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The Different "Degrees" of a Hangover.


erynthered

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One Star Hangover (*)

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.

 

Two Star Hangover (**)

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

 

Three Star Hangover (***)

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't pee'd once.

 

Four Star Hangover (****)

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five ***** you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

 

Five Star Hangover (*****)

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now...

 

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Indubitably

Innovative

Preliminary

Proliferation

Cinnamon

 

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Specificity

British Constitution

Passive-aggressive disorder

Loquacious Transubstantiate

 

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Thanks, but I don't want to have sex

Nope, no more booze for me

Sorry, but you're not really my type

Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight

Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing

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I think I've achieved a six star hangover(******).

 

You open one eye around 2pm the following day. The last thing you remember is leaving to go out the previous night at 10pm. All sheets, blankets, and pillows are on the floor because anything that touched you made you want to barf. A meager attempt to get to the bathroom, is followed by a "oh sh--, I better lay back down". You wake up at 9pm to go to the bathroom. While standing at the toilet, you start to shake and get cold sweats. You attempt to imbibe a small amount of water, only to make you want to barf again.

 

You wake up at 7am the following day, wondering what the hell happened two nights ago and who you must call in order to extrat this info. After a few hours of drinking H2O and consuming greasy foods, you call you best bud and ask for the lo-down. He says in a shocked tone, "you don't remember Fri. night"?

 

Sheepishly you respond, "could you fill in the gaps, between 10 and 4?" He tell you that it invloved shots, table dancing and fights. You respond, "oh, typical friday night then?" He says, "exactly". ;)

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One Star Hangover (*)

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.

 

Two Star Hangover (**)

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

 

Three Star Hangover (***)

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't pee'd once.

 

Four Star Hangover (****)

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five ***** you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

 

Five Star Hangover (*****)

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now...

 

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

      Indubitably

      Innovative

      Preliminary

      Proliferation

      Cinnamon

 

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

      Specificity

      British Constitution

      Passive-aggressive disorder

      Loquacious Transubstantiate

 

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

      Thanks, but I don't want to have sex

      Nope, no more booze for me

      Sorry, but you're not really my type

      Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight

      Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing

500353[/snapback]

 

;):lol::lol::blink::lol::lol::lol:

 

Hung over this morning?

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I don't think I've ever gone beyond a #4. But that was in college with Gilbey's Gin. To this day I can't even stand the smell of Gin. :lol:

 

Besides, I promised God sometime that night that if he let me live, I'd never touch the stuff again. ;)

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One Star Hangover (*)

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.

 

Two Star Hangover (**)

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

 

Three Star Hangover (***)

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't pee'd once.

 

Four Star Hangover (****)

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five ***** you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

 

Five Star Hangover (*****)

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now...

 

Very nice summary! I am happy to report only a one star hangover this morning!

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I don't think I've ever gone beyond a #4.  But that was in college with Gilbey's Gin.  To this day I can't even stand the smell of Gin.  ;)

 

 

500409[/snapback]

 

 

Even hearing the word Gin....hell I cant even play Gin.....You get sick on Gin only once....cause your never drinking it again.....oh the humanity!

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I remeber when I was a couple years younger and the only thing I used to get were 1 or 2 star regardless of how much I drank. Now, if I have one beer too many my body shuts down for 2 days. Getting older sucks.

 

 

Man I'm dreading those days. I'm 21 now and a 1 star is about the worst I get with a rare 2 star. Even when I drink a ton, I never throw up and I still feel ok the next day. Even on my 21st after 12+ hours straight of drinking and easily 30+ drinks over the span, I didn't get sick. My friends were taking beers and hiding them from me so I'd stop and go to bed. I finally did and pissed myself on my futon ;) ....

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Man I'm dreading those days. I'm 21 now and a 1 star is about the worst I get with a rare 2 star. Even when I drink a ton, I never throw up and I still feel ok the next day. Even on my 21st after 12+ hours straight of drinking and easily 30+ drinks over the span, I didn't get sick. My friends were taking beers and hiding them from me so I'd stop and go to bed. I finally did and pissed myself on my futon  ;) ....

500490[/snapback]

 

 

Just you wait young grasshopper....the legends of 3, 4 and 5 star hangovers are true.

 

I don't go to work anymore when those numbers hit.

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I don't think I've ever gone beyond a #4.  But that was in college with Gilbey's Gin.  To this day I can't even stand the smell of Gin.  :lol:

 

Besides, I promised God sometime that night that if he let me live, I'd never touch the stuff again.  ;)

500409[/snapback]

 

 

I had the same experience with Tequila...couldn't even smell it w/o gagging. 15 or 20 years into a tequila-free existance, I discovered GOOD tequila (I think Patron is what brought me back around). My suggestion to you is, some day when you feel adventurous....try some Bombay Saphire...perhaps in a gimlet made with FRESH lime juice..not too sweet. This may bring you back into the fold.

 

Here's my point ("me and my arrow")...While you may not become a regular gin drinker, it should be in your arsenal. You should be able to have a delicious gin drink if you are in a situation where gin is the drink to have. That's a club you should keep in your bag...that's all I'm sayin'. :lol:

 

OH, one more thing...as far as your promise to God is concerned. Saphire is God's gin...she'll understand.

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I had the same experience with Tequila...couldn't even smell it w/o gagging.  15 or 20 years into a tequila-free existance, I discovered GOOD tequila (I think Patron is what brought me back around).  My suggestion to you is, some day when you feel adventurous....try some Bombay Saphire...perhaps in a gimlet made with FRESH lime juice..not too sweet.  This may bring you back into the fold.

 

Here's my point ("me and my arrow")...While you may not become a regular gin drinker, it should be in your arsenal.  You should be able to have a delicious gin drink if you are in a situation where gin is the drink to have.  That's a club you should keep in your bag...that's all I'm sayin'.  ;)

 

OH, one more thing...as far as your promise to God is concerned.  Saphire is God's gin...she'll understand.

500619[/snapback]

 

Gin makes you depressed....... Its good - but it makes you depressed if you drink it often.

 

I can't even smell Southern Comfort any more... a whole bottle at 18 and LOTS of barfing later I've never gone near it again...

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Gin makes you depressed....... Its good - but it makes you depressed if you drink it often.

 

I can't even smell Southern Comfort any more... a whole bottle at 18 and LOTS of barfing later I've never gone near it again...

500651[/snapback]

 

 

I think you mean gin make YOU depressed. Gin does have a different effect on me than most booze. If I drink too much gin I get a little squirly...not too bad, but a little.

 

Tequila is hallucinagenic to me.

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Gin makes you depressed....... Its good - but it makes you depressed if you drink it often.

 

I can't even smell Southern Comfort any more... a whole bottle at 18 and LOTS of barfing later I've never gone near it again...

500651[/snapback]

 

 

I had a similar experience with SoCo. My freshman year of college, we decided to down shots and play playstation. Well, i did my naive 12-15 shots in about 20 minutes thinking "this stuff is weak, i'm a champ". Well, when i drove my car under a bridge with flashing lights in need for speed, it hit me. The rest of the story involves a community washing machine, vomit, urine soaked clothing, 2 days of bedrest and a 20 gallon drum of water. This was in october 1997, and the thought of it just made me gag as i was typing this... I haven't even attempted to smell that awful stuff since.

 

as for the gin, gibleys is about the worst stuff you can buy. If you can make a good gin and tonic with tanqueray or bombay saphire with a fresh lime, i think you'll be good to go.

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I had the same experience with Tequila...couldn't even smell it w/o gagging.  15 or 20 years into a tequila-free existance, I discovered GOOD tequila (I think Patron is what brought me back around).  My suggestion to you is, some day when you feel adventurous....try some Bombay Saphire...perhaps in a gimlet made with FRESH lime juice..not too sweet.  This may bring you back into the fold.

 

Here's my point ("me and my arrow")...While you may not become a regular gin drinker, it should be in your arsenal.  You should be able to have a delicious gin drink if you are in a situation where gin is the drink to have.  That's a club you should keep in your bag...that's all I'm sayin'.  :lol:

 

OH, one more thing...as far as your promise to God is concerned.  Saphire is God's gin...she'll understand.

500619[/snapback]

 

I endorse this suggestion. I normally drink vodka martinis, but Bombay Saphire is very smooth, and a nice change of pace. Just a few drops of lime juice, fresh, don't ever leave the peel in the drink - it bitters it from the oils in the peel.

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