erynthered Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 If you remember The Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this will bring a tear to your eyes, or not. These great questions and answers are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course. Q. Do female frogs croak? A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough. Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be? A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes. Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? A Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake. Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? A Rose Marie: No, wait until morning. Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"? A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty. Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"? A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment. Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget. Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year? A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries. Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score? A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy. Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other? A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures. Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom. Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out. Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do? A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark? Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark. Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army. Q. While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does this mean? A. George Gobel: Cattle crossing. Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it? A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected. Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth. Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant? Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him. Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? A. Charley Weaver: His feet. Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed? A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of BiB Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 LOL. Paul and Charlie. We don't have anything resembling that kind of quick comic mind anymore. I remember those. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gross Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Plenty more here, scroll down and you'll find pages of Lynde responses... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuckincincy Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 If you remember The Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, ... 613836[/snapback] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Can still hear Paul Lynde's voice giving those responses. Too funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of BiB Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Can still hear Paul Lynde's voice giving those responses. Too funny. 613853[/snapback] Lynde was the master, but you had to appreciate the deadpan of Goebbles and Wally Cox. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Lynde was the master, but you had to appreciate the deadpan of Goebbles and Wally Cox. 613857[/snapback] Forgot about Wally! Another favorite of mine was Joanne Whorley(sp?). She was a regular on match game among others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of BiB Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Forgot about Wally! Another favorite of mine was Joanne Whorley(sp?). She was a regular on match game among others. 613866[/snapback] Match game was pretty good too, because the panel was always drunk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheRocks Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 i read one time that all of Paul Lynde's responses on that show were scripted and he didn't write a single one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of BiB Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 i read one time that all of Paul Lynde's responses on that show were scripted and he didn't write a single one. 613914[/snapback] I bet you're a lot of fun at parties. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheRocks Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 I bet you're a lot of fun at parties. 613922[/snapback] This is how much fun I am: http://www.stadiumwall.com/index.php?showtopic=19044&hl= Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Match game was pretty good too, because the panel was always drunk. 613869[/snapback] Ah, the days when public intoxication was funny and profitable. In the words of Ray Davies: "Where have all the good times gone?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KRC Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Ah, the days when public intoxication was funny and profitable. 613976[/snapback] Like the Gong Show? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Like the Gong Show? 613982[/snapback] Oh the list in endless. How about the Dean Martin Show. Always had a cocktail in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plenzmd1 Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Like the Gong Show? 613982[/snapback] Give me some unknown comic and Gene gene the dancing machine any day brotha, will laugh my rear end off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of BiB Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Oh the list in endless. How about the Dean Martin Show. Always had a cocktail in one hand and a cigarette in the other. 613990[/snapback] But biting sociological and informed humor is so much funnier now. And Dean Martin had Joey Heatherton, too. Do we have any just plain laugh humor combined with gorgeous women we'd like to meet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erynthered Posted February 28, 2006 Author Share Posted February 28, 2006 This is how much fun I am: http://www.stadiumwall.com/index.php?showtopic=19044&hl= 613953[/snapback] Almost exactly a year ago. Wild. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheRocks Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 From the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson: George Gobel: "Did you ever feel like Life was a Black Tuxedo, and you were a pair of brown shoes?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IDBillzFan Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Always had a cocktail in one hand and a cigarette in the other.613990[/snapback] Funny. That's exactly how my father's second wife breastfed her children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Like the Gong Show? 613982[/snapback] And who knew that Chuck Barris was a CIA operative. Brilliant! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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