MartyBall4Buffalo Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 REAL 40 YEAR OLD VIRGINS SAY ‘40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN’ MOVIE MAKES THEM UNCOMFORTABLE Sexually-frustrated Star Trek and Star Wars virgins sue Universal, ask for restraining order Hollywood – The new movie “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” will hit theaters next week, but across America, real 40-year-old virgins say promotions for the upcoming movie make them very uncomfortable as friends and family members make comparisons to the film and remind them of the fact they’ve never gotten laid. The virgins have filed a class action lawsuit against Universal Pictures seeking unspecified damages for emotional distress. Stuart Brownfield (chat screen name: farscaperules23) is a 40-year-old virgin in Nashua, New Hampshire who filed the original lawsuit. He is hoping that the movie will bomb at the box office. “I work in an office (Office Depot) and someone saw the ad for the movie in the paper,” said Brownfield. “Then, this one guy I can’t stand in shipping turns to me and says, ‘Hey Stuart, this movie sounds like it’s right up your alley.’ Everyone started laughing. I was so devastated I couldn’t even watch the new episode of ‘Battlestar Galactica’ that night.” Actor Steve Carell plays 40-year-old virgin Andy Stitzer in the movie. Andy’s never had sex. His friends consider it their duty to help, but nothing proves effective enough until he meets Trish (Catherine Keener), a 40-year-old mother of three. “People who have seen the trailer for the movie are now calling me ‘Andy,’” said an emotional Brownfield. “People at the office know that I’ve never gotten laid, but no one really said anything until these movie trailers and posters started appearing. My life has been a nightmare. I haven’t felt this bad since ‘Episode I.’” “It’s not easy being a virgin, and I really feel for these guys,” said 42-year-old Stan Jennings of Cranston, Rhode Island. Jennings, who works at Industrial Soap Inc., finally lost his virginity last year while having sex with a prostitute who ended up giving him gonorrhea. “I am not a virgin anymore, and it feels great, although I do have some burning. However, being a former virgin, I empathize with those losers, and I think the movie should be stopped.” Star Trek and Star Wars fans who have been feuding for decades have finally found a common cause in the lawsuit. “We don’t think it’s funny to make fun of virgins, and we will use all of our powers to stop this film,” said 40year old Larry Nohan, the president of the Star Trek Milwaukee Federation. “This movie is a blatant attempt to humiliate us. Why can’t people just leave us alone with our Uhura porn and stop judging us?” Lou Peters, a 39-year-old virgin and Star Wars fan from San Diego who lives with his parents, considers himself lucky. “I’m so glad I’m still 39,” said Peters who wears a Stormtrooper costume on weekends while playing the “Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith” videogame online. “One year old older and I would be the laughing stock of my neighborhood.” http://datelinehollywood.com/archives/2005...-uncomfortable/ p.s I'm not sure if this is a sattire site or real I just thought it was amusing
josh_564 Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 i thought it was gonna be gary coleman filing the lawsuit
buckeyemike Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 GuessWhozBack21 said: REAL 40 YEAR OLD VIRGINS SAY ‘40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN’ MOVIE MAKES THEM UNCOMFORTABLE Sexually-frustrated Star Trek and Star Wars virgins sue Universal, ask for restraining order Hollywood – The new movie “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” will hit theaters next week, but across America, real 40-year-old virgins say promotions for the upcoming movie make them very uncomfortable as friends and family members make comparisons to the film and remind them of the fact they’ve never gotten laid. The virgins have filed a class action lawsuit against Universal Pictures seeking unspecified damages for emotional distress. Stuart Brownfield (chat screen name: farscaperules23) is a 40-year-old virgin in Nashua, New Hampshire who filed the original lawsuit. He is hoping that the movie will bomb at the box office. “I work in an office (Office Depot) and someone saw the ad for the movie in the paper,” said Brownfield. “Then, this one guy I can’t stand in shipping turns to me and says, ‘Hey Stuart, this movie sounds like it’s right up your alley.’ Everyone started laughing. I was so devastated I couldn’t even watch the new episode of ‘Battlestar Galactica’ that night.” Actor Steve Carell plays 40-year-old virgin Andy Stitzer in the movie. Andy’s never had sex. His friends consider it their duty to help, but nothing proves effective enough until he meets Trish (Catherine Keener), a 40-year-old mother of three. “People who have seen the trailer for the movie are now calling me ‘Andy,’” said an emotional Brownfield. “People at the office know that I’ve never gotten laid, but no one really said anything until these movie trailers and posters started appearing. My life has been a nightmare. I haven’t felt this bad since ‘Episode I.’” “It’s not easy being a virgin, and I really feel for these guys,” said 42-year-old Stan Jennings of Cranston, Rhode Island. Jennings, who works at Industrial Soap Inc., finally lost his virginity last year while having sex with a prostitute who ended up giving him gonorrhea. “I am not a virgin anymore, and it feels great, although I do have some burning. However, being a former virgin, I empathize with those losers, and I think the movie should be stopped.” Star Trek and Star Wars fans who have been feuding for decades have finally found a common cause in the lawsuit. “We don’t think it’s funny to make fun of virgins, and we will use all of our powers to stop this film,” said 40year old Larry Nohan, the president of the Star Trek Milwaukee Federation. “This movie is a blatant attempt to humiliate us. Why can’t people just leave us alone with our Uhura porn and stop judging us?” Lou Peters, a 39-year-old virgin and Star Wars fan from San Diego who lives with his parents, considers himself lucky. “I’m so glad I’m still 39,” said Peters who wears a Stormtrooper costume on weekends while playing the “Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith” videogame online. “One year old older and I would be the laughing stock of my neighborhood.” http://datelinehollywood.com/archives/2005...-uncomfortable/ p.s I'm not sure if this is a sattire site or real I just thought it was amusing 408236[/snapback] The article sounds like something from The Onion. It's satire. I hope. Mike
JimBob2232 Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Gotta be satire. No real journalist would put a screen name in an article..
JimBob2232 Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Upon further review...go to http://datelinehollywood.com/ and see the headlines JACKSON AGREES WITH JURORS WHO REGRET ACQUITTAL “No doubt in my mind whatsoever, that boy was molested,” writes Jackson ------------------------- STUDY: HOLLYWOOD NEEDS FEWER ORIGINAL IDEAS ------------------------- IRONIC MEDIA MARKET NOW BIGGEST SEGMENT OF BUSINESS ’Care Bears’ t-shirts, ‘Showgirls’ DVDs become top selling products Its satire...still funny though.
Thailog80 Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Instead of popcorn at the theatres they will serve hot buttered Retatta.
stuckincincy Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 Thailog80 said: Instead of popcorn at the theatres they will serve hot buttered Retatta. 408254[/snapback] Cringing...
ndirish1978 Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 “One year old older and I would be the laughing stock of my neighborhood.” Yeah, one year really saved u there buddy
Marv Levy Posted August 15, 2005 Posted August 15, 2005 GuessWhozBack21 said: Lou Peters, a 39-year-old virgin and Star Wars fan from San Diego who lives with his parents, considers himself lucky. “I’m so glad I’m still 39,” said Peters who wears a Stormtrooper costume on weekends while playing the “Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith” videogame online. “One year old older and I would be the laughing stock of my neighborhood.” 408236[/snapback] NewsFlash, Judging from this, you already are the laughing stock. 39 is no better!! Now get off videogames and get to a bar and start hitting on women ya dumbass!!
Buftex Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 Ghost of BiB said: Kirk. 408295[/snapback] BENJAMIN SISKO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
shrader Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 Ghost of BiB said: Kirk. 408295[/snapback] Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
ch19079 Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 shrader said: Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! 408513[/snapback] "No...no, you can't get away...from hell's heart, I stab at thee...for hate's sake, I spit my last breath...at thee..."
jester43 Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 whoa...he hooks up with catherine keener? if you have to wait 40 years to get laid that's a good reward at least. yum.
EndZoneCrew Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 Quote Lou Peters, a 39-year-old virgin and Star Wars fan from San Diego who lives with his parents, considers himself lucky. “I’m so glad I’m still 39,” said Peters who wears a Stormtrooper costume on weekends while playing the “Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith” videogame online. “One year old older and I would be the laughing stock of my neighborhood.” Funniest thing I have ever heard
buckeyemike Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 jester43 said: whoa...he hooks up with catherine keener? if you have to wait 40 years to get laid that's a good reward at least. yum. 408727[/snapback] Mike
fairweather fan Posted August 18, 2005 Posted August 18, 2005 This is just another press release created by the movie publicity department to push the merchandise, like the 4 star ratings by fake reviewers which Sony had to pay the papers who got scammed.
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