Stall talker

[smokinandjokin]

I was out hitting the bottle pretty hard last night. I met a good pal of mine at the local saloon around 8pm, and our plan was to watch the first period of the hockey game, which started at 10. Needless to say, we were still firmly planted at our barstools deep into the post-game show. I just ate lunch at work, and it must have gotten things moving around, because I rapidly felt the urge to "drop the Cosby kids off at the pool." I know this will be a doozy, coming off the five hours of Molson Canadian draft last night.

 

There are four stalls in the men's room, and I hop in to the furthest one down. There's a guy already sitting at the second one down. As I prepare to do the business, I hear a "Hey, how's it goin?"

 

I don't know if this guy is talking on a cell phone or what, so I say, "Are you talking to me?" He says, "Yeah, how's it goin?"

 

I replied with some lame answer like, "I dunno, pretty good I guess. I mean, it's Friday, right?"

 

So this guy proceeds to talk my ear off for the entire duration of my dump...Asking me questions like "What department do you work in" and stuff like that. The hilarious part was that I was a little "gun shy" at first if you know what I mean. But then I just went for it and really dominated the men's room. This dude continued the conversation, even through all my tooting.

 

Then he got up, flushed and told me to have a nice weekend, and that was it. I never saw his face or anything. I walked out of the bathroom laughing pretty good. I've never experienced a stall talker like that before.

 

I posted a few months ago about how I cut the cheese in a meeting, so sorry for the repeat in bathroom humor. Just thought I'd share that one for some of the other low-brow crew on the board. I know I thought it was rediculously strange and hilarious at the same time. The last thing I expected when I sat down was the ole "Hey, how's it goin" line.

[taterhill]

The hilarious part was that I was a little "gun shy" at first if you know what I mean.  But then I just went for it and really dominated the men's room. 

575590[/snapback]

did you get a look athis shoes..you can match them up later, walking around the office

[Beerball]

Just thought I'd share that one for some of the other low-brow crew on the board.  I know I thought it was rediculously strange and hilarious at the same time.  The last thing I expected when I sat down was the ole "Hey, how's it goin" line.

575590[/snapback]

CTM thanks you.

[smokinandjokin]

    did you get a look athis shoes..you can match them up later, walking around the office

575601[/snapback]

 

Nah, I couldn't even see his shoes because there was an empty stall in between us. The last thing I wanted to do was lean down and sneak a peek over there. For all I know, we would have done it at the same time and stared each other in the eye!

[Pete]

[HopsGuy]

One time a freakishly tall dude (~6' 7") was heading into the stall next to my colleague. He looked down at him and said hello. My buddy said that the experience bound him up for a week.

 

[The Poojer]

oh man, I hate satll talkers, I want to take the Browns to the Super Bowl by myself, with no interruptions

 

 

I was out hitting the bottle pretty hard last night.  I met a good pal of mine at the local saloon around 8pm, and our plan was to watch the first period of the hockey game, which started at 10.  Needless to say, we were still firmly planted at our barstools deep into the post-game show.  I just ate lunch at work, and it must have gotten things moving around, because I rapidly felt the urge to "drop the Cosby kids off at the pool."  I know this will be a doozy, coming off the five hours of Molson Canadian draft last night.

 

There are four stalls in the men's room, and I hop in to the furthest one down.  There's a guy already sitting at the second one down.  As I prepare to do the business, I hear a "Hey, how's it goin?"

 

I don't know if this guy is talking on a cell phone or what, so I say, "Are you talking to me?"  He says, "Yeah, how's it goin?"

 

I replied with some lame answer like, "I dunno, pretty good I guess.  I mean, it's Friday, right?"

 

So this guy proceeds to talk my ear off for the entire duration of my dump...Asking me questions like "What department do you work in" and stuff like that.  The hilarious part was that I was a little "gun shy" at first if you know what I mean.  But then I just went for it and really dominated the men's room.  This dude continued the conversation, even through all my tooting. 

 

Then he got up, flushed and told me to have a nice weekend, and that was it.  I never saw his face or anything.  I walked out of the bathroom laughing pretty good.  I've never experienced a stall talker like that before.

 

I posted a few months ago about how I cut the cheese in a meeting, so sorry for the repeat in bathroom humor.  Just thought I'd share that one for some of the other low-brow crew on the board.  I know I thought it was rediculously strange and hilarious at the same time.  The last thing I expected when I sat down was the ole "Hey, how's it goin" line.

575590[/snapback]

[The Tomcat]

He was probably masterbating!!!

[Mile High]

You should've responded back to him in the Buffalo Bob voice form Silence of the Lambs.

[Dante]

Thanks for the post. This is the "slice of life" type of offerings that I really enjoy. Hillarious . Kinda funny. Last night I was watching the 4th season of the Man Show dvd and one of the skits was Kimmel annoying fellow washroom users by talking to them.

[X. Benedict]

There are three basic tactics to counter the stall talker:

 

1) Excuse yourself by insisting that you need to bear down to with all your might to release the alien spacecraft.

 

If this doesn't work,

 

2) Fake the cell phone call

 

and if that doesn't do it...

 

3) Start singing Tom Jones "She's a Lady" at the top of your lungs

 

 

Be prepared next time, as they say, a good road dump is worth two at home.

[EndZoneCrew]

I had a buddy in college who would pop in our dorm rooms to ask us if we had to deuce so he would have someone to talk to!

[X. Benedict]

I had a buddy in college who would pop in our dorm rooms to ask us if we had to deuce so he would have someone to talk to! 

575856[/snapback]

still buddies?

[ajzepp]

I think the best depiction in film of the stall talker was in the first Austin Powers flick.....Tom Arnold had me in stitches!

 

"Who.....does.....number.....two ......WORK.....for" (splashing and grunting)

 

"That's right, buddy.....you show that terd who's boss!"

[EndZoneCrew]

still buddies?

575869[/snapback]

 

I have seen him once since I graduated......He was from Scarborough, Ont.

[Mile High]

What's worse than this is when someone is trying to carry on a conversation with you at a urnal. Especially if the dude thinks he has to make eye contact with you the whole time.

[CoachChuckDickerson]

I'm no expert in the field but if some dude you don't know starts chattin it up next to you, I think the rules of engagement allow you to have a free look see over the wall to see who the hell you're dealing with.

[IDBillzFan]

I've never had that happen to me, but I have to say that if I was in the can and someone guy started talking to me from an adjacent stall, I'm make sure there weren't any waste-high holes in the wall.

[LabattBlue]

One time a freakishly tall dude (~6' 7") was heading into the stall next to my colleague.  He looked down at him and said hello.  My buddy said that the experience bound him up for a week.

 

575653[/snapback]

Verry funny! Ooops...I think this is funny, but who am I to judge.

[/dev/null]

reminds me of a guy at work.

 

if you're unlucky enough to be in the bathroom the same time he's taking a dump, you'll hear a play by play. and if you catch him on his way out of the bathroom he'll give you a postgame review :P