The OFFICIAL American Idol 2006 Thread

[UB2SF]

Katherine McFunbags is safe.  Insert your own joke about being taped in.

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This isn't a joke, but a question: was it just my (vivid) imagination, or after discussing being taped in, did she do a little jiggle and say something about feeling "free"?

 

[ajzepp]

This isn't a joke, but a question: was it just my (vivid) imagination, or after discussing being taped in, did she do a little jiggle and say something about feeling "free"?

 

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yes.....yes she did

[slothrop]

yes.....yes she did 

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And I am very thankful - I can't wait for her to fail and go into porn.

[Live&DieBillsFootball]

Wow, pretty dull show.  Not much to work with, but it’s a two-hour show on FOX, so there’s always something to take a shot at.

 

First up, a quick note to FOX.  The first hour of this show is in prime time, with small, easily frightened children and large, easily sickened adults watching.  I question your judgment in showing Mandisa’s bloated, bruised, tree-trunk ankles at 8:15PM.  Once is a mistake (last week), but twice is a pattern, and I would expect a warning, if not an outright fine from the FCC. Consider yourselves on notice.

 

On to “ManDiva.”  In these heavy,  post 9-11 times, I think we tend to throw the term “diva” around too much.  You see, the road to becoming a “diva” has several significant stops along the way, stops that are critical in order to be given the tin-foil crown.  First, you have to have a couple hit songs.  Then you have to re-invent yourself as a skank, abuse controlled substances, delve into hip-hop, and finally become a fat cartoon beloved by hairdressers all across the world.  For some crazy reason, Mandisa has been allowed to skip right over all the tabloid stuff and has been anointed “Man-Diva” by FOX.  Well, I’m not buying it, and neither is the guy that does my wife’s hair.  “Do you think I look fat in these pants, Johnny?”  And there you have it. 

 

Bucky, Bucky, Bucky.  You are totally screwed this week, buddy.  The band totally abandoned you (anyone else notice their half-assed effort?).  Manilow was too horrified to arrange your song.  Simon all but begged America not to vote for you.  Paula’s drugs hadn’t kicked in yet, so you didn’t even get the manic rambling that usually fights it’s way out of her botox-addled mouth.  And yet, every minute you’re not back painting cars is probably a victory for you.  Enjoy the ride and enjoy your last afternoon in the cement pond.

 

Paris Bennet.  I’m not a big fan of watching a 17 year old black Shirley Temple (or a Shirley Temple Black, for that matter) sing a sultry, smolderingly sexy song.    Surreal song choice aside (how’s that for alliteration), she’s got a good voice, and a bubbly personality that will keep her around.  I hate her.

 

Chris Daughty, you are absolutely tempting fate now.  Your stock can only go down.  You know how in haunted house movies there’s usually a deep voice shouting “Get Out Now!”, but it usually turns out to be a harmless weird guy living in the basement that just wants to continue to grow his weed without intruders bugging him?  Well, that weirdo is Bo Bice, and he’s screaming at you, Chris, because he’s seen how this movie ends. Run for the exit like your career depends on it.

 

Katherine McFunbags is safe.  Insert your own joke about being taped in.

 

One trick pony alert!!!!!

This means you, Taylor Hicks.  What the hell was that crap?  We no longer find your seizures entertaining.  We no longer find your “I got grey hair and soul” shtick endearing.  You are safe because there are plenty of people that enjoy classic rock.  How long they will tolerate your talent-less gyrations is beyond me.  I’m still shocked people listen to that stale garbage, so I won’t be shocked when you last a few more weeks.

 

Lisa Tucker.  Just because it was 50s night didn’t mean you had to morph into a black Annette Funicello complete with khaki capri pants.  We would have bought the joke had you worn the mouse ears, but because you didn’t go the extra mile we were just embarrassed and uncomfortable for you.  You could be going home.

 

Speaking of uncomfortable…Kevin Covais.

Have you ever been eating lunch and glanced around at the other tables and seen an overweight woman eating her lunch, the lunch that she has brought to work in a Victoria’s Secret bag?  There are too many images that hit you, both tangible and imagined, that make you uncomfortable and interfere with your ability to enjoy your meal. Kevin Covais is that overweight woman eating a banana out of her Victoria’s Secret bag, and America is forced to watch.  That is uncomfortable, and by God that is punk rock.  America will vote for him because they want to see what he’s going to do next.  America will vote for him because they want to see what that overweight woman is going to pull out of that Victoria’s Secret bag when she finishes her banana.  And that my friends, will bring down corporate rock and roll.  Kevin Covais is an unstoppable force.  Simon Cowell is petrified of him and he’s petrified of what’s in his bag.  We already know there’s not a shred of talent in there, and that’s why we want to see him go on.

 

Paying a guy with a mohawk to sit in your cheering section is too little, too late, Elliot.  Pretty weak attempt to sway the punks, man.  Pretty damn weak. 

 

The Pickler.  No one can be that dumb.  We actually saw light bend around our TV last night when she opened her mouth.  Her vortex of stupidity gets stronger every week, and I’m thinking about tying myself to the couch if she goes on in this competition so I don’t get sucked into the wormhole forming in my living room.  (Look, I clearly ran out of “dumb” analogies for this Pickler section, but cut me some freaking slack here.)

 

I’ll let my wife add her thoughts on Ace Young. 

“Ace Young must die.”

Gee-zus!  Don’t pull any punches honey.  Holy cow!

Bucky and Lisa Tucker are neck-and-neck in the race to LAX and out of town.  My pick?  I think the cars in Rockingham, SC are going to have to make do with another week of primer.  Lisa Tucker goes.

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The only reason that I watch the show is so that I can come here and read your take on it and LMAO!

[BILLS4LIFE]

CYA Chicken Little!!!

[Mark Vader]

Wow, I was way off on my prediction. I do not know how Lisa survived this week.

Kevin was going to go anyway, but he should have stuck around for a couple more weeks IMO.

 

My current standings:

 

1.Chris

2.Katharine

3.Paris

4.Taylor

5.Kelly

6.Mandisa

7.Elliot

8.Bucky

9.Ace

10.Lisa

[inkman]

And I am very thankful - I can't wait for her to fail and go into porn.

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Not that I know her personally, but if anyone goes into porn it will be that skank Pickler, not McFunnbags.

[Johnny Coli]

Well, well, well. Corporate Rock and Roll has spoken, and spoken loudly. Does anybody really believe that Covais got the least amount of votes? You’re telling me both Bucky and Lisa Funicello have more fans than Co-vicious? Is Katherine Harris moonlighting for FOX during her improbable Senate bid?

 

We shouldn’t be surprised by this turn of events. The Corporate Weasels could never let someone as dangerous and unpredictable (a ticking bomb, if you will) like Covais get anywhere near the finals. We should have seen this coming Tuesday night when Cowell refrained from taking a shot at our Anti-Hero. His smirk and patronizing comments should have set off the blue K-Mart strobes in our heads. But, we got complacent. We got lax. And in the end, we got hosed. I don’t know about you, but I hoisted a beer high over my head last night, and toasted our improbable revolutionary. His insurrection may have ended on the shores of The Bay of Pigs (the Bay of Melissa’s?), but make no mistake, Corporate Rock was served notice. Corporate Rock was scared silly. But Corporate Rock won this round.

 

As for the rest of the show….

Barry Manilow can still bring it. Wow. His freakish visage is distorted by years of plastic surgery, both successful in spots and totally botched in others, but the “man” has still got a set of pipes. In a frighteningly surreal moment, FOX brought back Victor/Victoria and actually let him up on stage, to the obvious horror of Barry. There used to be a cab driver here in Boston (Loserville) many years ago, who sold “stuff” out of his taxi, but that has nothing to do with this narrative. He was a huge Manilow fan, and regaled us once with a story from the late 70s (or it could have been the early 80s, I can’t remember the specifics…who the hell are you to judge me?), when Barry came to town. This was around the time Barry was doing commercials for McDonalds. The cab driver hated Barry, and went to the show to throw a Big Mac up on the stage. He said that when he tossed it, Barry watched it sail through the air and bounce off his piano, never blinking an eye, and never interrupting his song. The bouncers pounced on the cab driver, dragged him outside, and it was while they were beating the crap out of him in the alley behind the Orpheum that he had an epiphany, and realized Barry was the greatest showman to ever grace a stage. And he proved it last night when Victor/Victoria accosted him on live TV, in front of millions of people. No doubt a restraining order is in the works today, but last night Barry acted like the consummate showman he is, and didn’t allow it to besmirch an otherwise inspirational television moment.

 

Anyway, ten folks left. Lastly…Hey, Pickler. You’re not fooling anyone any more. Even a total idiot would know what “ballsy” means. You’ve taken the act too far, and it’s guaranteed to backfire. We know a legitimate moron when we listen to Bucky. No doubt years of painting cars without a mask on have left little more than his brainstem functioning, but at least he’s the real deal.

[ChevyVanMiller]

ajzepp, I agree that Chris' version was very good, and I too thought it was original, until I heard this version, recorded by Live a couple of years ago.  This is the second time in 2 weeks that Chris performed a remake of an original.  This is a creative way of avoiding being stumped by the genre shows but at least last week he credited the Chili Peppers.  I attached a link to the mp3 which worked earlier but for some reason is acting up now.  Hopefully it will work. 

http://www.soulpatrolshirts.com/media/walktheline.mp3

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Thanks for the link. I feel so cheated. I was heaping praise on Chris for having the ability to rework a song with such wonderful results. That ability is something that AI has never found in a competitor. I guess they still haven't.

 

Instead of the next Joe Walsh, CD is looking more like the next Joe Biden.

[rockpile]

Wow, 469 posts!

 

I have not seen American Idol this year but just read the last 20 or so posts, just to see what was going on. It's not my thing, but obviously a LOT of you are enjoying it!

[The Dean]

Instead of the next Joe Walsh, CD is looking more like the next Joe Biden.

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[Acantha]

Thanks for the link. I feel so cheated. I was heaping praise on Chris for having the ability to rework a song with such wonderful results. That ability is something that AI has never found in a competitor. I guess they still haven't.

 

Instead of the next Joe Walsh, CD is looking more like the next Joe Biden.

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I though it was amazing that he was able to do that. Now that we see he didn't, it turns out not to be such a big deal. But in his defense, the real reason I thought it was amazing was because he was able to do it in 1 week. Couldn't really expect someone to not only figure out how to change a song like that, but actually be able to sing it live in one week.

 

And BTW...I can't believe all you bastards jumped on my McPhee train. Just cause she finally started showing her stuff...

Not only that...but now everyone is turning on Pickler too? Bunch of Johnny-come-lately's!!!

[nick in* england]

well no, I take that back, I get to look at Katherine McPhee during the show. 

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Hot hot hot. She truly rocks.

[Ghost of BiB]

I was channel surfing last night, and came across the "American Idol Extra" show last night. For those of you who are fans, is there really that much of a following that people get wired into their wardrobe and such? Are people going out and buying clothes based on who their favorite AI contestant is?

 

This isn't a typical BiB attack, it's an honest question. Makes for an interesting dynamic of our culture.

[buffaloboyinATL]

I was channel surfing last night, and came across the "American Idol Extra" show last night. For those of you who are fans, is there really that much of a following that people get wired into their wardrobe and such? Are people going out and buying clothes based on who their favorite AI contestant is?

 

This isn't a typical BiB attack, it's an honest question. Makes for an interesting dynamic of our culture.

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My wife bought a t-shirt with headphones on it that she saw Elliott wearing on one of the shows. She didn't go and search for it, she just saw it in the store, liked it and bought it. Thank God she didn't get a Mandissa Muumuu.

[bobblehead]

This show is difficult to watch this year. It's hard to keep up with everything the kids are into these days.

 

And this is going to come off as totally f-ing wack, but in my observation, if Paris was male, she would wear a wife-beater and kick all the other contestants in the face.

 

Sorry, no reason, I just get that vibe, man. I know Necky Snaggletoothington is supposed to be the this year's Bo Bolton, but that Paris guy just has this goon thing working on me. I know she's a chick and all, but I gotta believe that Paris owes somebody child support. That's all I really have to offer you, I do miss SuperNanny though, she's hot. Thank you for your time.

[Rico]

That show was brutal. I really hope they are not getting Hicks to tone down his tard routine, cause he's awful without it. And Paris reminds me more & more of Mantasia every week, especially in the way they are pimping her...only thing missing is the "yeah yeah yeahs".... can't wait to see her sent home. Other than a few of Simon's slams, ZERO entertainment.

[HurlyBurly51]

Wow, I was way off on my prediction. I do not know how Lisa survived this week.

Kevin was going to go anyway, but he should have stuck around for a couple more weeks IMO.

 

My current standings:

 

1.Chris

2.Katharine

3.Paris

4.Taylor

5.Kelly

6.Mandisa

7.Elliot

8.Bucky

9.Ace

10.Lisa

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Bad show tonight. I'll go against the grain based on your rankings. I think the bottom three tomorrow, based on tonights performance, should be:

 

Kelly

Mandisa

Elliot

 

You could throw Ace in there too. Not that I'm saying the others were great, because they weren't, but those three were the most appalling to me. I also would like the judges to get off Lisa's case. It reeks of trying to rig the votes, and they don't like her for some reason.

 

Anyways, with all that said, it'll probably be between the two regulars in the bottom three with Lisa and Bucky battling it out.

[Albany,n.y.]

Bad show tonight.  I'll go against the grain based on your rankings.  I think the bottom three tomorrow, based on tonights performance, should be:

 

Kelly

Mandisa

Elliot

 

You could throw Ace in there too.  Not that I'm saying the others were great, because they weren't, but those three were the most appalling to me.  I also would like the judges to get off Lisa's case.  It reeks of trying to rig the votes, and they don't like her for some reason.

 

Anyways, with all that said, it'll probably be between the two regulars in the bottom three with Lisa and Bucky battling it out.

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Pretty brutal tonight. Lisa, Bucky & Ace probable bottom 3. Bucky has more lives than Scott from last year. When the band drowned out Bucky's voice it was possibly his low point. Still, he'll probably survive over Lisa. I liked Lisa in the beginning but I think the pressure is affecting her performances-she's getting worse every week. One more thing-someone needs to pass "Mandisa's Law" banning women with butts that big from wearing jeans.

[ajzepp]

That show was brutal. I really hope they are not getting Hicks to tone down his tard routine, cause he's awful without it. And Paris reminds me more & more of Mantasia every week, especially in the way they are pimping her...only thing missing is the "yeah yeah yeahs".... can't wait to see her sent home. Other than a few of Simon's slams, ZERO entertainment.

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This was the first time this season that I didn't like any of the performances. Elliot was the closest one to 'good' there was. They should really consider hiring Barry to work with them every week.....when left on their own, they tend to drop the ball.