A little humor

[30dive]

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now

living in the United States, and said,

"Once again, the earth has become wicked and

over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh

before me.

 

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing

along with a few good humans."

 

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6

months to build the Ark before I will start

the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

 

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah

weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

 

"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where

is the Ark?"

 

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have

changed. I needed a building permit. I've

been arguing with the inspector about the need for a

sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that

I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building

the Ark in my yard and exceeding the

height limitations. We had to go to the Development

Appeal Board for a decision.

 

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond

be posted for the future costs of moving

power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear

the passage for the Ark's move to the

sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us,

but they would hear nothing of it.

 

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on

cutting local trees in order to save the

spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists

that I needed the wood to save the owls

- but no go!

 

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights

group sued me.

 

They insisted that I was confining wild animals

against their will. They argued the

accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel

and inhumane to put so many animals in a

confined space.

 

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until

they'd conducted an environmental impact

study on your proposed flood.

 

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human

Rights Commission on how many minorities

I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

 

Immigration and Naturalization is checking the

green-card status of most of the people who want

to work.

 

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist

I have to hire only Union workers with

Ark-building experience.

 

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,

claiming I'm trying to leave the country

illegally with endangered species.

 

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10

years for me to finish this Ark."

 

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,

and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're

not going to destroy the world?"

 

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

[stuckincincy]

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

582063[/snapback]

 

[30dive]

And you were able to quote just a little part of it...Wonders!

[Beerball]

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now

living in the United States, and said,

"Once again, the earth has become wicked and

over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh

before me.

 

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing

along with a few good humans."

 

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6

months to build the Ark before I will start

the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

 

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah

weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

 

"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where

is the Ark?"

 

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have

changed. I needed a building permit. I've

been arguing with the inspector about the need for a

sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that

I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building

the Ark in my yard and exceeding the

height limitations. We had to go to the Development

Appeal Board for a decision.

 

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond

be posted for the future costs of moving

power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear

the passage for the Ark's move to the

sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us,

but they would hear nothing of it.

 

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on

cutting local trees in order to save the

spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists

that I needed the wood to save the owls

- but no go!

 

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights

group sued me.

 

They insisted that I was confining wild animals

against their will. They argued the

accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel

and inhumane to put so many animals in a

confined space.

 

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until

they'd conducted an environmental impact

study on your proposed flood.

 

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human

Rights Commission on how many minorities

I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

 

Immigration and Naturalization is checking the

green-card status of most of the people who want

to work.

 

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist

I have to hire only Union workers with

Ark-building experience.

 

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,

claiming I'm trying to leave the country

illegally with endangered species.

 

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10

years for me to finish this Ark."

 

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,

and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're

not going to destroy the world?"

 

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

582063[/snapback]

Damn, that was long.

[Fezmid]

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now

living in the United States, and said,

"Once again, the earth has become wicked and

over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh

before me.

 

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing

along with a few good humans."

 

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6

months to build the Ark before I will start

the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

 

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah

weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

 

"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where

is the Ark?"

 

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have

changed. I needed a building permit. I've

been arguing with the inspector about the need for a

sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that

I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building

the Ark in my yard and exceeding the

height limitations. We had to go to the Development

Appeal Board for a decision.

 

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond

be posted for the future costs of moving

power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear

the passage for the Ark's move to the

sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us,

but they would hear nothing of it.

 

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on

cutting local trees in order to save the

spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists

that I needed the wood to save the owls

- but no go!

 

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights

group sued me.

 

They insisted that I was confining wild animals

against their will. They argued the

accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel

and inhumane to put so many animals in a

confined space.

 

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until

they'd conducted an environmental impact

study on your proposed flood.

 

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human

Rights Commission on how many minorities

I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

 

Immigration and Naturalization is checking the

green-card status of most of the people who want

to work.

 

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist

I have to hire only Union workers with

Ark-building experience.

 

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,

claiming I'm trying to leave the country

illegally with endangered species.

 

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10

years for me to finish this Ark."

 

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,

and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're

not going to destroy the world?"

 

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

582063[/snapback]

Damn, that was long.

582097[/snapback]

 

No kidding....

CW

[30dive]

Now that's humor!!!!!

[Crap Throwing Monkey]

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now

living in the United States, and said,

"Once again, the earth has become wicked and

over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh

before me.

 

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing

along with a few good humans."

 

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6

months to build the Ark before I will start

the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

 

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah

weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

 

"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where

is the Ark?"

 

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have

changed. I needed a building permit. I've

been arguing with the inspector about the need for a

sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that

I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building

the Ark in my yard and exceeding the

height limitations. We had to go to the Development

Appeal Board for a decision.

 

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond

be posted for the future costs of moving

power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear

the passage for the Ark's move to the

sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us,

but they would hear nothing of it.

 

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on

cutting local trees in order to save the

spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists

that I needed the wood to save the owls

- but no go!

 

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights

group sued me.

 

They insisted that I was confining wild animals

against their will. They argued the

accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel

and inhumane to put so many animals in a

confined space.

 

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until

they'd conducted an environmental impact

study on your proposed flood.

 

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human

Rights Commission on how many minorities

I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

 

Immigration and Naturalization is checking the

green-card status of most of the people who want

to work.

 

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist

I have to hire only Union workers with

Ark-building experience.

 

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,

claiming I'm trying to leave the country

illegally with endangered species.

 

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10

years for me to finish this Ark."

 

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,

and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're

not going to destroy the world?"

 

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

582063[/snapback]

 

I'm just quoting this to !@#$ with Lori's cell phone bill.