IDBillzFan Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 it depends. when my dad passed away i really didn't pay much attention to who came or not to the wake because it was the last thing on my mind. 650766[/snapback] You see. I'd be just the opposite. If anyone showed up at my father's wake it would be the first thing on my mind because I'd be stunned anyone would want to pay him any last respects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of BiB Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 If you have to show up in jeans do it, your presence is all that matters. I don't buy into this one. A respectful presence is what matters. Viewing hours usually give plenty of time to go home and change into something a little more appropriate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meazza Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 You see. I'd be just the opposite. If anyone showed up at my father's wake it would be the first thing on my mind because I'd be stunned anyone would want to pay him any last respects. 650990[/snapback] well at the time i was 11 so I was just shocked at what happened. There are usually hundreds of people that come to these things, especially since im in a big family so it becomes hard to keep track of who was there and who wasn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IDBillzFan Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 well at the time i was 11 so I was just shocked at what happened. There are usually hundreds of people that come to these things, especially since im in a big family so it becomes hard to keep track of who was there and who wasn't. 650999[/snapback] I was 11 when my mother died. I spent most of the time at her funeral looking at the church candles, which were bending over in the summer heat, and trying to figure out which was more unusual; the fact that it never dawned on me that candles will melt without fire, or the fact that my father was crying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meazza Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 I was 11 when my mother died. I spent most of the time at her funeral looking at the church candles, which were bending over in the summer heat, and trying to figure out which was more unusual; the fact that it never dawned on me that candles will melt without fire, or the fact that my father was crying. 651184[/snapback] sorry to hear that. personally that experience still haunts me to this day. i didn't cry and barely mourned because i wanted to be strong about it and i don't like displaying emotions like that in public. but inside i was dead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 What claptrap. You are there to honor the deceased, not to have the bereaved marvel that you took time out of your busy life and feel that they should be thankful for that. 650721[/snapback] Wow... Where did you induce that from his post?... Usually one's manner and actions would dictate how what you do is preceived. Years ago my grandfather (my grandfather never drove) should up at a funeral after working the graveyard shift on the railroad... He didn't say a word walked in with his work clothes and paid his respects and left... My father tells the story of how you couldn't believe what my grandmother's (my grandmother had parkinson's and was very ill also) sisters acted... The catty gossip that insued I was told was unbelievable. It is all how you carry yourself... And my grandfather did nothing to warrant the unecessary gosip. This happened in the 1950's... Doesn't surprise me you have these views. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 Support for survivors comes later. A wake, a funeral is to mourn the loss of the loved one. A time to in some small way, share the loss with those closer. I mean not to argue, Fez... 650751[/snapback] I agree Cincy and mean not to argue either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 I agree with you and pooj. When we had the memorial service for my dad last year just after his passing, it really wasnt about what people donated or how they looked. It was just the act that they were there. family friends we hadnt seen in years showed up and that made all the difference in the world. Showing up is what matters. Both honor the deceased, but make sure you support the living. 650759[/snapback] That is true... But, the wake is to pay final prayer to the dead. Now if the wake drags on (in typical ethincs fashion) who knows where it progresses to... So... I side with you, Fez and Pooj... But, take Cincy's way of honoring the dead first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 what i said was if you have to, do it. Of course you should dress appropriately, but if you have to chose between missing the wake because you do not have time to go home to change(for whatever reason) or missing the wake, I would always opt to show up and pay my respects I don't buy into this one. A respectful presence is what matters. Viewing hours usually give plenty of time to go home and change into something a little more appropriate. 650996[/snapback] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KD in CA Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 what i said was if you have to, do it. Of course you should dress appropriately, but if you have to chose between missing the wake because you do not have time to go home to change(for whatever reason) or missing the wake, I would always opt to show up and pay my respects 651353[/snapback] Or throw a pair of pants in the car before leaving for work in the morning and change in the parking lot. Avenger -- Sorry to hear about the loss of a child. As for the attrie, in my experience you can't overdress for a wake. Usually those in the family and very close are all in suits. Pants and shirt/blazer is fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of BiB Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 what i said was if you have to, do it. Of course you should dress appropriately, but if you have to chose between missing the wake because you do not have time to go home to change(for whatever reason) or missing the wake, I would always opt to show up and pay my respects 651353[/snapback] I agree with that, and a lot of things are situational dependant. Where you are at in the country can even make a difference, as customs are different in different places. I bring that up, because local culture can come into play, and this kind of question might be better asked of local friends or by calling the funeral director. Nothing worse than offending someone without meaning to, when one is trying to be supportive and respectful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tennesseeboy Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 Dhowing up is the the important thing, and your presence is what they appreciate. For goodness sake be sure you sign the book they have at the wake. I'm so sorry for your loss is about the shortest and nicest thing I can think of to say. It is important to be there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
X. Benedict Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 Maybe a cultural difference, but when I was young it was important to be able to hold your liquor at a wake, be good at cards, and call a cab for your parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
apuszczalowski Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 This all depends on the family and the type of Funeral. I would dress nicely (try not to wear jeans, but if you have to make sure they are a nice pair), suits are not required, but a nice shirt with a tie or a nice sweater should atleast be worn. You are there to pay your respect for the departed and show your support for teh family in their time of need. Offer the family your condolences, talk with them for a little while, talk to others Stay as long as you feel necessary. Just remember to be respectful, this is something that is hard on the family so don't make inapropriate comments. I recently went to one for a friend of mine who lost her father about a week before christmas. I had never met her father but a group of us went to one of the visitations to show support for her and her family. They were very happy we came to show our support. They tried to make it an upbeat time by playing his favorite music and had boards with pictures of him and family because that was the type of person he was. Guest were mingling and talking with others. It was time for people to come and pay their respects to the deceased and help the family get through the tough time of losing someone dear to them. They were just happy we showed up and knew they could count on us for support through the tough time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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