The Avenger Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 I am going to a wake tomorrow and having never been to one (and also not being one raised in a church), I'm not sure of the correct etiquette - thought folks here could help. The departed is the 5 year old son of some friends of ours - very tragic as he died of heart failure while on his Make a Wish trip. The family is Roman Catholic (Irish). -The visitation is from 4-8 and I am assuming that does not mean I am expected to be ther at 4pm and stay for 4 hours - what's the protocol? -What's the attire - same as a funeral (suit/tie)? -Is there any protocol for sending flowers, or am I supposed to bring anything? -Anything else I should know? Thanks for your help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffaloBud Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Visitation is like an "open house". Attend when your schedule permits. Attire is what I would call "respectful". I would say jeans and t-shirt are out. Seeing as though the child was a part of "Make-A-Wish" a donation to same would be considerate. You don't have to bring anything. Be respectful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KRC Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Visitation is like an "open house". Attend when your schedule permits. Attire is what I would call "respectful". I would say jeans and t-shirt are out. Seeing as though the child was a part of "Make-A-Wish" a donation to same would be considerate. You don't have to bring anything. Be respectful. 650512[/snapback] That pretty much covers it. Ties should be subdued, not flashy. Donations to Make a Wish or any charity associated with the child's illness are appropriate. Stay as long as your schedule permits. Some stay for only a few minutes, others stay longer. It is up to you and how close you are with the family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 having just been to my grandmothers on friday, I can lend some input, go and stay for half hour to an hour depending on how many people you begin gabbing with. Check the Obit see what they want in terms of donations, and if you so chose bring a card and stick it in the card box, there is absolutely no pressure to bring anything other than your self, that is what counts. If you have to show up in jeans do it, your presence is all that matters. I am going to a wake tomorrow and having never been to one (and also not being one raised in a church), I'm not sure of the correct etiquette - thought folks here could help. The departed is the 5 year old son of some friends of ours - very tragic as he died of heart failure while on his Make a Wish trip. The family is Roman Catholic (Irish). -The visitation is from 4-8 and I am assuming that does not mean I am expected to be ther at 4pm and stay for 4 hours - what's the protocol? -What's the attire - same as a funeral (suit/tie)? -Is there any protocol for sending flowers, or am I supposed to bring anything? -Anything else I should know? Thanks for your help. 650489[/snapback] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuckincincy Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 there is absolutely no pressure to bring anything other than your self, that is what counts. If you have to show up in jeans do it, your presence is all that matters. 650626[/snapback] What claptrap. You are there to honor the deceased, not to have the bereaved marvel that you took time out of your busy life and feel that they should be thankful for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
X. Benedict Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Try to express your condolenses to the family the best you can, don't worry too much about it coming out perfect. They will appreciate it now, and in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fezmid Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 What claptrap. You are there to honor the deceased, not to have the bereaved marvel that you took time out of your busy life and feel that they should be thankful for that. 650721[/snapback] I think you're there for support of the living more than honoring the deceased. that's my take. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meazza Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 I am going to a wake tomorrow and having never been to one (and also not being one raised in a church), I'm not sure of the correct etiquette - thought folks here could help. The departed is the 5 year old son of some friends of ours - very tragic as he died of heart failure while on his Make a Wish trip. The family is Roman Catholic (Irish). -The visitation is from 4-8 and I am assuming that does not mean I am expected to be ther at 4pm and stay for 4 hours - what's the protocol? -What's the attire - same as a funeral (suit/tie)? -Is there any protocol for sending flowers, or am I supposed to bring anything? -Anything else I should know? Thanks for your help. 650489[/snapback] dress nice, dress pants/ dark shirt. you could go as long as you want and whenever you want, just that when you walk into the hall with the deceased person, you first go pray at the coffin shortly, then give your condolences to the family that is sitting around the coffin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary M Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 If you are going to drink during the eulogy, open the can before it gets too quiet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuckincincy Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 I think you're there for support of the living more than honoring the deceased. that's my take. 650727[/snapback] Support for survivors comes later. A wake, a funeral is to mourn the loss of the loved one. A time to in some small way, share the loss with those closer. I mean not to argue, Fez... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 of course, but you are also there to support your freinds/family in thier time of despair. I was so honored and proud to see some of the people that showed up to my grandmothers wake on friday. 2nd cousins from my dads side showed up, it was my moms mom. Ex-daughters-in-law showed up or sent flowers. That made my heart swell with pride that my grandmother meant that much to so many. You get out of a wake what you want, I will get what I want out of it, and I did. What claptrap. You are there to honor the deceased, not to have the bereaved marvel that you took time out of your busy life and feel that they should be thankful for that. 650721[/snapback] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramius Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 I think you're there for support of the living more than honoring the deceased. that's my take. 650727[/snapback] I agree with you and pooj. When we had the memorial service for my dad last year just after his passing, it really wasnt about what people donated or how they looked. It was just the act that they were there. family friends we hadnt seen in years showed up and that made all the difference in the world. Showing up is what matters. Both honor the deceased, but make sure you support the living. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuckincincy Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 of course, but you are also there to support your freinds/family in thier time of despair. I was so honored and proud to see some of the people that showed up to my grandmothers wake on friday. 2nd cousins from my dads side showed up, it was my moms mom. Ex-daughters-in-law showed up or sent flowers. That made my heart swell with pride that my grandmother meant that much to so many. You get out of a wake what you want, I will get what I want out of it, and I did. 650753[/snapback] I am pleased it was so, POOJER. Bless her soul. Stuckincincy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meazza Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 I agree with you and pooj. When we had the memorial service for my dad last year just after his passing, it really wasnt about what people donated or how they looked. It was just the act that they were there. family friends we hadnt seen in years showed up and that made all the difference in the world. Showing up is what matters. Both honor the deceased, but make sure you support the living. 650759[/snapback] it depends. when my dad passed away i really didn't pay much attention to who came or not to the wake because it was the last thing on my mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Avenger Posted April 3, 2006 Author Share Posted April 3, 2006 Thanks for all the advice. You always get a diverse crowd here, so it's nice to hear what people have to offer. My main goal is not to make any major faux paux (i.e. - not realizing I was supposed to do or not do something). As for attire, I'm fine with a suit - I just didn't want to over dress if it wasn't a suit type of event (although it's always more comfortable to be overdressed than underdressed - jeans are never a good idea). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuckincincy Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Thanks for all the advice. You always get a diverse crowd here, so it's nice to hear what people have to offer. My main goal is not to make any major faux paux (i.e. - not realizing I was supposed to do or not do something). As for attire, I'm fine with a suit - I just didn't want to over dress if it wasn't a suit type of event (although it's always more comfortable to be overdressed than underdressed - jeans are never a good idea). 650864[/snapback] Such a sad thing...the death of a child. The concern you expressed in asking what was the thing to do tells much about your sorrow for the passing of that dear one. You are a man of good heart, and of dignity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Avenger Posted April 3, 2006 Author Share Posted April 3, 2006 Such a sad thing...the death of a child. The concern you expressed in asking what was the thing to do tells much about your sorrow for the passing of that dear one. You are a man of good heart, and of dignity. 650872[/snapback] I'm sad to say that my own son has the same heart condition, so this is going to be very rough for my wife and I. Although very serious, it is not common for children to suddenly die from it if they've had a good surgical outcome, but I guess you never know - just when you think everything is going well it can happen. Miracle Workers on ABC tonight will feature a story of a little boy with the same heart defect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuckincincy Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 I'm sad to say that my own son has the same heart condition, so this is going to be very rough for my wife and I. Although very serious, it is not common for children to suddenly die from it if they've had a good surgical outcome, but I guess you never know - just when you think everything is going well it can happen. Miracle Workers on ABC tonight will feature a story of a little boy with the same heart defect. 650877[/snapback] My prayers are with your son, and with you and your wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wacka Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 My father died in 1990. I don't remember what who wore or how much they gave. What I do remember is who came. I was touched that a few of my co-workers came and very mad that two cousins (a brother and sister) who lived in town didn't show. I don't know about the family who's son died, but polish families generally have a breakfast after the funeral. I got drunk at the one after my father's funeral. Really needed it after the several hectic days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meazza Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Thanks for all the advice. You always get a diverse crowd here, so it's nice to hear what people have to offer. My main goal is not to make any major faux paux (i.e. - not realizing I was supposed to do or not do something). As for attire, I'm fine with a suit - I just didn't want to over dress if it wasn't a suit type of event (although it's always more comfortable to be overdressed than underdressed - jeans are never a good idea). 650864[/snapback] the advice i gave you was for how it's done at Italian funerals. Personally though I don't think anyone notices that much. What bothers me is seeing people chit chatting like they're at a bar more than they're at a funeral. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts