Beerball Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 The Empty Podium has resigned amid allegations that he was Mike Price's "wingman" during the former Alabama coach's infamous Florida strip club foray. The Empty Podium initially claimed innocense, stating that he never left his conference room during the entire trip. But after intense questioning by Jerry Sullivan, which included photos that appeared to show the Podium receiving a lap dance, the Podium finally admitted his involvement in the affair. The Empty Podium was not available for comment, but sources close to the Podium indicated that he is broken. He's no podium any longer one source confirmed, "in fact, I don't even think he would qualify as a music stand." Ralph Wilson issued a statement via his Detroit Podium. "I am deeply saddened by this latest turn of events" said Wilson. "I have always held my Podiums to the highest moral standards" he continued. "I feel like I have been let down" Wilson concluded. Reached at his home, Marv Levy had this to say about the situation: "Why a Podium of his age would even consider entering a strip club is beyond me." When asked about the Empty Podium as an individual Levy said "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. He is a modest little podium who has a good deal to be modest about. Levy then droned on "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." and "I'm an optimist!" When asked about the state of the Buffalo Bills Levy responded "Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfils the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things. Difficulties mastered are opportunities won." When he was informed that the Empty Podium once served proudly in the United States Navy, Levy had this to say "Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash, not that there's anything wrong with that." Asked about his desire to once again coach the Bills Levy said " For my part, I consider that it will be found much better by all parties to leave the past to history, especially as I propose to write that history myself." Levy indicated that an exhaustive search will be conducted to find a replacement podium. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark VI Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 That's what the Podium gets for hanging around that trailer trash, Soap Box. I hope Podium had protection so it didn't get wood knots. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Empty Podium Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 This report is fraudulent, ignorant, repugnant, disgusting. I take offense at the accusations leveled by Beerbrain. Empty Podium has not resigned. Who cares if I enjoy an occasional visit to a strip club? What self-respecting podium doesn't enjoy having his microphone stroked every now and again? You think it's all fun and games, just standing around at OBD while octegenarians spit and drool all over you? Think of what I've had to endure over the past five years: "Gregg was the best interview I've ever seen." "We didn't execute." "I'm embarrassed to be a part of this community." "Willis needed a breather." "Kelly gives us the best chance to win." Not to mention, I have to stand there looking at Jerry Sullivan's ignorant mug during these PCs. I tell ya, it's enough to change the direction of my grain. So enough with these false rumors, ok? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
N.Y. Orangeman Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 This is fantastic...LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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