The funniest dumb thing

[Buffal0 Bill5]

One summer day, my cousin and I were sitting in the ol' tree fort putting strike anywhere matches down the barrel of his Daisy pump pellet gun. If you got them at just the right angle you could get them to ignite in the road. We wen't down to take a potty break, and while I'm in the John, he finds a pellet. I walk out and he hands me the gun, "pump this". I shook the barrel to make sure there was no match, and began to pump. He took a sweet forever, and that thing was pumping really hard. As he walks out the door, I say "freeze or I'll blow your balls off!" He didn't freeze, and I put a pellet next to the bone in his thigh. He was bleeding pretty profusely, but all I could see is my dad saying "always treat a gun as if it is loaded", expecting my untimely demise, I asked him if he wouldn't tell. Not a popular idea. The police offered him the opportunity to press charges. Fortunately he did not. I didn't return home for another two weeks, and my uncle handled the situation with my dad. Somehow that meant I didn't get thrashed. I didn't see a gun again until I was about 17, but it was a good trade off. He is lucky I have bad aim.

 

There are others that I cannot reveal, because they remain mysteries as to who the culprit is. Like a certain copy machine with shattered glass from attempting the old photo copy the a$$ trick. It was one of those machines where the top moved. Geez, what a dope.

[ExiledInIllinois]

Lodged a bunch of "little people"... (remember when Fisher-Price actually made them little?) into the downspouts of our gutters. My father really pitched a fit when the gutters became plugged and started to freeze!

 

Delivered out dated newspapers to all the houses on our street... I was playing "newspaper delivery boy"... My father forgave me for the above act, having rid our household of all the old papers!

 

Not my clueless act but, my brothers'. Remember when NYS had the automobile registration stickers on the license plate? Well, my brother went around peeling them off the cars parked along our street (I take they didn't have anti-theft type stickers back then). Needless to say people weren't happy with him!

[cåblelady]

My brother and I were shooting pool and I won....so he told me I was cheating. He locked me in the basement and I had to dismantle the "search light" apparatus my father had installed in the basement window to open the window and climb up out. Well.....my brother locked the doors and wouldn't let me back in. It was raining cats and dogs so I went out to the garage where my brother was restoring an old Corvette. He left a half-pack of cigarettes out there and I proceeded to line them all up in the crack of the hood and light them all. They were burning down pretty good.

 

I had to wait until my parents got home before I could get inside the house.

 

The next day the Flood of '72 hit. My mother almost had me believing it was partially my fault because of what I did to my brother's car.

[KD in CA]

I was about 6 years old and wanted some ice cream from the truck that came around the neiborhood. My mom said no and wouldn't give me any money so I went out and flagged the guy down, ordered the ice cream, and when he turned around to get me a spoon, I took off running. I made it to the side of the house before the guy caught up with me. By then of course I had already torn it open so my Mom had to pay for it anyway.

[BB27]

(Elaine is growing weary of Kramer's childish antics. Kramer's practicing putting golf balls on her office floor)

 

ELAINE: Would you please just get on with the stupid Bob Saccamano story?!

 

KRAMER: Well, I'm on the phone with Bob, and I realize right then and there that I need to return this pair of pants. So, I'm off to the store.

 

ELAINE: What happened to Bob Saccamano?

 

KRAMER: Well, nothing. His part of the story is done. (Elaine covers her face with her hands - showing her difficulty coping with Kramer) So I'm waiting for the subway, It's not coming, so I decided to hoof it through the tunnel.

 

ELAINE: Alright, well, now that's something..

 

KRAMER: Well, I don't know if I lost track of time - or what, but the next think I knew..

 

ELAINE: (Adding) A train is bearing down on you?!

 

KRAMER: No, I slipped - and fell in the mud. Ruining the very pants I was about to return.

 

ELAINE: (Reflects on the story) I don't understand.. you were wearing the pants you were returning?

 

KRAMER: Well, I guess I was..

 

ELAINE: (Still confused) What were you gonna wear on the way back?

 

KRAMER: Elaine, are you listening?! I didn't even get there! (Pauses) All right, next story..

 

ELAINE: Alright, I think I got enough for one day.