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Do Liberals have a sense of humor?

Barry in KC
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Barry in KC UDFA

Barry in KC

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Posted

Let's see:

 

 

History began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of

> small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the

> mountains during the winter and would go to the coast to live on fish

> and lobster in the summer.

>

> The two most important events in all of history were the invention of

> beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man

> to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization, and

> together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two

> distinct subgroups: Liberals & Conservatives.

>

> Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the

> beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can

> were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting

> around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the

> brewery. That's how villages were formed.

>

> Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at

> night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is

> known as "the Conservative movement."

>

> Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to

> live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and

> doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning

> of the liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved

> into women. The rest became known as 'girleymen.'

>

> Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of

> cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the concept

> of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that

> conservatives provided.

>

> Over the years, conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,

> most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are

> symbolized by the jackass.

>

> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer

> white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their

> beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal

> fare.

>

>

> Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have

> higher testosterone levels than their men.

>

> Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers

> in Hollywood and group therapists, are liberals. Liberals invented the

> designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher

> also bat.

>

> Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still

> provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo

> cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors,

> police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and

> generally, anyone who works productively outside government.

>

> Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to

> work for a living.

>

> Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the

> producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe

> Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the

> liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.

> They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of

> trying to get MORE for nothing.

>

> Here ends today's lesson in world history

RuntheDamnBall All Pro

RuntheDamnBall

Posted
Posted

Woo-hoo, that was priceless. Top-notch, really. Please keep posting these!

 

Did I mention it was hilarious? Occasionally a joke of legend status comes about, and, wow, you found one. If there is a joke hall of fame, I say we bypass the five-years' eligibility rule and canonize this one immediately.

 

Wow, still trying to get back into my chair after that one. Wow.

KRC Veteran

KRC

Posted
Posted

Who will be the first liberal to post a joke, aimed at conservatives, in retaliation to this?

Johnny Coli Veteran

Johnny Coli

Posted
Posted

We'll laugh if it's funny. If not, we'll consider the source.

 

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still

> provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo

> cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors,

> police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and

> generally, anyone who works productively outside government.

 

I take it back. That was pretty hilarious.

Mickey Veteran

Mickey

Posted
Posted

I'd laugh but in a week or so these jokes will be argued as bona fide facts in a book by Ann Coulter which will spend several months on the best seller list so it is hard to enjoy them now.

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