Earth to Bristol: "It's Not All About You"

[Catholic Guilt]

Sometimes, it’s amazing what ESPN can do. On Sunday night, they made me HATE Tedy Bruschi. And I do NOT hate Tedy Bruschi. But after watching the four-letter shove 10 gallons of sap down my throat about his comeback, it was official. I hated him.

 

Good job, Bristol Hype Company. You’ve done it again.

 

Look, here’s the bottom line. We are all happy Bruschi has come back. Yes, having a stroke is serious. But it’s not like other players haven’t come back from much worse. In a football sense, having a blown-out knee is much worse. It affects how you play for the rest of your career. Doubt is always in your mind. You are not quite as explosive.

 

Yet from the moment they opened the microphones, the over-wrought schmaltz started flowing. Suzy Kolber, preeningly annoying on her best night, was beyond vomit inducing with a lengthy (actually “interminable” would have been more like it) recap of all the emotional “human drama” he went through with his wife.

 

I took the time while suffering through it, to say a prayer that she gains 50 pounds and is out of television in 2 years. God help me on that one.

 

As if that wasn’t enough, Patrick & Co. slathered the “Bruschi story” with layer after layer of hyperbole, including the ridiculous playing of a song “Hero” with highlights of him making plays going in and out of timeouts.

 

All this, while our boys are still fighting and dying in Iraq. Hero, harrumph.

 

Taped interviews about the subject were run during live action, and more than once over-ran the events on the field. It was as if ESPN were saying: “If we could actually cover up the live video of the game to show you our interview with Belichick without being sacked by torch wielding football fans in a murderous rage, we would.”

 

The game, as always with the Sunday night crew, was a mere prop or backdrop for them to strut their stuff. Hey, look at us! We have production! We have interviews! Us, us, us! It’s all about us! Never mind what YOU, the football fan wants (like, uh, the game) and the usual analysis of what’s happening on the field.

 

No, you need to sit down and listen to US. Because WE say this is the BIGGEST THING EVER! And the next time something else this BIG comes along in sports, we’ll make sure to SHOVE IT down your throats once again.

 

Because WE know, and you are STUPID. Now look at Bruschi’s wife in the stands, and shut up about wanting to see another replay. Because this man, who is a FATHER dammit, is doing something NOBODY has ever done! And THAT’s important, not your stupid REPLAY.

 

I wonder, just wonder, if anybody in one of the big glossy tabled conference rooms in Bristol said last week in a meeting: “You know, we need to be careful not to over-do it on the Bruschi angle.” It seems obvious, the answer is no. But what if they had even MORE planned, before somebody spoke up?

 

Frightening thought.

 

There was however, one redeeming moment of the evening. Long after I had gone to bed, several of you loyal readers of this space, emailed me the priceless Suzy moment right after the game. Bruschi is coming off the field, smiling and triumphant. Here comes lil’ Suz with her microphone and beaming cheeks.

 

And Tedy blows her off. I mean, just walks past her like she was a member of the chain gang. Beautiful. Priceless.

 

Welcome back Tedy. Now shut up ESPN.Czaben's Website