Cheeseburger_in_paradise Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 When my oldest was about 3 years old, we had taken him to Sesame Place, a 2 1/2 hour drive away. We went with another couple and their 3 year old daughter, Jackie. After a whole day in the hot sun watching them on kiddie rides, we get in the car and drive in slow motion back to Long Island. When we neared the end of our journey, we decided to stop in to Pizza hut to get some dinner and a few well deserved beers. We had settled into our table in the crowded place and waited with anticipation as the first pitcher of cold beer hit the table. The kids had decided to play house under the table, and the tablecloth provided a wonderful privacy screen. We, the adults would check on them periodically, but we just wanted some quiet to enjoy the beer and rest. After a few minutes Jackie popped out from under the table, She was mad as hell and demanding satisfaction. "Mommy, I want some gum and I want it NOW!" We said hey Jackie, no one has gum what are you asking about gum for, She points her finger at Kevin who is casually chewing gum. Everyone looked on as we asked where he got the gum, he pointed towards the underside of the table, my wife instinctivly reached out her hand to his mouth to allow him to spit it out.....(ever notice that trick, all toddlers dutifully spit it out on command?) Anyway, in his last act of defiance for the day, he just looked her straight in the eye and swallowed the chewy substance. I was gagging on my beer, as the tables who had been alerted and saw the show all either gagged along with us, or broke out into laughter. I still think that gum is working itsekf around his system 17 years later... 593291[/snapback] I was going to share an almost identical gum/restaurant story about my daughter when she was about four. Small world.
Kelly the Dog Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 Sure, you tell me this now 592994[/snapback] It may not be the most humiliating thing I have ever done but i just clicked on "now" from your post eight times wondering why i wasn't linked to another url.
CosmicBills Posted February 3, 2006 Author Posted February 3, 2006 It may not be the most humiliating thing I have ever done but i just clicked on "now" from your post eight times wondering why i wasn't linked to another url. 593442[/snapback] Sorry for the confusion. I should know better! Besides, I don't know how to hide links...I'm not hip enough to know that trick My parents took me and my brothers out to dinner one night. Don't know where exactly but it was a rather nice restaurant (well, as nice as you can get when you are totting two 6 year olds and a 1 year old). In the middle of the meal, my brother asked to go to the bathroom. He demanded to go alone...my mother agreed and stood outside the bathroom while he went into the bathroom (a small bathroom with one john sort of deal). My brother locked the door and proceeded to turn on the faucet while he answered nature's call. Next thing you know, the sink was over flowing. My mother couldn't get the door open and my brother refused to unlock it -- he was having too much fun apparently. By the time my mother finally got one of the waiters to get a key, my brother had flooded the bathroom. Needless to say we never went back to that restaurant.
Beerball Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 Busy day at work, so I'm not going to read the whold thread, hopefully someone hasn't already mentioned this one. My son, now 17, was in the process of being potty trained 15 years ago. My wife walked into the local mall, and they were cruising the kids department. Unfortunately or fortunately depending on your perspective, they had training potties on display in the store. My son was able to test drive one of the floor models.
The Dean Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 Busy day at work, so I'm not going to read the whold thread, hopefully someone hasn't already mentioned this one.My son, now 17, was in the process of being potty trained 15 years ago. My wife walked into the local mall, and they were cruising the kids department. Unfortunately or fortunately depending on your perspective, they had training potties on display in the store. My son was able to test drive one of the floor models. 593547[/snapback] Someone already told that story about your son. Good one, though.
Beerball Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 Someone already told that story about your son. Good one, though. 593564[/snapback] OK, not so busy now. Stop me if you've heard this one... Same son, different day, kindergarden actually, my wife taught 7th grade at the same school. Anyhoo, they were going through the alpahbet and someone had to raise their hand and give a word for each letter. My son raised his hand and was called on when the letter V came up. Sadly, my wife and I were never shy about discussing body parts with the young'un. He came up with a doozy.
smokinandjokin Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 I've done a lot of embarrassing/funny things, but most of them have the convienent disclaimer of drunkeness. However, one of the most embarrasing sober moments occurred on the golf course, and it was my fault. I was on the tee box late in the round, about the 16th hole, and I had been hitting the ball pretty well. There was a pond about 30 yards in front of the tee box and a little to the left, but it was not in play at all. I say "If anyone hits the ball into the pond, they play this hole bare-assed." Our foursome was me, two friends, and one of the friend's father. My friend steps up and hits a solid drive, and then I step up and jerk a groundball to the shortstop, three skips and right in the pond. Of course, these guys are all dying laughing and calling me out on my bet. I owned up to my own stupidity for even suggesting it, and threw my pants and boxers in my bag. There we were walking up the fairway, and I had a golf shirt on, shoes and socks, and that's it. The funny part was, the shirt was hanging over my "crucial" areas, but when I would swing, I was fully exposed. To make matters worse, my girlfriend's father just happened to be playing behind us throughout the round. Luckily he was a pretty good guy, and as he was coming up the 15th fairway, he saw me walking with no pants on, and he just started laughing and said "Hit it in the pond, huh?"
Guffalo Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 OK, not so busy now. Stop me if you've heard this one... Same son, different day, kindergarden actually, my wife taught 7th grade at the same school. Anyhoo, they were going through the alpahbet and someone had to raise their hand and give a word for each letter. My son raised his hand and was called on when the letter V came up. Sadly, my wife and I were never shy about discussing body parts with the young'un. He came up with a doozy. 593589[/snapback] Virility?
Beerball Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 Virility? 593679[/snapback] Well, with me as his dad that's a natural! Though I've never seen the "Virility Monologue" on HBO.
CosmicBills Posted February 3, 2006 Author Posted February 3, 2006 Though I've never seen the "Virility Monologue" on HBO. 593701[/snapback] That's because that sort of show is usually found on Skin-o-max.
linksfiend Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 Just heard this one from my sister-in-law. She recently taught my 3.5 year old nephew the proper medical term for his dangle down. Well at play group at the local community center, they're doing the hokey pokey, and he busts out with: "You put your p---- in" "You pull your p---- out"
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