Johnny Coli Posted April 26, 2006 Share Posted April 26, 2006 Here we go with the round of six. I’m fresh off a weekend marathon of Veronica Mars Season One, so I’m chock full of hardboiled adolescent Storm and Stress (snaps for G. Stanley Hall). Body type angst and feelings of alienation aside, it’s Andrea Bocelli night on American Idol. That’s two blind singing coaches this season if you’re keeping track at home. We can be sure Ray Charles isn’t going to white-cane-it through that door under his own power, but Jose Feliciano can be had if the Border Militia lets him over the fence and we are willing to sit through sixty minutes of Feliz Navidad covers. Aquí vamos… Right out of the gate and it’s really David Foster night… Andrea Bocelli is just along for the sight-gags. The Idols get slapped across the face during vocal warm-ups, and we see that the guy who scored St. Elmo’s Fire and ran down Ben Vareen isn’t going to go easy on these six wannabes. Oh baby, David Foster night is gonna be sweet. To hammer home that Idol is driven by cell-phone data, Seacrest announces that each contestant gets two phone numbers now. The producers have clearly over-estimated the ambidexterity of today’s youth, and a voting controversy looms on the horizon. I am on the edge of my uncomfortable office chair (my wife gets the cushy couch and the big TV for Rory, Lorelai and a hospitalized Logan, while I get the cramped office and the crappy set until the season ends). Stay tuned… Katharine McPhee “I have nothing”. Katherine is going with a song written by David Foster for the crack whore Whitney Houston. I’m lucky enough to have never heard her version, so it’s going to fall on a fresh set of ears. Yowza! McFunbags, indeed! She is in another freaking league than these other clowns, and she looks fab tonight. My only critique is that I would have worn a thong in that dress, but other than her poor choice of unmentionables, she kicked “butt.” The judges don’t agree, and it looks like it’s “Tear down Katherine” night on Idol. I’d actually vote to show them I think they’re full of crap, but the new two number system has me and my can of PBR confused. C’est la McVie. Elliot Yamin. “A song for you” by Donnie Hathaway. Foster seemed a bit ambivalent on Elliot, and Andrea sat there and collected his paycheck. (Who let Kevin Nealon in?!? Get back in the kitchen and grab another tray of canapés, Kevin. You got time to lean, you got time to clean.) I thought it was another lackluster Elliot performance, but the judges were freaking out. Paula was crying hysterically, and couldn’t form words. Randy was “diggin’ it dog.” Simon trotted out the “You’re the best male vocalist we’ve ever had” line. I’m speechless, too, but it’s because I’m dumbfounded as to what they’re watching and listening to. It must be the lousy television setup I have (Damn you, Gilmore Girls and your pop-culture smaltz!). Anyway, the Yaminiacs will have to bust a move on their cells this week, because despite the high praise from the three monkeys judging this thing, he’s in trouble every Wednesday. Kellie Pickler. “Unchained Melody” Pickler gets the pre-song Seacrest interview and we find out she’s just a lonely single country gal longing to find someone to do pottery with. A shameless attempt to pull our heartstrings from the pretend-stupid untalented fake blonde. David Foster’s facial expression said it all when she opened her mouth during rehearsals and tried to do the song without the “money-note” that everyone expects to hear. “You mean I have to sing (bat eye lashes).” She was doomed from the get-go, because the “cute” naïve blonde shtick was bound to bomb when confronted with a blind guy and an actual music producer. As predicted by all, her version of “Unchained Melody” was a three minute long unhinged shriek. And also predicted by all, she attempted the “Gosh, I’m sorry for sucking” routine again. But like the “I’m with stupid” T-shirts her cheering section wore and these tedious reviews I continue to write, the joke’s gotten old. The judges squashed her like a June-bug, and Seacrest had to step in to end the bloodbath. This could be it for Pickler, but probably won’t because this has nothing to do with talent. Paris Bennett. “The way we were” Paris chooses the Babs Streisand title track from the 1973 Sydney Pollack classic movie of the same name. Choosing a song from a movie about a snake-bit romance between a Jewish commie and a sitcom writer would usually get high praise from someone like me. But I don’t like Little Miss Thing even a tiny bit, so I went to the kitchen for an oatmeal cookie. Taylor Hicks. “Just once” James Ingram Foster said Hicks has “charisma.” You say “charisma”, I say “po-tah-toe” with silver hair. Hicks hits the stage in a black velvet suit with a red pocket hanky, and immediately goes into his clenched buttocks stance. (Tori Spelling cameo shot!!!!!!) I’m not feeling it tonight, and neither were the judges. He’s safe and the Soul Patrol will twist and jerk lamely on for another week. Chris Daughtry. “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman” by Bryan Adams. Foster and Bocelli got him to sing lying on his back, a trick that wasn’t lost on The Dumb One That Can’t Sing. Chris did an adequate job (ie I was bored), and the monkeys sure dug him. Paula was hopping around like a sugared-up cheerleader. Despite the AI producers screwing with the viewers and placing him in the bottom two last week, he’s most likely safe. The Bottom Dwellers: I’ve been consistently wrong all season, and the producers have been toying with us, but I’ll say Elliot and Paris bottom out this week, much like these exercises in futility I’m calling reviews. Elliot goes. Or Paris…or Pickler…or…. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajzepp Posted April 26, 2006 Share Posted April 26, 2006 Here we go with the round of six. I’m fresh off a weekend marathon of Veronica Mars Season One 670886[/snapback] Fezmid got me watching that a while back....I actually really enjoyed it for the most part. There were a couple of goofy teenie-bopper moments here and there, but I guess that's to be expected. I thought it was pretty well done overall! Great review, as usual! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoodBye Posted April 26, 2006 Share Posted April 26, 2006 I thought both Katherine and Kelly were bad last night...sorry guys. I think you may have been a little too distracted with her outfit to really hear her. I think Kelly will be voted out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajzepp Posted April 26, 2006 Share Posted April 26, 2006 I thought both Katherine and Kelly were bad last night...sorry guys. I think you may have been a little too distracted with her outfit to really hear her. I think Kelly will be voted out. 670936[/snapback] I was too busy looking at what was under her outfit to really be paying attention to it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoodBye Posted April 26, 2006 Share Posted April 26, 2006 I was too busy looking at what was under her outfit to really be paying attention to it 670952[/snapback] Why am I not surprised. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Vader Posted April 26, 2006 Share Posted April 26, 2006 LanaK6 Posted Today, 10:59 AM I thought both Katherine and Kelly were bad last night...sorry guys. I think you may have been a little too distracted with her outfit to really hear her. I think Kelly will be voted out. I was looking and listening and I still thought Katharine was one of the better performances last night. Oh well, obviously people hear it differently from others. Case in point: How I heard Katharine(thought she was great) as opposed to the judges, and how I heard Elliott(thought he was fair) as opposed to the judges. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inkman Posted April 26, 2006 Share Posted April 26, 2006 I usually don't 100% agree with evrything the judges say but tonight I 100% DISAGREED with everything they said. Paula was flat out embarassing. I turned off my TV twice as a direct result of her actions. I was never completely sold on the fact that this show is not legit but I am now. The judges inexplicable tearing down of good performances and Chris and Katherine both being in the bottom three in recent weeks has me thoroughly convinced that the show is riggged. That being said, I could care less either way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rico Posted April 27, 2006 Author Share Posted April 27, 2006 Damn. My dream finale of Spazz vs. Pickler is shattered AND Tootie is still around. Oh well, Fat !@#$ finished 5th last year, guess that's a good time for her to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WWVaBeach Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 What's the theme tonight? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of BiB Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 What's the theme tonight? 681193[/snapback] Polkas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nick in* england Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 What's the theme tonight? 681193[/snapback] 2 songs: one from the year of their birth and another from this weeks Billboard Top 10. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WWVaBeach Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Polkas. 681197[/snapback] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rico Posted May 3, 2006 Author Share Posted May 3, 2006 Greatest Spazz ever!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BILLS4LIFE Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 Say goodbye to Paris! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajzepp Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 Greatest Spazz ever!!! 681897[/snapback] He was all over the place tonight, lol. McPhee was HORRIBLE in her first song but loved the second.....damn she's hot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buffaloboyinATL Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 He was all over the place tonight, lol. McPhee was HORRIBLE in her first song but loved the second.....damn she's hot 682164[/snapback] Amen, I loved her second performance. I had never heard the song before but I liked her version. I also liked the way she looked while she sang. I noticed that Simon apologized for dissing her last week, I thought she did better than they said. I think Paris is finally gone... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajzepp Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 Amen, I loved her second performance. I had never heard the song before but I liked her version. I also liked the way she looked while she sang. I noticed that Simon apologized for dissing her last week, I thought she did better than they said. I think Paris is finally gone... 682360[/snapback] I think she's starin' at the fork, too......She's a cutie, and very talented, but she's not the best singer in this group. McPhee and Daughtry are both much better, IMO. The artist who has that second McPhee song as a top 40 hit currently was featured on Star 94 as "The Next Big Thing" the other day. It's a catchy little number. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rico Posted May 3, 2006 Author Share Posted May 3, 2006 I predict the bottom 3 are Elliott, McFunbags, and Fake Ass Tootie, and Tootie is finally gone. I also predict that (unless the final results are fixed) our next American Idol will be The Spazz! YES!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KRC Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 I predict the bottom 3 are Elliott, McFunbags, and Fake Ass Tootie,and Tootie is finally gone. I also predict that (unless the final results are fixed) our next American Idol will be The Spazz! YES!!! 682528[/snapback] I do not think that the producers will let Spazz in the final two. It will be Chris and McFunbags. Tootie will be gone this week. Then Elliot. Then Spazz and then Chris, leaving McFunbags as the winner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rico Posted May 3, 2006 Author Share Posted May 3, 2006 I do not think that the producers will let Spazz in the final two. It will be Chris and McFunbags. Tootie will be gone this week. Then Elliot. Then Spazz and then Chris, leaving McFunbags as the winner. 682538[/snapback] Ever check out DialIdol.com? It's getting to be like CNN or Fox News on election night! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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