BRH Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 30) Q. What did Jesus say on the cross? A. Peter! I can see your house from here.
HopsGuy Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 29) A penguin is driving down the road on a hot sunny day and smoke starts pouring out of the hood. Fortunately, this occurs right in front of a garage, so he pulls in. The grease-monkey says, it'll take about an hour to find the problem. The penguin says, "Where can I go to cool off? I'm a penguin, y'know?" He's advised that there is a grocery story down the street and he can chill out at in the frozen food section. The penguin heeds this advice. While in one of the freezers, he snacks on some Eskimo bars. After an hour, he pays and makes his way back to the garage. Upon arrival, the aforementioned grease-monkey says, "Well, it looks like you blew a seal. " The penguin replies: (Wait for it) (Wait for it) "No, no. It's just ice cream."
Phlegm Alley Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 28) Q: What's green and smells like pork?? A: Kermit's finger
Phlegm Alley Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 27) Q: How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower? A: Hand the B*tch a shovel
Phlegm Alley Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 26) Q: What's the difference between Courtney Love and Wayne Gretzky? A: Wayne Gretzky showers after three periods.
Phlegm Alley Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 25) Q: What do you call that useless piece of skin around a woman's vagina? A: The woman
Pete Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 24- A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says "about 2 hours". The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks "how long before I can get a haircut? The barber looks around at shop full of customers and says "about 2 hours". The guy leaves. A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks "how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says "about an hour and a half". The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says "Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes". In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop and sits down, laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "So, where did he go when he left here?" Bill looked up and said, "Your house."
Surfmeister Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 23: A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?" The woman says, "You can have any prize from the bottom shelf."
MarkyMannn Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 22: So 2 priests die, and are in front of St Peter at Heaven's Gate. Because they led very holy lives, St Pete is about to let them in when God comes up to them. God says "it's too crowded up here right now to let them in, in a couple days we'll have some room". St P says "well what do I do with them?". God says "grant them any wish they want and send them back for a few days". So the first priest says "I'd love to be as free as an eagle, soaring over the Grand Canyon" POOF!!! He's gone and he's an eagle. The second priest says "For once, I'd love to be a stud!!!" St P says "well that's a very unusual request but OK". POOF!!! He's gone and he's a stud. Couple days later God says to St P to bring the priests back to Heaven. St P says "well it's going to be tough to find them. One guy is flying over the Grand Canyon". God says "what about the second priest?" St P says "even worse, he's in Buffalo in a SNOW TIRE!!
Navy Chief Navy Pride Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 Q---How do you know when your at a gay picinic? A---All the hotdogs taste like Sh@t.
Navy Chief Navy Pride Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 Q---Whats the difference between driving through the fog and eating Pu$$y? A---When your driving through the fog you can't see the as$h@le in front of you!
5 Wide Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 A chinese man goes into the bank to exchange his yen for dollars, He hands the banker his yen and he receives his money. The next day he brings more yen back to the banker and receives a different amount. The chinese man says: "how come I bring you 100 yen both yesterday and today, but you give me different amount now?" The banker replies, Fluxuations. The chinese man looks at him and grows angry...."fluck you white guys too".
Pete Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 A chinese man goes into the bank to exchange his yen for dollars, He hands the banker his yen and he receives his money. The next day he brings more yen back to the banker and receives a different amount. The chinese man says: "how come I bring you 100 yen both yesterday and today, but you give me different amount now?" The banker replies, Fluxuations. The chinese man looks at him and grows angry...."fluck you white guys too". 663154[/snapback]
eSJayDee Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 A chinese man goes into the bank to exchange his yen for dollars, FYI, China's currency is the Yuan. Yen is Japan. It was a funny joke & good for a laugh though!
NCDAWG Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 #18 Why did God create woman? To carry the cum from the bed to the toilet.
erynthered Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 Sitting together on a train, traveling through the Swiss Alps are a French guy, an American guy, an old Greek lady and a young blonde Swiss girl. The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the Frenchman has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one speaks. The old lady thinks: The Frenchman must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped his cheek. The blonde thinks: That Frenchman must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek. The Frenchman thinks: The American must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead. The American thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, so I can smack that Frenchman again
Gavin in Va Beach Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 Because the town has no rabbi of its own, its citizens hire one from another village to officiate at Moshe's last rites. At the end of the service, the rabbi says, "Since I am not from this village, I can say little about this man's life. So I would like someone from this shettl to tell us something now about Moshe's good works." This is followed by a resounding silence. The rabbi repeats his request with no results. Finally he says: "I don't thing you understand; we are not leaving here until someone says something good about Moshe." Eventually an old man stands up and offers the following: "I knew his brother; he was worse."
BuffaloBud Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 3 guys are the #1 tee and the starter tells them that he has a fourth for the group. When the fourth arrives it is a stunning blonde. The 3 guys look at each other and think this ought to be interesting. To start play on the par 4, the 3 guys tee off and all are in the fairway. The blonde tees off and outdrives the 3 guys by 25 yards. First guy second shot is short, in front of the green. Second guy second shot is in the bunker. Third guy second shot is long and in the weeds. Blonde second shot is on the green, about 3 foot out. All three guys hack their way onto the green and have putted out. The blonde comments to the guys "If I make this putt this will be the first birdie since playing this game. I'd give anything for a pointer." First guy reads the putt and says - ball and half outside to the right. Second guy says - inside right. Third guy says - Gimmee.
Chef Jim Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 15) I'm assuming seeing the three above me weren't numbered. Young guy is at dinner with a attractive girl for their first date. He really likes her and wants to impress her. During their meal in walks Frank Sinantra and sits in the corner booth. The girl gets up to use the restroom and while gone the guy goes to Frank and asks: "Mr Sinatra, I have a very important request for you. I'm a big fan of yours and I'm on a first date with a girl I really like. I want to impress her. Could you come over to our table and say hello, act like you know me and were great friends?" Frank agrees. "I really appreciate that, my name is Dave." The girl returns and during dessert over walks Frank. "Dave! How are you? Long time no see, how have you been?" The young man looks up from his canoli, gives Franck a pissed off look and says: "!@#$ off Frank! Can't you see I'm busy?"
The_Real Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 Man damn, some of you guys are fuggin pigs man. Carry the cum from the bed to toilet? I puked a little in my mouth when I read that. T_R
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