Some Monday humor for you all!!!!

[NavyBillsFan]

Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage. About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, "Just three gunnysacks." The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first sack, which had the redhead in it. She went, "Bow-wow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it. Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She went, "Meow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it. Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again, and finally the blonde said, "Potatoes."

 

 

 

 

Q: Why'd the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?

 

A: She kept throwing out all the W's.

 

 

 

 

A blind man walks in to a bar and orders a drink. He takes one sip and senses that everyone is staring at him. In order to brake the ice he says, "Would you like to hear a good blonde joke?"

 

The bar tender says, "I think you should know before you tell this joke that I am a blonde, there are 7 bikers in the corner that are blond and, there is a 6'5" 290lbs. weight lifter working the other end of the bar who is also blonde. You still want to tell the joke?"

 

The blind man says, "Your right, who wants to explain a joke 9 times?"

 

 

 

 

 

Dinner with the Girlfriend's Parents

 

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have

dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the

girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would

like to go out and make love for the first time.

 

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so

he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The

pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy

everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

 

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms

he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy

insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather

busy, it being his first time and all.

 

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and

meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to

meet my parents, come on in!"

 

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the

girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace

and bows his head.

 

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his

head down.

 

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

 

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend

leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you

were this religious."

 

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was

a pharmacist."

 

 

 

Monica Lewinsky walks into a dry cleaner and asks the clerk to have a stain removed from her dress. The man being hard of hearing asks "come again?" And Monica replys, "no, mustard."

 

 

 

The Test

 

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by

cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could

live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go

to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So

all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

 

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten

apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to

shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your

face or you'll be eaten."

 

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out

in pain, so he was killed.

 

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the

king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this

should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the

ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

 

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one

asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The

second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy

coming with pineapples."

 

 

 

 

A man was shooting pool suddenly walked up to the bar and ordered a drink. The man says to the bartender, "I bet you 50 bucks I could piss in that shot glass standing and not spill a drop." The tender says "your on!" The man hops up on the bar and pisses all over the bar table and the bartenders face. The man hops down and the bartender laughing says to him "fork over 50 bucks buddy!" The man tells the tender to hold on, walks back to the pool table and then returns. He hands the teners a 50 dollar bill and is laughing. The bartender then asks "how in the hell can you laugh about this, you just lost 50 bucks?" And the man replys, "because I bet the guy at the pooltable a 100 that I could piss all over you and you would laugh about it."