actually has some things in common with Plummer, in that he’s a tough, hard-nosed player who hasn’t accomplished a damn thing in his whole career. 12 DT Haloti Ngata Oregon SR I don’t know why they picked this guy. I don’t know anything about him, really. Never done an ounce of research on him. So I guess you could say I'm not impressed. 13 DE Kamerion Wimbley FSU SR This was a huge reach as Kamerion Wimbley was rated very low on my draft board. According my scouting reports, Joseph should have gone in the fifth round and the Browns should have selected nobody here. Wait a minute. That can’t be right. 14 DT Brodrick Bunkley FSU SR This is a nice pick, but will his criminal background come back to haunt the Eagles? What, he doesn’t have a criminal background? I thought he went to Florida State. 15 S Tye Hill Clemson SR Probably the worst pick that the Rams could have made here. They have so many holes to fill and they pick a cornerback who used to “run track?” Please. If he was such a great track runner why the hell did he switch to football? 16 CB Jason Allen Tennessee SR The Dolphins defense finally got a little younger with the addition of Allen, a cornerback out of Tennessee who had his starting job taken from him last year when he started whining about his hip. That’s not going to fly under Nick Saban. 17 LB Chad Greenway Iowa SR This is the player they needed, clearly the missing link between them and the Super Bowl. The only question now is: can they repeat in 2007? 18 LB Bobby Carpenter Ohio St SR They should've drafted the Under Armour guy. Did you see the new commercial? I’ve never seen anybody so pumped up. He’s obviously a great leader, too. Only downside is he’s not going to be passing any of those urine tests, if you know what I mean (wink wink). 19 CB Antonio Cromartie FSU JR Now that the Chargers are set at the quarterback position (lol) they can concentrate on the defense, and Cromartie is a speedy cornerback that will bring something new to the Chargers secondary: talent. Pay attention, Quentin Jammer. You might learn something from this guy. 20 DE Tamba Hali Penn St SR The Chiefs love Tamba Hali’s arms, which are perfect for arm tackling, the Chiefs main defensive strategy. They have secondary strategies, too, such as lying on the ground and getting stepped on. 21 RB Laurence Maroney Minnesota JR Still can’t believe the Texans took Mario Williams. Damn. 22 LB Manny Lawson NC State LB The good thing about Manny Lawson is that he can easily be converted to a quarterback. You just have to place him behind center. That would pretty much do it. 23 G Davin Joseph Oklahoma SR Most draft picks end up as either busts or special teams players. This guy will probably be a bust because offensive lineman don’t usually play on special teams. 24 CB Johnathan Joseph S Carolina JR The scouting report calls Joseph “a raw prospect who needs a lot of development.” Well then he should fit in with the rest of the Bengals defense. He’ll probably immediately be named captain. 25 WR Santonio Holmes Ohio St JR The Steelers expect Santonio Holmes to take over for Hines Ward, whose career is pretty much over. Hopefully he goes out gracefully, unlike Jerome Bettis who embarrassed himself last season by stumbling ass backwards into the Super Bowl. 26 DT John McCargo NC State JR The bad news: all the draft experts disapproved of this pick. The good news: none of those people know what the !@#$ they’re talking about. 27 RB DeAngelo Williams Memphis SR The Panthers’ other running back, DeShaun Foster, is as fragile as they come. He’s fine as long as nobody tries to tackle him, but you know those defenders. Stubborn stubborn stubborn. Always with the tackling. 28 TE Marcedes Lewis UCLA SR Will this be the pick that gets the Jaguars to the next level? Yes, but the next level is winning one playoff game. 29 C Nick Mangold Ohio State SR When Jay Cutler is leading the Broncos to the Super Bowl this year, the Jets can watch the game at D’Brickashaw Ferguson’s house and slowly drink themselves to death. 30 RB Joseph Addai LSU SR The great thing about Addai, and the thing the Colts scouts are most impressed by, is the fact that he wasn’t even the featured back in college. That’s the kind of player who can step in and make a big impact on your practice squad. 31 CB Kelly Jennings Miami SR The Seahawks were a couple of misguided audibles away from a Super Bowl victory last season, so naturally they had to go out and acquire a mediocre cornerback. It’s tough down here at the bottom of the round. 32 DE Mathias Kiwanuka BC SR Kiwanuka is a raw player who’s a bit undersized and can’t defend against the run. Under Tom Coughlin’s tutelage, however, he should become really adept at showing up to meetings on time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
syhuang Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 Brushback First Round Draft Analysis 8 S Donte Whitner Ohio State JR The Bills did a good job selecting someone who isn’t that good, so they don’t have to pay him millions of dollars and put up with his cocky attitude. 685921[/snapback] Whitner is cocky? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acantha Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 Whitner is cocky? 685926[/snapback] 1. That is saying he is not cocky. 2. It's all a joke anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
syhuang Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 1. That is saying he is not cocky.2. It's all a joke anyway. 685928[/snapback] Oh, it's a joke, my bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acantha Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 Those were pretty good. My favorites: 5 LB AJ Hawk Ohio State SR AJ Hawk is a real character guy who can get in there and make all the little plays. Translation: he’s white. 6 TE Vernon Davis Maryland JR Vernon Davis has great hands and provides a really big target for a quarterback. He still might not be big enough for Alex Smith, though. Maybe he can have another tight end stand on his shoulders. 7 S Michael Huff Texas SR Safety is an important position, but couldn’t they have filled it later in the draft? I’m sure there was a tight end in the late rounds capable of standing downfield and waiting around for someone to tackle. 21 RB Laurence Maroney Minnesota JR Still can’t believe the Texans took Mario Williams. Damn. 23 G Davin Joseph Oklahoma SR Most draft picks end up as either busts or special teams players. This guy will probably be a bust because offensive lineman don’t usually play on special teams. 26 DT John McCargo NC State JR The bad news: all the draft experts disapproved of this pick. The good news: none of those people know what the !@#$ they’re talking about. 29 C Nick Mangold Ohio State SR When Jay Cutler is leading the Broncos to the Super Bowl this year, the Jets can watch the game at D’Brickashaw Ferguson’s house and slowly drink themselves to death. 30 RB Joseph Addai LSU SR The great thing about Addai, and the thing the Colts scouts are most impressed by, is the fact that he wasn’t even the featured back in college. That’s the kind of player who can step in and make a big impact on your practice squad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cantankerous Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 hahaha, that's pretty good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffaloBilliever Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 Gotta love the Cutler - Plummer comparison, it's true... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
socalfan Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 I thought it was pretty stupid, and a definite waste of bytes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyBall4Buffalo Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 5 LB AJ Hawk Ohio State SR AJ Hawk is a real character guy who can get in there and make all the little plays. Translation: he’s white. 10 QB Matt Leinart USC SR Leinart made the right decision in not entering the draft after last season. Sure he would’ve been the top pick in the draft, but he never would’ve had a chance to lose the Rose Bowl. 11 QB Jay Cutler Vanderbilt SR The Broncos just found Jake Plummer’s replacement. Cutler actually has some things in common with Plummer, in that he’s a tough, hard-nosed player who hasn’t accomplished a damn thing in his whole career. 14 DT Brodrick Bunkley FSU SR This is a nice pick, but will his criminal background come back to haunt the Eagles? What, he doesn’t have a criminal background? I thought he went to Florida State. 15 S Tye Hill Clemson SR Probably the worst pick that the Rams could have made here. They have so many holes to fill and they pick a cornerback who used to “run track?” Please. If he was such a great track runner why the hell did he switch to football? 20 DE Tamba Hali Penn St SR The Chiefs love Tamba Hali’s arms, which are perfect for arm tackling, the Chiefs main defensive strategy. They have secondary strategies, too, such as lying on the ground and getting stepped on. 26 DT John McCargo NC State JR The bad news: all the draft experts disapproved of this pick. The good news: none of those people know what the !@#$ they’re talking about. 27 RB DeAngelo Williams Memphis SR The Panthers’ other running back, DeShaun Foster, is as fragile as they come. He’s fine as long as nobody tries to tackle him, but you know those defenders. Stubborn stubborn stubborn. Always with the tackling. 30 RB Joseph Addai LSU SR The great thing about Addai, and the thing the Colts scouts are most impressed by, is the fact that he wasn’t even the featured back in college. That’s the kind of player who can step in and make a big impact on your practice squad. 32 DE Mathias Kiwanuka BC SR Kiwanuka is a raw player who’s a bit undersized and can’t defend against the run. Under Tom Coughlin’s tutelage, however, he should become really adept at showing up to meetings on time. 685921[/snapback] funny stuff the best one though is hawks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nostradamus Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 Def the best post I've seen on TBD. That Chad Greenway quote remindes me of the Coy Wire reference in the WGR Ode to Tedi Bruschi from last season. Remember that one?? "Thank God for Coy Wire. What a player he is." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dean Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 The whole thing cracked me up. Thanks, OB-Wan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ans4e64 Posted May 8, 2006 Share Posted May 8, 2006 20 DE Tamba Hali Penn St SR The Chiefs love Tamba Hali’s arms, which are perfect for arm tackling, the Chiefs main defensive strategy. They have secondary strategies, too, such as lying on the ground and getting stepped on. 685921[/snapback] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cantankerous Posted May 8, 2006 Share Posted May 8, 2006 /\that one really made me laugh, cause it's right on! Man that is funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillsFanInTexas Posted May 8, 2006 Share Posted May 8, 2006 18 LB Bobby Carpenter Ohio St SR They should've drafted the Under Armour guy. Did you see the new commercial? I’ve never seen anybody so pumped up. He’s obviously a great leader, too. Only downside is he’s not going to be passing any of those urine tests, if you know what I mean (wink wink). 685921[/snapback] The irony is that the Cowboys DID have the Under Armour guy on their team (Eric Ogbogu). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mary owen Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 The irony is that the Cowboys DID have the Under Armour guy on their team (Eric Ogbogu). 686539[/snapback] a little off-topic, but is it me or is that kid on the bus (in the other UA commercial) the scariest 12 year old you've ever seen? everytime I see that commercial, I feel bad for the skinny kids going along with his Ray Lewis-like ranting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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