#89 Posted September 22, 2005 Share Posted September 22, 2005 Subject: The Way Children See Things! NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when A woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked ! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt! HONESTY My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, ' cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago. OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are Not necessarily those of his parents." KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to Answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle." MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's Locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies Grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and Then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?" ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!" DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw Her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning." SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just Wasting my time,"she said to her mother . "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!" BIBLE A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he Fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He Picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had Been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called out." What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted September 22, 2005 Share Posted September 22, 2005 Add to the school file: My son, now 17, did the normal Kindergarden stuff 12 years ago. One day they were working on the alphabet. One child was called on to give a word that started with a particular letter. A=apple, D=dog etc. etc. My son raised his hand when they came to the letter V. His word was vagina. Dad was happy that he didn't raise his hand when the letter P was being discussed. Mom, who taught 7th grade in the same school was mighty embarassed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billsfanone Posted September 22, 2005 Share Posted September 22, 2005 Add to the school file: My son, now 17, did the normal Kindergarden stuff 12 years ago. One day they were working on the alphabet. One child was called on to give a word that started with a particular letter. A=apple, D=dog etc. etc. My son raised his hand when they came to the letter V. His word was vagina. Dad was happy that he didn't raise his hand when the letter P was being discussed. Mom, who taught 7th grade in the same school was mighty embarassed. 450306[/snapback] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Coli Posted September 22, 2005 Share Posted September 22, 2005 HONESTY My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. 450275[/snapback] Back in the spring of 1986, when I was in the process of failing out of SUNY Geneseo, my roommate Dave was brushing his teeth and his toothbrush slipped out of his hand and went right into the toilet. Not wanting to reach in, Dave figured he could flush the toilet and the toothbrush would lodge itself horizontally in the bottom when the water went down, allowing him to safely retrieve it without getting his hand wet. His plan went down the drain, so to speak, when the toothbrush went vertical and straight down with the water. Later that day, Dave, while attempting to flush his solid waste, noticed that the toilet was now completely clogged. No effort of plunging would free the obstruction. I abandoned using the bathroom in our apartment for the remainder of the semester, preferring instead to use the school facilities, or just urinating in the yard. Dave, however, continued to use the bathroom as an outhouse. The stench became pretty unbearable, and I took to hanging out in other apartments. At the end of the spring semester, Dave and I just left everything as is…clogged toilet, dishes in the sink, rotten food, everything. Neither of us were on any lease. We had taken the place over from some kid who had graduated in December, and we just didn’t give a damn. A few days later I was back in town for a party, and while driving by the landlord’s house, I noticed all the dirty dishes we had left behind at the old joint were now in the landlord’s front yard. He must have hosed them off. I stopped the car, and put all of the now clean dishes in my trunk, and happily drove off. Dave’s inability to retrieve his soiled toothbrush had set in motion a course of events that eventually resulted in my getting out of having to do the dishes for an entire semester. In China, a butterfly flaps it’s wings…. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaska Darin Posted September 22, 2005 Share Posted September 22, 2005 Back in the spring of 1986, when I was in the process of failing out of SUNY Geneseo, my roommate Dave was brushing his teeth and his toothbrush slipped out of his hand and went right into the toilet. Not wanting to reach in, Dave figured he could flush the toilet and the toothbrush would lodge itself horizontally in the bottom when the water went down, allowing him to safely retrieve it without getting his hand wet. His plan went down the drain, so to speak, when the toothbrush went vertical and straight down with the water. Later that day, Dave, while attempting to flush his solid waste, noticed that the toilet was now completely clogged. No effort of plunging would free the obstruction. I abandoned using the bathroom in our apartment for the remainder of the semester, preferring instead to use the school facilities, or just urinating in the yard. Dave, however, continued to use the bathroom as an outhouse. The stench became pretty unbearable, and I took to hanging out in other apartments. At the end of the spring semester, Dave and I just left everything as is…clogged toilet, dishes in the sink, rotten food, everything. Neither of us were on any lease. We had taken the place over from some kid who had graduated in December, and we just didn’t give a damn. A few days later I was back in town for a party, and while driving by the landlord’s house, I noticed all the dirty dishes we had left behind at the old joint were now in the landlord’s front yard. He must have hosed them off. I stopped the car, and put all of the now clean dishes in my trunk, and happily drove off. Dave’s inability to retrieve his soiled toothbrush had set in motion a course of events that eventually resulted in my getting out of having to do the dishes for an entire semester. In China, a butterfly flaps it’s wings…. 450621[/snapback] You are without a doubt one of the most interesting people I've never met. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Coli Posted September 22, 2005 Share Posted September 22, 2005 You are without a doubt one of the most interesting people I've never met. 450841[/snapback] We haven't met in person, yet. What are you doing this weekend? You got a pull-out couch? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gross Posted September 22, 2005 Share Posted September 22, 2005 We haven't met in person, yet. What are you doing this weekend? You got a pull-out couch? 450928[/snapback] That's why he said never. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcjeff215 Posted September 22, 2005 Share Posted September 22, 2005 Add to the school file: My son, now 17, did the normal Kindergarden stuff 12 years ago. One day they were working on the alphabet. One child was called on to give a word that started with a particular letter. A=apple, D=dog etc. etc. My son raised his hand when they came to the letter V. His word was vagina. Dad was happy that he didn't raise his hand when the letter P was being discussed. Mom, who taught 7th grade in the same school was mighty embarassed. 450306[/snapback] When I was in the 1st grade, I fell off of my parents bed while I was using it as a trampoline. I landed in such a way that my knee hit my face and gave me a black eye. My teacher must have noticed the injury and reported it to the front office the next day because I was called down to the school nurse. She asked me what happened. I, for some reason, didn't want to tell them that I hurt myself acting like a child jumping on the furniture. I thought up the first "manly" story that I could. I, in an effort to save face, told *public school officials* that... "My Dad Punched Me." That's right. I told them my father punched me square in the face because we'd gotten in a fight. That year was plagued by surprise visits by social workers, child welfare employees, and various other people with "New York State" ID cards. My father *still* gives me a hard time about that one and it was more than 20 years ago. -Jeff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaska Darin Posted September 23, 2005 Share Posted September 23, 2005 When I was in the 1st grade, I fell off of my parents bed while I was using it as a trampoline. I landed in such a way that my knee hit my face and gave me a black eye. My teacher must have noticed the injury and reported it to the front office the next day because I was called down to the school nurse. She asked me what happened. I, for some reason, didn't want to tell them that I hurt myself acting like a child jumping on the furniture. I thought up the first "manly" story that I could. I, in an effort to save face, told *public school officials* that... "My Dad Punched Me." That's right. I told them my father punched me square in the face because we'd gotten in a fight. That year was plagued by surprise visits by social workers, child welfare employees, and various other people with "New York State" ID cards. My father *still* gives me a hard time about that one and it was more than 20 years ago. -Jeff 450942[/snapback] Common sense, it ain't so common. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcjeff215 Posted September 23, 2005 Share Posted September 23, 2005 Common sense, it ain't so common. 451391[/snapback] Coupled with the fact that a six/seven year old doesn't know what a "social worker" is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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